To: Adam Sandler CO Happy Madison Productions Los Angeles, CA
Mr. Sandler,
You don't know me but I am a struggling scriptwriter somewhere in the continential United States. I have a script which I feel would be right for your comedic talents and gifted screen presence. It would call for you to play a historical figure notorious for a variety of reasons, but as I wrote the script I envisioned you in the role so only naturally would I send it to you. Please let me know asap if you are interested (Mel Gibson may try and bid for it, once I find out his address).
Sincerely, Trevor S.
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To: Trevor S, Somewhere in Continential USA Struggling Scriptwriter
From: Happy Madison Productions, Los Angeles, CA
Dear Mr. Trevor,
Thank you for your interest in the films of Adam Sandler, unfortunately we are not able to read unsolicited scripts unless they are sent via an agent. However, I have taken the liberty of reading your proposal to Mr. Sandler, who expressed interest despite your lack of representation. Please send the script post-haste, as Mr. Sandler is a busy man and already has five sequels to "The Wedding Singer" in the can.
Harold Stein, Representative for Happy Madison Productions
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To: Harry Stein, CO Happy Madison Productions Los Angeles, CA
Mr. Stein,
Attached is the script, a rough draft of the film I would like to shoot with Mr. Sandler in the lead role. It calls for an actor who can convey a certain childishness mixed with blatent rage and anger, ready to be tapped at the mere drop of a hat. And the role is of Adolph Hitler, who may have been in charge of Germany for a while (but my understanding of history is faulty). Please let me know what you think.
Trevor S. Continential USA
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To: Trevor S., CO Continential USA Not Including Alaska and Hawaii
Mr. Trevor,
Sandler is attached to the project. Have you a preference of directors?
Sincerely, Harry Stein, Happy Madison Productions
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To: Harry Stein, Happy Madison Productions Los Angeles, CA
Mr. Stein,
I can't tell you how awesome it is that Mr. Sandler has decided to play Hitler in my new script, "Happy Hitler" (will consider a revision to "Billy Mussolini" if Mr. Sandler is ultimately uncomfortable to playing a guy with facial hair). For directors, I really had my heart set on Stanley Kubrick, but unfortunately he is dead. So either Sidney Lumet, Steve Spielberg, or the Farrelly Brothers should get first look at the spec script. Someone with a sensibility appropriate to comedy, I feel.
Trevor S., Counting His Money in His Estate, Europe
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To: Trevor S., Down and Out In Paris and London, But Still Granted a Waiver for Living Expenses
Mr. Trevor,
Lumet has expressed interest, as has Mel, but our gut instinct says Steven. He has experience with this kind of material ("1941") and will bring the right level of humanity and hilarity to the project. Mr. Sandler is intrigued by Hitler's last days in the bunker. Perhaps in the rewrite, you could add a scene with Carl Weathers and a prosthetic hand, or Bradley Whitford as Hitler's sniveling rival Stalin. Also, at some point Sandler must share a cringe-inducing love story with Drew Barrymore.
Just some suggestions, Harry Stein Happy Madison Productions
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To: Harry Stein Happy Madison Productions Los Angeles, CA
Harry, baby, I can't be expected to violate the integrity of my script! You don't understand, the scene where Goering (John Goodman) sits on the whopee cushion while discussing the Luftwaffe's bombing campaign is central to the narrative. Kevin Nealon is attached as Himmler, and Allen Covert will play Hitler's shifty rival Mussolini (who forces Hitler and the gang to put everything on the line when he threatens to foreclose Germany).
Is David (Spade) too busy porking Heather Locklear to audtion for Goebbels? Please tell me he isn't.
Trevor S., Between two hot sisters, Somewhere in the Tropics
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To: Trevor S., Wasting the Studio's Money, Barbados
Mr. Trevor, "baby"
Rob Schnieder is a go as the "You Can Do It!" guy (i.e., Goebbels). And Kathy Bates is set to make a cameo as one of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, if you can work it into the script.
Harry Stein, Happy Madison Productions
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To: Harry Stein, Happy Madison Productions, Los Angeles, CA
Harry, after much consoltation with my new companion (a deaf Japanese avant-garde artist), I've decided to go in a different direction. Apparently this Hitler guy wasn't so great, he killed some people. So in hindsight, it's best if I retool the script to reflect these changes, and see if someone like John Landis or Roger Corman would like the chance to bring it to the screen. I apologize for wasting your time, if not for wasting your money.
