Yeah thats right! I drive a pickup truck. Not just any pickup truck, the F-8000 Extended Superduty Hemi. I have so much unbridled horse power under the hood that I could haul the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria up Pikes Peak in one trip. Ive never actually hauled anything larger than my rampant ego as of now, but the fact is that I could, you fn douchebag.
Whats that youre saying? I cant hear you with all this emo music blaring from my 8-speaker Bose set up. My daddy didnt love me so I had to get a truck to reimburse me for my lack of self-confidence.
Check it out, my truck has 4 doors! Even though Ive technically never opened these two back doors, if I ever wanted to take the guys from my dart league or the ones from trivia night out skeet-shooting or something, I could fit at least 12 of them back here. As a matter of fact, I just put a request into the US Marines to use this badboy as a troop transport in Iraq--still waiting to hear back.
On the days I dont drive my truck, Ill lend it to my hopeless, lithium addicted wife so that when she goes sailing through a red light at an intersection, at least I know shes safe. If she should T-bone you, you will surely be the first person to ever get a front axle to the side of the head-- at least you wont ding up that battering ram thingy on the front of my truck.
Is that you next to me at a stop light? Ill glance straight down at you and a million bucks says that youll notice me out of the corner of your eye. Youll presume Im thinking that Im better than you and as a matter of fact, youll be right. Christ, I have a Calvin sticker on my truck with him peeing on France! Of course Im better than you.
So you get 800 miles to the gallon, huh? Feel good about yourself? Youre fucking special! Problem is, Ill gas you at the light each and every time and thats all that matters. Those 20 cylinders will start thrusting like an 18 year old American kid in the Red Light district with a pocket full of Euros. And you know what? Ill do it for consecutive lights every half mile on a ten mile road even though Im wasting more gas than a flaming Iraqi oil field. Who cares if I get five gallons to the mile? Dont nobody take me off the line!
I know we dont live in the Amazon Basin, wiseass. I just like big tires so that when I run over your speed bump of a Prius, all the electricity from your gay motor will be absorbed by the rubber and will not electrocute me.
How is this battering ram legal?
Smog test? Ha! Im exempt because this rig is diesel powered! Even if Im spewing smoke like Spyhunter, theres nothing you can do about it, Nancy.
Ill get on the highway and dart myself directly to the left lane no matter what because this is my truck and this is my country! I can sit in any lane I want. What are you and your little fucking Scion going to do about it? Yeah, pass me on the right and give me the bird jerkoff, I dare you.
My lights are always on the high beam option. In fact, Ive welded them in that position just in case my wife tried to get all rash with my settings. When Im approaching you from behind and you think it astute to not get out of the way, the lights will be so bright that youll think youre being abducted by aliens. But seldom will I ever approach from the rear, for I am by and large, right on your bumper at all times (See: unbridled horse power).
Only stalkers use the two second following distance. Not me! Ill be so far up your ass that I wont be able to read your license plate. But guess what? Youll be able to read mine because it will be pressed firmly against your back windshield. And if you cant comprehend what !KRT YM in your rearview mirror is, Ill tell you. It says, MY TRK! which means My fucking truck! And the only reason I have that is because OJ already had the license plate Fuh Q!
Turn signals are for liberals. I will get in this exit lane at the last conceivable second to cut you off because you know what? I like watching you eject inordinate amounts of brake dust all over the road as you try not to clip any other vehicles.
When I get home, I will take at least 15 minutes trying to back into a spot clearly posted for compacts leaving the two cars on either side of me no conceivable way to get their doors open to allow a human being to squeeze in. But you have to remember that I dont give a shit. I have already written down their license plate numbers in case they ding my running board with the top of their door. I will then take them to court and sue them, because I can.
Trucks are uselss Posted: 11/18/2006by: tom if you drive a truck that big you're a disrespectfull loser. God will punish you for your selfish. How about realizing other people exist. Bro trucks Posted: 11/17/2006by: Rikku Markka I live in Kentucky, so big trucks are a dream car. Nothing will make these guys' day more than driving a big-ass truck with big tires, a loud exhaust, and Hella or KC lights on top. The proper truck-driving gear in my state is: a John Deere hat, a can of Skoal wintergreen or Copenhagen in the back pocket, a knife on the hip, a rebel flag shirt with the sleeves cut off, and an empty Mountain Dew bottle to spit in. If they tow anything at all, it will be a trailer with a riding mower, a push mower, and a couple weed wackers, for their two-man "landscaping" business.
Check out my windshield, it says . . . Posted: 11/17/2006by: G-Mac NO FEAR!!! IN SCARY THRASHED LETTERS!! I FEAR NOTHING!! Totally Original Posted: 11/17/2006by: Cru Look At My Striped Shirt. tzre zbxuwt Posted: 11/16/2006by: zisewlp@mail.com aedmlsvrb rpfjuqzx rvlbzkt gmbc twsufdo iozmfrke xrenfupi gsre yaoqm qpvd knmq Posted: 11/16/2006by: eivsocjwh@mail.com lhydqeap jtgc rapmj ruiympvz fdqbxhu foeainv ykocahb Hey thar peckerwood Posted: 11/16/2006by: MrWhite That thems what wese call a crawler huh- huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!
DLamp's Title Posted: 11/16/2006by: Tom A and first sentence are hilarious. Total spit-take. I don't drive a big truck. Posted: 11/16/2006by: DLamp But I still have a small dick.
Down here in SoCal, most of the motherfuckers that drive these also have iron crosses/metal mulisha/Volcom stickers on the back and talk about dirt biking non stop and listen to shitty wanna be metal.
90% of them have goatees.
83% percent have that piercing right under their bottom lip.
74% Wear black hats slightly off to the side.
100% of them suck ass. it was a joke, howdy Posted: 11/16/2006by: deuce but ok.
it's a "pencil holder" not "plumbers butt," you fucking norris. and i still show 3" of my man saber when the other 6 is buried in your sister.
