New York (AP) - Last week, Katie Couric, Americas oldest sweetheart, finally confirmed the rumors about her departure from The Today Show. Since 1991, Couric has greeted the nation with a sweet, warm smile. After the departure, Couric will be greeting the residents of Washington Township, New Jersey with a titty-hug and a lap dance.
Albeit shocking, Couric claims the reason for leaving the Today Show is to pursue her life-long dream of becoming an exotic dancer.
I wanted to tell all of you out there who have watched the show for the past 15 years that, after listening to my heart and my gut, two things that have served me well in the past, I've decided I'll be leaving "Today" at the end of May. Couric goes on to state, It was really a difficult decision for a lot of reasons, but since I was a little girl, my heart has been set on being in the public eye, not so much on television, but grinding on a steel pole to the tune of Aerosmiths 'Rag Doll'.
Couric accepted an offer at Tony Goodwins Midnite Cabaret located in Washington Township, NJ. Inside sources state the contract stipulations between Couric and club manager, Mitch Cumstein, were worked out over several months of tough negotiations. As of May, Couric is said to receive two free drinks per night, 75% of tips, VIP parking space by the kitchen exit, and a free Tony Goodwins sleeveless jean jacket.
Friends of Couric claim she was ecstatic with the outcome of the negotiations, in particular her triumph over Cumsteins strict One Free Drink rule, in which Cumstein withheld in negotiations for weeks. It seems that was the last contract stipulation Katie was holding out for.
No bloomers under that skirt
Apart from the cushy contract, Couric still has her audience as her number-one priority and says that her foray into exotic dancing will still enable her to help others.
Speaking to the public during the announcement, Couric states You've been with me during a lot of good times. And some very difficult ones as well. And hopefully, I'll be there for you, whether it be to help you with your frigid wife, child porno addiction or you own wavering sexuality.
Speculation has risen about Courics age; physical state and more importantly, skill level at dance of any kind. Cumstein looks to put an end to any doubts, claiming Couric is in peak physical condition for a dancer over 40, and will by no means be the oldest at the cabaret. Before the holiday season of 06, Cumstein is hoping to have Couric as a three-night headliner.
She can't keep them crossed forever!
Cumstein recalls Courics audition, Man, little Katie Kat got right up there and started gyrating. Id never seen anything like it! All that yearning, all that desire, pent up in there for so long while she was sitting behind that desk, well let me tell you, she let it ALL out. Its like I always say, you can take the g-string off the girl, but you cant take the girl off the g-string. Or was it the other way around? Well, no matter, when you got it, you got it, and this one, she got it.
Courics co-workers have released a joint statement speaking to Courics drive and enthusiasm and their support for her new career path. Despite this, scattered reports from the NBC offices claim several NBC employees witnessed co-anchor Matt Lauer vomiting in the green room after taping, and news anchor Ann Curry, was seen crawling out from under an un-named NBC executives desk triumphantly.
In her closing remarks, Couric thanks the American public for making her a part of their morning routine and reminds them Wednesdays at Tonys are Cowboy Night with half-off admission for women and ass-less chaps lap dance specials!
Let me just say Posted: 4/12/2006by: Tom A the chick in the first pic has a nice (fake) rack. THREE WORDS Posted: 4/12/2006by: Pat I'd hit it. Katie again Posted: 4/12/2006by: Bitch Boy Look at those calves, she can do some love squats for sure. Katie Posted: 4/12/2006by: Bitch Boy She can take a seat on my lovestaff anytime, yummy. For some reason, I don't think she would be "shocked" by the shocker. Maybe it's the big lips that scream "do me"..... "that guy" Posted: 4/12/2006by: deuce sub "doritos" for "bon bons" and you've got it locked.
while i would only fuck katie couric for the sheer hatred of the female gender, this article was pretty funny.. good stuff ellen. Still got it Posted: 4/12/2006by: GRB I don't care if she is 20 years older than me, I'd still hit that shit in a heartbeat. Katie Who? Posted: 4/12/2006by: That Guy The Today Show? Really? Who watches that other than blue-hairs and bon-bon eating couch decay, passing the time until The View and Oprah come on and tell them what to think?
I mean, I guess someone does or there wouldn't be all this media coverage about her and "the move"; because the media only covers what is really important, right?
BTW - any word on Tom Cruise's baby? Katie Posted: 4/12/2006by: Q Fuck Washington Township! She should go over to Patterson & dance at the Blue Goose (formerly Slappy's). Sir Posted: 4/12/2006by: Barry Thunderdumps Mitch Cumstein, your old college roommate? Didn't he get tossed out of college for night putting?
She's STILL hot. Katie... Posted: 4/12/2006by: Soylent Green ...was quite the little hottie back in college. I would of banged her...
