For many, the mere mention of his name provokes terror and bed-wetting. His reputation as a no-nonsense bully with a penchant for dirt bikes, smoking dope at school dances, and beating the shit out of defenseless weaklings is the stuff of legend. Two consecutive victories at the prestigious All Valley Karate Tournament solidified his legacy as a martial arts master and the proud champion of bullies everywhere. He is Johnny Lawrence.
Its been over two decades since Lawrence held the All Valley crown. Following his much-publicized loss to relative newcomer Daniel LaRusso, Lawrence disappeared from the karate world. While some attribute this inactivity to his embarrassing loss to a 98 lb. weakling, others claim Lawrence was simply unable to afford the increased membership dues at the Cobra Kai dojo.
Where has Johnny Lawrence been for the last 20 years? That was the first question I had for the two-time karate champion during our recent interview. Now a P.E. teacher at Reseda High School, the 37-year-old Lawrence took time from his lunch break to provide candid and honest answers to my questions.
Q: Im going to ask the question that has been on everybodys mind: Where has Johnny Lawrence been? A: Ive been busy! Working with these kids takes up a lot of my time. When Im not coaching the boys dodge ball team, Im either taking attendance in study hall or monitoring the cafeteria at lunch. Every day is different.
Q: When did you get into teaching? A: About ten years ago. Its a funny story, actually. After high school ended, I wasnt sure what I wanted to do. I took a few odd jobs here and there, but nothing really stuck. A buddy of mine, Dutch, was teaching Social Studies in Reseda and mentioned they were hiring P.E. teachers. I interviewed and the rest is history.
Q: So you got the job? A: Actually...no. They said I wasnt qualified. So I went to the Y and got a job answering phones. A year later, I reapplied for the P.E. position.
Q: And then you were hired? A: Not quite. They told me that I needed to take a physical which unfortunately, I failed.
Q: So how did you finally get the job? A: Turned out the old P.E. teacher was a pedophile so the Principal sacked him. The county was in a jam so they brought me on as a sub. Five years later, I was hired.
Q: Thats quite a story. So, with your busy teaching schedule, do you ever make time for karate?
Mr. Lawrence looked away and sighed.
A: Nah, I dont want karate anymore. I dont need it.
Q: Karate was such a big part of your life. Do you miss it? A: The membership dues of the Kai and weekly board meetings, the battles with Athletes Foot, those goofy skeleton costumes we wore on Halloween...do I miss it?!? Give me a break.
Q: Do you stay in touch with your former instructor, Sensei Kreese? A: I havent talked to Sensei in over 15 years. Last I heard, he was fired from this car dealership in Provo. Something about him smashing car windows when customers didn't buy.
Q: Looking back on your Cobra Kai days, you committed some pretty heinous acts. Do you have any remorse? A: I cant tell you how many times Ive cried myself to sleep, wishing those memories would just go away. For years, Id close my eyes at night and see Senseis eyes burning a hole through me. His voice telling me to Sweep the leg ringing through my ears.
In his All-Valley days, Lawrence kicked some major ass.
Mr. Lawrence put his face in his hands and sobbed quietly. Out of respect, I gave him a moment before continuing the interview.
Q: Moving on, many of our readers will be happy to know that youre happily married. Mr. Lawrence lifted his head, drying his eyes on the sleeve of his Members Only jacket. He was smiling again.
A: Thats right. Eighteen years and counting.
Q: Whos the lucky lady? A: Lucille LaRusso Lawrence.
Q: You married Daniel LaRussos mother?!? A: My people have a saying: some things in life are meant to be.
Q: Your people? A: P.E. teachers.
Q: Tell me about your marriage to Lucille. How did this come about? A: It was a few weeks after the All Valley. I went over to Daniels place to apologize for all those times I beat the crap out of him. Anyway, this gorgeous creature answered the door, said shes Daniels mom and that he was off in Okinawa. I told her who I was and what I was doing there. She was really moved by my gesture and offered me to come inside. Next thing I know were talking and laughing. Then kissing. Then humping in Daniel's bed. We spent that entire summer together. We kept our relationship a secret from Daniel for a while Luce thought that was best. Anyway, we got married in Vegas the following summer.
Q: Isnt it strange that youre, technically, Daniel LaRussos father? A: Not at all. Sadly, we havent seen or heard from Daniel since we told him about our love. He freaked out and sped away on his bike. Every day, Luce and I pray that hell come back home.
