It's no secret that Comedy Central lost millions of dollars in ad revenues when Dave Chappelle walked out on taping season three of "Chappelle's Show". However, theres been no bigger loser than the humor exchanges between fraternity brothers at the Tau Delta Theta Valparaiso University chapter. When the brothers could no longer jokingly claim to one another that they indeed were Rick James, bitch, their shared humor fell to a standstill.
When the show was still on the air, if the brothers weren't busy slamming Tri Delts, chugging 40s at one of their off-the-fucking-chain Golf Pros and Tennis Hos parties or unloading family-sized tubes of Aquafresh toothpaste into Bobbos asshole when he passed out, they relied on quoting classic skits to mask their unoriginal ideas and homoerotic tensions.
In fact, not since the entire population of New England looked to Pedro Martinez in 2004 had the identities of so many whites rested on the back of one person of color.
The brothers were once revered around campus for their ability to launch into unabated four-hour Chappelle-as-Lil John call-and-response sessions of What? and Yeeeeaaaaaahhh! These drunken references seemed to get funnier with each imbibed Keystone Light, but after 41 consecutive Thursday and Saturday nights, even bitches that the brothers used to raw dog with ease began to give them looks of disapproval.
The brothers turned to Chappelle's Show reruns, hoping to take advantage of overlooked hilarity. They embarked on a two-week effort to repeatedly convince fellow bar goers that they indeed were Wayne Brady, bitch, but that effort quickly lost steam due to midterms and then spring break.
Upon returning to school, the brothers held a dudes only Kegs and Eggs brainstorm in which they tried to create original inside jokes to reference at social gatherings. The brainstorm resulted in exactly zero new ideas, six egged cars and finally culminated with the brothers getting shirtless and passing a lacrosse ball back and forth on their front lawn.
Theres been a lot of awkward silence in the house, said Mike VCard Ventori, treasurer and social coordinator of Tau Delta Theta.
Ventori used to loudly declare Game, Blouses after kicking everybodys fucking ass at Halo, but the humor drought forced him to scour other pop culture sources for dialogue to infuse into his social life.
Hoping to find a semblance of guidance, a confused, humor-starved Ventori sunk to a new low as he beat off to Chappelles semi-recent appearance on "Oprah". Shockingly, it worked. As Ventori ejaculated into a navy dress sock he found near one of the houses XBox controllers, he realized that this past summers comedy blockbusters Wedding Crashers and 40-Year-Old Virgin offered some half-decent comedic replacement material.
The brothers put the new material to the test at last weekends sixth annual Goldfish Swallowing MILF Invitational. They passed the time with an hour-long back and forth you know how I know youre gay session, as if simply existing in each others presence didnt declare that already.
Still, the brothers found that Steve Carell wasnt as quotable as Chappelle, and sent a couple of freshman recruits to make bootleg copies of the new film Dave Chappelles Block Party, which is still yet to reach theaters in Valpo. Although the films format of hip-hop musical acts interspersed with Chappelles comedy bits will likely confuse the white frat brothers, a good handful are expected to falsely exude confidence by awkwardly head-nodding to Kanye West, Mos Def and Talib Kweli.
my ass Posted: 4/2/2006by: suck bitch minor point Posted: 3/29/2006by: MKF From my experience, as CS pointed out, Anchorman is actually made it up to #2 on the most-quoted-by-fratatatat-boys list right behind Wedding Crashers (now that Mr Chapelle packed his bags and went home).... funny article, Pedro line was right on Now that was funny..... Posted: 3/29/2006by: AB Very good article..... There I was thinking I wasn't going to read anything good today. Thanks, I needed that. grb Posted: 3/29/2006by: deuce my memory is also a cloudy, snow-filled day, but i think i remember soylent saying he is old enough to be jenna's dad. (you might not have to dig further than his post though.. college in the 80's???)
and quit being such a pussy. masturbation jokes are the equivalent of quoting office space... didn't you get the memo? Come on soylent... Posted: 3/29/2006by: GRB ...are you sure that you engaged in sport-fucking...are you sure it wasn't sport-masturbation. Just cuz you're lookin' at a picture of Jenna Jameson whilst beating off does not mean you're having sex with her. * Posted: 3/29/2006by: Soylent Green I tried to remember some of the shit we would do when I was a "frat rat", but I think all the weed, blow, booze and sport fucking that I did during the 80s has finally caught up to me and made me loose what like mind I have left...
I guess my brothers didn't give me the nickname Rock and Roll for nothing... SCARY AND TRUE Posted: 3/29/2006by: Pat The sad thing is that some of my fraternity brothers from back in the day have begun to quote Wedding Crashers, exactly as this article described.
"You better lock it up." hey, Posted: 3/29/2006by: CS why dont you go back to whore island !?!
funny. Bravo! Posted: 3/29/2006by: JD You're the funniest Jonah EVER! You really nailed those dumb-ass nicknames they always give each other. phat phree's new material down 98% Posted: 3/29/2006by: deuce this article was totally liked "striped shirt"!!
just kidding.. nice take jonah. liked the pedro martinez comparison.
