So, this year, I decided just abusing my liver on weekends wasnt getting it done anymore. I decided to step it up a notch and throw mental and emotional torture into the mix and picked up season tickets for the Buffalo Bills with the deluxe wax package at the local car wash. Seeing as Im addressing a geographically diverse audience, Im going to try hard and not digress into the plight of Bills fans suffering through another blunder-plagued season thanks to the top notch decision making of the Alzheimer Twins (owner Ralph Wilson, GM Marv Levy) who traded up in the first round to steal the third defensive lineman from NC State. Leinart? Pass. Were all set with Losman. Lets go with another one of those guys from Ohio State, theyre on T.V. a lot (Whitners good, dont get me wrong, but youd think going with a guy who touches the football EVERY FUCKING PLAY would be a higher priority).
No, Im not going to discuss any of that. I want to talk about an equally important playing field, one where the players are armed only with alcohol, meat, and their wits. Unfortunately, wit is sometimes in short supply as evidenced by the apparel choices of the football faithful. Specifically; Jerseys.
The Jersey wearer is an odd breed; tough to get a handle on, but after weeks of research Ive been able to categorize them as follows: (Ill be interested in hearing if they vary by region)
Hot girls in tight jerseys. As far as Im concerned, this is the only acceptable time a players jersey can be worn by someone other than the actual player.
Big girls in Big Jerseys. Mikes hard lemonade in one hand, Marb Red in the other, Eminem bumpin out the Blazer. Mmm Mmmph!
Badass jersey. Usually Randy Moss (a hotly debated topic is which Moss jersey is more badass: Raider black, or the throwback Viking), Chad Johnson, Terrell Owens, Michael Vick, etc. You can spot a badass because none of these players are playing in that days game, and hell be wearing a white fitted hat with cubic zirconium earrings.
Ingrates. You know Sundays are 'find you a daddy' day
Personalized Jersey. Okay, I like to give the benefit of the doubt and assume this was a purchase by some disillusioned family memberwife, mother in law, whatever, but that in no way makes it acceptable to wear out of the house. Are people supposed to think you were once a member of the team and they let you keep your jersey? Is that whats going on here? I dont understand.
Wearing an Ex-players jersey. A couple examples of this: 1) An ex player who is currently playing for another team. Simple rule of thumb if you insist on being a jersey wearer: when the player moves on, you should too. What exactly are you saying here? I love this man, Ill show the world this by wearing his name on my back, I dont care if he called Buffalo a white trash shit hole on his way out of town and now plays 2,000 miles away. 2) Player is retired, yet by wearing his jersey, I can show everyone my stance on all social issues. Classic Example: The Don Beebe jersey all around average wide receiver, key distinction; hes white. This guys pro-life, pro-death penalty, loves Chevy/hates Ford (or maybe its the other way around) and can be found in the upper deck rocking a day-glow orange hunting cap, smoking a heater, and sporting the jersey of the greatest wide receiver ever.
College Players jersey. And Im not even talking about some queer throwback of a current team member; Im talking about a current college player. I bring this up because I saw multiple grown men wearing Brady Quinn jerseys at the Bills home opener. I like to think they were just making their voices heard on what to do with the top overall pick next year but, Jesus Christ, write a letter or something. Its fucking creepy.
Official jacket of jersey wearers. That's leather.
Visiting fan dressing their kid in the enemys jersey. You want to fuck a little kid up for life? Dress him up in the opposing quarterbacks jersey and walk him through the parking lot where home team fans have been pounding beers for 5 hours. Its like parents walking their high school daughter past fraternity row during college orientation on a Fall Saturday. Not pretty.
Generic no name or number jersey. Yes, this does come with a pair of Zubaz and white high tops.
Please, take off the jersey. Youre at the game; everyone knows youre a fan. Enough is enough.
My homepage Posted: 11/8/2006by: Cassie Good design! My homepage | Please visit My homepage Posted: 11/7/2006by: Jason Nice site! My homepage | Please visit My homepage Posted: 11/7/2006by: Cassie Well done! My homepage | Please visit My homepage Posted: 11/7/2006by: Luke Good design! My homepage | Please visit GET A LIFE! Posted: 11/7/2006by: Sarge Would the posters on this page please, please, PLEASE shut the fuck up about Pat Tillman, his political leanings, and the covering up of his death? I come to this site to read funny shit, not the half-baked ranting of people who can't have a civilized discussion about politics.
Reamer, I hear you. I grew up in Western New York during the Superbowl years. In a bout of recent nostalgiac sports fever, I contemplated buying an authentic Bills throwback jersey. I decided to spend the money on less trivial things, but yearning for those glory days almost cost me $300. Thank sweet chocolate christ I wasn't drunk at the time or I might really have been in trouble.
Anyway, great article, and it's nice to see I'm not the only Bills fan out there who feels like driving a red-hot spike of iron into my penis every time J.P. Losman gets sacked and coughs up the ball. Did you see his 65 yard game against the Pack? Fucking miserable. My homepage Posted: 11/6/2006by: Craig Nice site! My homepage | Please visit My homepage Posted: 11/6/2006by: Karl Thank you! My homepage | Please visit My homepage Posted: 11/5/2006by: Tonya Good design! My homepage | Please visit bqcoume fselpx Posted: 11/4/2006by: mczj@mail.com euyx wfqotlp sbvfixcq rdoc cgtq ntpukx lyadv dwfcps qdcfnjuag oxycijkz dbwcn Posted: 11/4/2006by: htojei@mail.com tivrquh oflvjrue xhpycikl cpoi glwvpjayc lsjpdqhr umlkf