Q: If Daniel were to come back home, do you honestly think he could ever forgive you for the pain youve caused him over the years? A: I sure hope so; that high school stuff was a long time ago. Daniel needs to accept that I love his momand that hes about to be an older brother.
Q: Are you saying what I think youre saying? A: Thats right. Luce is pregnant; doctor says its a boy! Johnny Lawrence, Jr. is on the way!
Q: Congratulations, thats wonderful news. Hopefully this revelation will be the driving force that brings Daniel back to his family. A: Thats all we want. Daniel, if youre reading this please come home. Your mom and I miss your baby browns.
Q: Changing topics, what does the future hold for Johnny Lawrence? A: A lot of dirty diapers! (Laughs) Ill be quitting my job to stay at home with Johnny Jr., of course. Ive got so many things I want to teach him and not just stuff about dodge ball, either. I want him to grow up and do the things I never could.
Q: Like becoming a 3-time All Valley champion? Mr. Lawrence glared at me. In a split second, a startling transformation had occurred. Gone was the mild mannered P.E. teacher. In its place was a cruel man who clearly believed in striking first and striking hard...without mercy. I was taken aback and frightened by his wild eyes and clenched teeth. Leaning towards me, I knew he was envisioning the most brutal way to decimate my limbs. I took a deep breath, unsure of what was going to happen next. The tension now at a fervor pitch, Mr. Lawrence stood up and hovered over me.
A: Ive gotta get back to the lunch room.
With that, Mr. Lawrence walked away calm and collected, once again. Yet for a brief moment, I was reminded of the Johnny Lawrence of old the ruthless bully who would stop at nothing to destroy a helpless opponent. The legendary rage of Mr. Lawrence is evidently alive and well, and I was lucky to escape the interview without experiencing it. And even though he claims his karate days are behind him, one can only speculate as to how long the "reformed" Mr. Lawrence can succeed in keeping his inner Mr. Hyde docile.
GREAT Posted: 10/18/2006by: Jesse Dude, did you know that William Zabka (the guy who played Johnny Lawrence) is now a film director or producer. He was nominated for an Academy Award a few years ago. Nice to see that in real life, Zabka has risen above the ranks of being just another high school movie bully. But in terms of this article, I loved how Lawrence is portrayed as a pussy one minute and a fucking nut job the next. STELLAR Posted: 10/17/2006by: Steven Hilarious. I'm always up for a Johnny Lawrence feature and this delivered the goods. I love the way the intro is written and I like the washed up PE teacher with a hint of pyscho mixed in. Hilarious. Sweet article Posted: 10/17/2006by: Tony Well done, man. This was fucking funny. HILARIOUS Posted: 10/17/2006by: anthony fantastic article. laughed my ass off. Boo. Posted: 10/16/2006by: Tim Your welcome for reading the article. The downward spiral of this once brutally awesome site continues. dear snowball Posted: 10/16/2006by: antony apparently you missed the last line of that rant. i admit, the connection between an absurd aliteration and how this article was presented is reaching a bit, but i think it's there, hence, i made the comment about "controversy vs. conversation"...now that i have spelled this whole thing out for you, please die.
fuck you very much, have a lovely evening. Funny funny funny Posted: 10/16/2006by: Anthony This was great. Johnny Lawrence teaching PE and porking Daniel's mom is fantastic. Maybe Johnny Lawrence Jr. and other future Lawrence offspring will form a karate army. Something like Cobra Kai 3000 or some shit like that. Fucking great piece. Uhhh Posted: 10/16/2006by: Joe Kickass He said:
"conversational,"
not:
"controversial." controversial writing style? Posted: 10/16/2006by: antony what the fuck are you? some kind of new age femi-dictator who takes testosterone shots to justify changing your name from moonbeam to leroy? it was written in the form of an interview, what's controversial about that? smoke your dope, hate men, and let your dog lick you, in-between bad relationships with ugly women, but lay off the attempts at article reviewing. i picture as offspring of janeane garofalo and al davis.
j/k....you're alright guy. have a great day. Fan-friggin-tastic. Posted: 10/16/2006by: Leroy I thought this was fantastic. The author gave Johnny a different twist and I really liked it. Good flow and conversational writing style worked well. Nice.
