 | Miss Tickles, we hardly knew ye. |
WFAA-TV Dallas, TX - Mike and Johnna Davis weren't sure if they should rename their cat "Sheetrock" or "Not Jesus" after she was found two weeks after vanishing inside the walls of a neigboring pub, stone cold dead.
The remains of Miss Tickles were found by the Dallas couple on Easter, distinctly unresurrected, hence the new nickname, "Not Jesus."
The Davis family found the stray cat six months ago, and loved her like a child. Then the cat went missing, and more than two weeks went by with no sign of her.
Davis said just as he and his wife began to lose hope, they lost hope completely when the distinctive odor of death and putresence began emanating from walls of Tipsy McStagger's Pub, which is situated beneath their apartment.
 | Her final resting place. |
"We traced it to this bathroom wall. We thought we heard a faint, 'meow,' but it was a false alarm," he said, pointing to a newly sledged hole in the vomit-stained sheetrock in Tipsy's women's restroom. "I said, 'kitty, kitty, kitty,' and nothing. We hammered out the wall by a mouse hole next to the air vent, and sure enough, there was Miss Tickles, dead as the studio audience of Fox's 'The War at Home'."
 | Babs Pootersnootch is the new Miss Tickles. |
Mrs. Davis choked back tears. "Miss Tickles used to sneak down to Tipsy's to go mousing, but she must have caught the last one, because it was pretty obvious she starved to death. I just don't get it, I thought cats always survived this kind of thing." Not this time.
Said Dale Warnecke, owner of Tipsy McStagger's, "I ain't got no mice in my bar, and those two hippies are gonna pay to replace my wall. I oughtta make 'em pay to air the place out, but the stench of vomit and stale beer has drowned out the fog of death that that cat left in my ladies room. You want some wings, asshole?"
Miss Tickles was missed for a short time until she was replaced by a new living apartment decoration named Babs Pootersnootch who the Davises picked up at the local SPCA, and who is reportedly even cuter than her predecessor, if that is possible.
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