So you are having a quiet night at home. You pop in a DVD. Knowing you like I do, its porn. The first scene comes on and you get a view from behind this big dude. Hes got some chick in The Dog. Her boobs are flopping everywhere. The camera slowly starts panning to the side. The big fella starts in on a little dirty talk.
You like that!?! Feast on this!
You notice the dirty talk has a bit of an English accent- not Cockney or Lancashire. It's something else. You can't quite put your finger on it. The big fella is dark. South African maybe? Definitley colonial.
The camera finally gets around to the front. The gal has got an almost pained look on her face. You know she is getting pounded because there is NO WAY she can act that well. If she could, she'd wouldn't need to grip cock for a living. You try to stay focused on the chick, but you end up stealing a glance at the dude banging her from behind. Its cool. That doesnt make you gay. And thats when you stop. You take your hand off your Johnson. Pause the DVD.
Holy Shit.
Vijay Motherfucking Singh.
This big, bitches! This big!
Vijay Singh as a porn star. That guy is John Holmes, Dirk Diggler, and Peter North all rolled into one. Not to mention hes Fijian to boot. Golf and porn have such a natural chemistry it is unreal. Balls, holes, shafts, grips, tees, grass, golf carts. Is this a good day on the course or a great night picking up at the bar? The titles for Vijays skin flicks just roll off the tongue. The 19th Hole, Keep it in the Fairway! (starring Monica Fairway), I Shot 72 Luckily we have a guy here in Vijay that keeps porn new and fresh. Just what a flagging porn industry has needed. Really, how many times can you watch two gals get naked and go down on each other? (ok, bad example) But, if you hear they are going to be doing it with the Singh after that you are not fast forwarding through the rest of the show.
Not to mention Vijay practices more then anyone. He is insane when it comes to practicing before a round of golf. Now check him out right before a video shoot. Hes got 12 different fluffers out sitting around all morning. Hes got one in the dog. He uses one to practice anal with. He gives some girl the coyote. Hes tea bagging another. He and his caddy practice some double penetration on one and the wobbly H on another. Hes got 6 dirties just sitting there so he can practice his mnage a trois three different ways. And that would just be his warm up before the filming starts. He would abuse those gals once the camera started rolling. Folks are going to end up renaming the shit a Dirty Vijay and a Fiji Steamer. Why should he even bother staying with golf? He isnt taking down Tiger so why not spend his days taking down dirties? This guy is about to become an unstoppable force in the porn industry so sit back and enjoy the ride.
C'mon Posted: 11/16/2006by: Tiger Grow up. Golf course-as-porn articles are sooo cliche. Ok, how about:
1) Ballwashers 2) Carry His Bag 3) (Beastiality)-I nailed a Birdie and an Eagle 4) Nothing is Out of Bounds 5) Play 'er where she lies 6) (Chubby Chasers) Mulligans 7) Playing Fore Skins 8) (anal) Dirt on my head 9) Take a Drop 10) Way Under Par
Should we keep going? Um Posted: 11/16/2006by: DLamp 1. You got man goo on my spiked shoe.
2. Carl the greenskeeper lays some sod.
3. Fore! on one
4. Play her where she lies
5. Winter Rules (all super hairy dudes/chicks)
6. BJ Singh I can go all night Posted: 11/16/2006by: Balls 1. This will break left to right 2. A nice up and down 3. Range Balls 4. Beating a 7 Handicap (that was wrong) 5. Triumph in Augusta Also Posted: 11/16/2006by: Tom A 1. Oh My! The Dalai *Is* Loooong 2. Knees Apart, Waist Bent, Elbows In, Head Down 3. Gap Wedge Some More Posted: 11/16/2006by: Tom A 1. Rimmed Out 2. Interlocking Grip 3. Lipped Out 4. Backed 'Er Up 5. Give The Beverage Girl a Tip Mine Posted: 11/16/2006by: DLamp 1. Two under, one over.
2. Michelle Wee Ones.
3. Paired with Couples.
4. Three woods on the first hole. how 'bout Posted: 11/16/2006by: deuce 1. the 19th hole 2. shooting 'pin high' 3. working on the short game (midget porno HEY-OH!) 4. putting from the rough (gay porn) 5. keepin' it in the fairway OK, I'll bite Posted: 11/16/2006by: Balls 1. Teeing off with 3 woods 2. Stuck in her Sand Trap 3. Mind if I play through (your cunt)? 4. A Dogleg Left tom a - awesome. Posted: 11/16/2006by: deuce 1. long and straight 2. fix your ball marks 3. divot repair 4. bunker blaster's 2 Of Course There's: Posted: 11/16/2006by: That Guy 1. Wedge It in There, Nice and Tight 2. CenterCut 3. Need A Fourth?
