WASHINGTON, DC -- The attorney for former Republican Congressman Mark Foley released yet another statement to the media defending his clients uber-gay email correspondences with young pages; this time blaming terrorists.
Foleys attorney, David Roth* claimed that his client was not a pedophile, but was, in fact, a victim of international terrorism.
My client had not even one gay bone in his body until the vicious terror attacks on 9/11. Now, he seems to want gay bones in his body all the time. Especially in his butt, Roth added with a wink and a nudge.
When asked how propositioning high school boys for sex had even the smallest correlation with terrorism, Roth had a firm response, one which made even less sense. If it werent for Al Qaeda's continuous threats to our country's safety, Congressman Foley would have never dreamt of wanting a beefcakey, high school lacrosse player to take a dump on his chest.
To add further insight, N.A.M.B.L.A. Vice President (who wished to be quoted under an assumed name) Chick Deaney, was reached for comment. If we as a country cant stand behind sweet, sweet, lotioned up, man on boy anal sex, then I suppose the terrorists have already won.
In the previous weeks, Foley and his attorney had also released statements blaming Foleys actions on alcoholism, as well as priest molestation. Both were received with much speculation.
Apparently there is no sympathy for my clients lust of 16-year-old boy ass. Nor did anyone believe it had anything to do with his once drinking too much holy water while a priest fondled his balls. Roth continued, Our next step was to simply repeat certain words, like '9/11' and 'terrorism' to divert the publics attention away from my clients cock love.
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Look over there, terrorists!" Roth shouted. "See, you totally looked. It never fails, remember the '04 election?
To deflect further questioning, Roth ended the press conference by simply holding up an 8x10 glossy photo of Osama Bin Laden, then dropping his microphone on the stage, ala Chris Rock.
*The Phat Phree can neither confirm nor deny whether Foleys attorney is actually the spandex clad, former lead singer of Van Halen
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