 | Glory Days |
The Philadelphia Eagles held an impromptu press conference today to announce a Head Coaching change. The Eagles have been up and down this year, their most recent mishap occurring this past Sunday with a home loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Two times this season they have lost by a field goal as time expired.
Owner Jeff Lurie had a private meeting with head coach Andy Reid this morning to discuss the current status of the team. Yes, Andy and I met, hes as disappointed with the results as I am, he thinks the defense can improve, special teams can improve, everyone can play better, he can do a better job putting the players in position to make plays, blah, blah, fucking blah Hes not the one paying the salaries of this collection of choke artists, so I have to do something, otherwise that fat fuck will just blather on and on
Lurie then outlined the scope of the impending changes:
Im bringing in a former Eagles head coach to turn this thing around while theres still time. The Eagles used to be feared around the league for one thing: Defense. A defense that was hard hitting, that took cheap shots, that punished teams. A defense that separated Aikmans shoulder, a defense that was as unforgiving as that patchwork rug that used to cover the field at the Vet, which was responsible for countless injuries on its own. Im going old school and bringing back a fearless coach, a players coach, yes, Im bringing back Rich Kotite. Starting tomorrow this will be a different team.
 | Fans may remember head coach Kotite |
Reached for comment at Quiznos where he is/was the Assistant Manager, Kotite said his first official move as head coach will be the signing of Bubby Brister, currently the Head Manager of Quiznos. Kotite went on to say that McNabb is the starter and there is no quarterback controversy. However, he did also say that he doesnt trust a quarterback to run a team with vomit dripping from his facemask
This was a veiled reference to the Tampa Bay game where Donovan Jaeger Bomb McNabb was forced to call a time out during the game because he was vomiting at the line of scrimmage and could not call the play. He also threw two interceptions in the loss, both of which were returned for touchdowns by Tiki Im retiring young and rich bitch Barbers brother. Eagles fans undoubtedly remember the NFC championship game in Philly when the same thing happened with the same players. Eagle fans will also remember Donovan Im not a choker - Im a puker McNabbs penchant for hurling during big games, dating back to his college days and the Syracuse Michigan game, the difference being he used to puke and win, not puke and lose. Suddenly T.O.s criticism of the QBs performance during the Superbowl doesnt seem so crazy, even if T.O. himself still seems absolutely fucking nuts.
McNabb scheduled his own press conference today to clear the air saying simply that he was hung over and, that kind of shit happens when youre running around like crazy in 100 degree heat.
He then invited the press corps to accompany him and Andy Reid to Pats for cheesesteaks where they were going to game plan for the Redskins.
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