Anthony "Atom Ant" Gaits, a Bucks county hipster, recently broke the layered clothing record set in March 2001 by Mark "Brosef" Brozjniak.
Brozjniak, now 22, set the original record at the age of seventeen when he attended a "hardcore" music show at a Warminster, PA skating rink.
During the event, several members of the band "Sunken Street-Wise Dissonance" witnessed the hipster remove his track jacket to reveal that, jacket included, "Brosef" was wearing an unheard-of twenty-eight layers.
"We couldn't believe it!" said S.S.W.D. bassist Jimmy "Slim Jim" Delaney. "I've seen people rock undershirts, oxfords, and t-shirts before, but 'Brosef' was overlapping jerseys, multi-collaring, and I think I may have even seen him tri-sweatering! It was some of the most Hx-fucking-C shit I've ever seen!"
Sweatering is a technique in which a hipster wears an oxford shirt with an argyle sweater, so that the collar extends over the sweater.
Tri-sweatering, long thought to be impossible due to issues of heat-exhaustion, is the practice of applying the principles of sweatering three times.
Brozjniak's record was shattered Monday, September 18th when Gaits decided to take things to the next level.
"I really had to knock things up a notch, man!" said Gaits. "I was going to this post-punk grindcore festival in Feastervlle, and I wanted to make my mark."
The previous Champion: Mark
According to Gaits, the challenge of squeezing in to thirty-seven separate, child-size large upper-body covers was not easy.
"It got so fucking hot in there! I was two-stepping, windmilling, and axe-handling so hard that I almost passed out before the opening act was finished! My friends saw me sweating buckets, but I just bit my lip and pumped my arms to the ground as hard as I could! Rrraaah!"
When asked about the opening band, Gaits commented that they "Were alright," but that he "liked their old stuff better."
Gaits attributes his success to a layering technique he calls quad-oxfording.
"It blows anything that hack Brozjniak invented out of the fucking water! That cock-ridge didn't have a prayer from the second I put on my first undershirt!" said Gaits in between sips of his Monster energy drink.
"Quad-oxfording is a technique that I created. It's some serious scenester shit! You take four oxford shirts for every one t-shirt. I popped the collar on every single one of those fucking shirts! I showed the fucking cotton industry who was boss! They say the clothes can sometimes make the man, but I think I was making the hell out of those clothes! I got full-range of motion for my bro-core nu-stepping without having to worry about losing a collar pop during the breakdowns! I starch often, and I starch well."
The crowning point of "Atom Ant" Gaits' outfit was a pinstriped black suit jacket.
"There was this majorly boneable scene slut there, so I tried to look classy. She's got like 1,500 Myspace friends, which makes her like, the hottest chick I know."
An entire inventory of Gaits' record reveals the following:
* 3 Haines white undershirts * 2 Tank tops * 2 Sweaters * 12 Oxford collared white shirts * 1 Cardigan * 2 Argyle sweater vests * 3 "As I Lay Dying" t-shirts * 5 Plain black t-shirts * 1 Track jacket * 1 "Panic! At the Disco" shirt for "irony" * 3 "Under Armor" shirts for a slimmer fit * 1 "Armor for Sleep" t-shirt * 1 Black pinstriped suit jacket * 0 Regrets, 0 Remorse, 0 Respect for the fallen.
Well Researched Posted: 9/26/2006by: Rake I've personally been to these grindcore/hxc shows with the author and I can tell you that he's spot on with the mannerisms and clothing styles these kids have. He exemplified the south jersey scene hipsters pretty well. Blink 182/Dashboard is pretty much dead imho. Poorly researched? Posted: 9/26/2006by: MillionsV Trust me, I've been to these shows. It's not poorly researched at all. And Blink 182/Dashboard Confessional? They both haven't been around for almost three years, people don't talk about that shit anymore. Get with the times. POORLY RESEARCHED Posted: 9/26/2006by: auditor Concept is ok, but the layering action is more prevalent in the Dashboard Confessional/Blink 182 crowd. good one Posted: 9/25/2006by: Pat Although this sounds quite different from the Lower East Side NYC hipster, you did nail the layering. Still, no Lower East Side shithead would be caught dead at a grindcore show. Don't you know that's so last year? up in the cosmos Posted: 9/25/2006by: so shaap No 'Murder by Death' or 'blue-and-brown' t-shirts? I feel let down.
