You know, Open Bar, we really dont hang out as much as we should. Im serious. We have so much fun together, but it seems like I only ever see you at weddings and office Christmas parties (which sucks because I cant really be myself around my coworkers if you know what I mean wink, wink). I just wish we could spend more time together, Open Bar. Its not that great when I have to pay to see you. It kind of takes the magic out of it.
Im gonna be honest though, Open Bar; youre kind of a slut. I mean, really. I have to push my way through a huge crowd most of them girls just to get your attention. And then you give me a watered-down version of something I used to know. But I think thats just your trick to get me to come back. Im on to your game and I kind of like it.
You barely pay attention to me, though, and that hurts. Not only because of how little I see you, but, and this is really hard for me to say Open Bar, I think I love you. Theres something there and you cant deny it. I think you know it too.
I mean, that time at New Years when you let me try that Hypnotiq, that was great. So what if my puke was blue. I kept coming back for more. Because you were the reason I was there, Open Bar. You knew it. I knew it. There was no denying it. Its like we were the only ones there, dancing a beautiful drunken waltz under the disco ball... which made me kind of dizzy, but, whatever.
Get away from my man, you SKANKS!
And that time at Jills wedding. I never had 7&7s so sweet. Mmmmmmakes me smile just thinking about it. And I dont think Jill really minded that I called her ex a Fuckface while I was giving the toast. You gave me the courage to do that, and Ill always be grateful for it. Theyre getting divorced anyway. And shes back with Fuckface. We dont really talk anymore.
Anyway, back to you and me. I just get so crazy around you. You bring out my wild side. Like, every time were together I just want to dancelike, a lot. And like a stripper. Thats how passionate you make me.
Open Bar, I get really angry when you talk to other girls. I know, I know, its your job, blah blah, blah. But I just want it to be you and me, and I get so fucking livid when I see you making a Captain and Ginger for SOME SLUT! That is OUR DRINK! Thats why I punched that girl in the face. She should know better then to come between us, Open Bar. Bitch was triflin'.
But it seems to be the same vicious cycle with you. Everything always starts out great. Its all champagne and Baybreezes at first. But then you pull me into a spiral of Jack and Cokes and Three Wise Men, and I lose my shoes and, ok, usually my braand my skirt. I am NOT A SLUT! SHUT UP! Why do you make me do that? I HATE YOU! You make me NAUSEOUS! Im never talking to you EVER AGAIN!
Im sorry. That was rash. I could never stay mad at you, Open Bar. Its just so easy when youre right there with your sweet potion of abundant confidence and lack of inhibitions. Okay, maybe we shouldnt hang out as much. But I like bad boys and youre way badder than anyone, even Diddy. Maybe we should keep things the way they are, the whole friends with benefits thing. We make great fuckbuddies.
uggggghhhhh Posted: 11/15/2006by: boner i stopped after the first sentence. could already tell it was a turd of an article.
you do realize that real people come to this site to be entertained, right? your junk writing falls waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy short of being anything other than a waste of time.
If I said Posted: 11/2/2006by: Eugene this was the worst article I have ever read, I'd be lying. That one abot the Nubian chief was worse...But this is pretty damn bad. Where's the funny, sweetheart? Where's the funny indeed. EXCELLENT Posted: 11/2/2006by: Maurice Carthon ... article again Ms. Ellis. Too bad you cheated on open bar last time you were together, and went home with some clown-shoes Eye-tye (your date).
BEST: Getting home and passing out on your couch. WORST: Going home and passing out on the Metro. Best/Worst Posted: 11/1/2006by: Seamus Best: 2 AM Italian Sausage Worst: 2 Italian's with Sausage Open Bar, Dude Posted: 11/1/2006by: Officer Farva I love open bars! Of course all I ever order are Schlitzes, but goddamn can I put 'em down. They go great with gas station hotdogs.
..... Posted: 11/1/2006by: Christine Best: hitching a ride on the back of mack truck worst: jumping off the truck in front of the kids you used to baby sit and their parents.
Best: Making up stories Worst: forgetting them and fucking up all chances with Dan. Best/Worst Drunk Stuff Posted: 11/1/2006by: That Guy Best - riding in black or white limo Worst - riding in black and white
Best - doing someone you don't know, and don't really like Worst - doing someone you do know, and don't really like Let's Do THis Posted: 11/1/2006by: Charlie Sheen best - doing a line off a prostitute's ass worst - standing in a line to do a prostitute's ass ... Posted: 11/1/2006by: Christine Worst: yelling Holla..........ever. Smore Posted: 11/1/2006by: Christine Best: scream shakespearian monologues in front of Independence Hall Worst: peeing in your cell
Best: Height races on the swings Worst: "I'll just put it all on my credit card"