Give Peace a chance, Trevor S., In a Paper Bag
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To: Trevoko, Inside Your Consciousness, Tomorrow Never Knows
I'm sorry that you are terminating our deal, Trevor. However, I am willing to offer you a chance to write a script for a film we're considering as a vehicle for Mr. Sandler. It concerns a rich, elitist white guy from Texas who somehow manages to convince everyone he's common enough to be President. It's a comedy, of course. Please don't be a stranger if you're ever in town.
the spanish have a word for this article: Posted: 11/15/2006by: boner BASURA man Posted: 11/14/2006by: Rex The only thing worse than this article is the message board. Eugene Posted: 11/14/2006by: Common Sense "That Guy is a known terrorist apologist, hence the charge. He is also a fat, unbathed hippie, hence God's decree."
"That Guy: everyone knows you're fat."
How does everyone "know" That Guy is fat and a terrorist apologist? Seriously, all you do is accuse and expect it to be fact because you say so.
Also, someone can't be a personification of a person (Comic Book Guy), even if the person is fictional. Contrast this with the current personification of Common Sense that is typing this.
You really are an absolute child. And no, I'm not That Guy. Common Sense Posted: 11/14/2006by: Eugene "Disagreeing with the war does not equal supporting terrorism."
No shit? Thanks for stating the obvious, dipshit.
That Guy is a known terrorist apologist, hence the charge. He is also a fat, unbathed hippie, hence God's decree.
By the way, I'm NOT God, but thanks for the compliment.
That Guy: everyone knows you're fat. Stop fucking denying it. Admit you're the personification of the Simpsons' Comic Book guy, and move on, you disgusting lard.
Eugene Posted: 11/14/2006by: Common Sense Disagreeing with the war does not equal supporting terrorism.
I want you to read that sentence several times. Seriously. You're very confused about this. Eugene/God Posted: 11/14/2006by: another guy I think he will. Otherwise, he may actually have to respond to an argument instead of just baselessly attacking the arguer. I'm wondering... Posted: 11/14/2006by: not God, Yahweh, etc - just some guy If God/Eugene could call someone an "obese hippie" again? That never gets old.
P.S. Bill - you talked about politics in your comment about how comments on this this site shouldn't talk about politics. tjxlvp jfgmq Posted: 11/14/2006by: wqovtxunb@mail.com jfyr eaoq moenf zsankmy zlhv wrqbvyofk kidsmv And yes, Posted: 11/14/2006by: Bill I'm drunk again on a Monday night. Fuck you hank Williams Jr. Dear Yahweh, God, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, Buddha and Clapton, Posted: 11/13/2006by: Bill Polytheism Rocks!!
Good to see all the omnipotents are weighing in on this.
Yahweh, you stole. . .
And tell him to stop asking me to "bless the U.S.A." It really comes off as: "...and nobody else."
. . . from Chris Rock's Head of State. I'm a big believer in congruent lines of thought but since that sentiment played a pivotal role in that film's debate scene ("God bless Everybody else, Jamaica, not tourist Jamaica, but I'm talking about stabbin' Jamaica) at the very least you subconscioulsy stole it. I'm not sure if you're the same God who made the tablets, but if you did you're a hypocritical prick.
Secondly, Dubya's been running up the signing statements for 6 years now and all of a sudden some extremist dipshit decides to sound the alarm. Even though they all suck the big one, if Congress had been upset about this the last 6 years they would have used the recourse they had and sued the President. And don't get all X-files and say "well, the Republicans had control of Congress and they didn't care that Bush was doing this, it's all a conspiracy" because when the FBI raided the Democratic rep from Louisiana's offices all of Congress banded together like ugly chicks trying to keep their hot friend from hooking up and went apeshit. You've never seen bi-partisan cooperation like you did when the Feds went after one of their own and all they were screaming about was tainting the sanctity of the separation of powers, so relax on this whole signing statement thing.
Rush, no matter where you stand never quote an article that has any college professor as the first sighted reference. If anyone has ever been to college you have never seen one of these tenured 250K a year glorified teachers break a sweat, so they should stick to impressing 20 year olds. No matter what side of an issue they come down on, when they live in a world where 15 hour work weeks get them a frigging statue at some point so they don't get to weigh in once "chalking" ceases to be an effective medium. Nice patched sleaves you dicks.
Why don't all you different Gods use your awesome powers to make people realize that there is no "good side" versus "bad side?" You guys can do it. Also, remind everyone that Adam Sandler was put here by all of you after that bitheology conference on Venus to bring humor to all religions? Conditioner is better, pure transcendant comedy.
Stop fighting about politics on an anonymous humor board, and screw whomever has a problem with the new guy. I got turned on to this site for the funny shit, not what a few guys whose minds will never be changed think about the president.
PS. I'm all for change and women in government, but this Pelosi chick gives me the willies. I'm glad Bush and Cheney don't travel together. Give me Hilary over this lady any day of the week.
