Weve heard the term a million times but what is a Douche Bag, really?
Wikipedia describes it as A piece of equipment for douching: a bag for holding the water or fluid used in douching then advises, To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina the douche bag must not be used for an enema.
Now, that is just fucking nasty.
Alas, folks, this holder of drained and crusty vaginal fluids is more appealing than the true meaning of the word found by our Phat Phree research team.
However, rather than give a paragraph describing the term, we thought we would show you the worlds biggest DBs in an attempt to educate you, our beloved readers in the hopes that we might prevent you from ever having to suffer prolonged contact with the ultimate gutter goo: The Douche Bag.
Ranking
1 (Kind of a Douche, but Id still hang out with them)
5 (A skeeze-bag but I would still drink with them)
10 (A total Gina Washer, Id bathe in bleach if we ever had contact
THE MANWHORE DOUCHE BAG- KEVIN FEDERLINE
Cornrows? Check.
Wife-beater and tatoos with a gut? Check.
Pipe dreams of becoming a rapper instead of getting a real job to support his 4 kids? Double-check.
Federtrash is the king of all douches. Dancer my ass. Before Britney Trailer Spears took over where the state left off, he was the screwing truck stop strippers with C-section scars that he picked up in flashy cars he rented with stolen credit cards and drug money. Now that Spears wants her old life back, K-Fed wants spousal support. Isnt that like the dude who presses rape charges? D-O-U-C-H-E!
Douchey Factor- 10
THE SKANKY-DOUCHE BAG: DENISE RICHARDS
There was a time when she was just hot Denise Richards. You know, the gal who could have very easily been in Platinum Escort ads had some John Robert Powers agent not gotten lucky. Then she was sperminated with vagina juice by the road kill known as Charlie Sheen and, before we knew it, our hot playmate looking pseudostar was just another hot water bag hanging on the old Hollywood shower rod. Throw in the whole sleeping with your best friends husband and hitting old ladies with laptops and youve got yourself some grade-A Douche.
Douchey Factor- 8
Yes, Bartender, A Big Glass of Douche, please.
THE GOLDEN DOUCHE BAG- DONALD TRUMP
Hes rich. We get it. His life is better than ours. So hes told us a million times. This Fugly Braggart has planes, trains and a wife who looks like Miss Universe. Hell, he owns Miss Universe! Alas, all of the money in the world cannot rid you from the smell of the juice. What millionaire chooses that hair? A Douche.
That said, if Donald reads this, I didn't write this Mr. Trump.
Douchey Factor- 5
THE NO-BRAINER DOUCHE BAG- BRAD PITT
Let us get this straight: When he went with Gwennie-Hippie Paltrow, they got the same haircut. When he married Jennifer I look like a SaveOn Employee Aniass, he got matching highlights. Now hes banging Angie HoLee and he wants to save the world? This loser may be heavy on the looks but hes got no balls. In fact, hes not a Douche- Hes the whole big, flappy Vagina.
DoucheY Factor- 7
OTHER DOUCHE BAG'S
TOM CRUISE- The couch-jumping, Alian-believing, Closet-Hiding Douche
Douchey Factor- 10+
PARIS HILTON- The no-talent, beef-jerky for a penis-hole douche
Douchey Factor- 9
Brandon Davis- The fat-Elvis, who in the hell is he anyway, go OD already-Douche
Douchey Factor- 9
CLAY AIKEN- The PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT PUT ME IN THE QUIVERING LIVER PATTY! Douche
Douchey Factor- 3
CLAIRE DAINES-The home-wrecking, granola-munching muff-diving LUG (Lesbian until Graduation douche. Douchey Factor- a strong 6
Tempting but we're not in the whole burning snatch scene
KIRSTEN DUNST The I used to be cute but now I have schmegma under my saggy boobs and smell of BO and hippie oil Douche
Bone-Head Posted: 11/19/2006by: Yvonna I seriously doubt you are a writer who gets paid to write (street sign painting doesn't count, dude). Most writers have a vocabulary that exceeds "whore" and pathetic attempts at verbal attacks. You're a loser and you're boring. You clearly have nothing to offer society and attempt to leave your mark (a negative one, no less) on an internet comment board.
We're laughing at you, not with you.
There you go again... Posted: 11/19/2006by: Yvonna Thanks Mr. Menlo-aka- Boner-aka- Weird dude who writes "whore" to someone he's never met. Don't look now but your computer address is showing. :) this article is a total piece of shit Posted: 11/17/2006by: mr.menlo in fact, i re-read it to make sure my assessment was correct that this article totally sucks and i got an instant case of bum gravy. feel sorry for the toilet brush.
learn to write, whore.... thatguy is a used condom Posted: 11/16/2006by: niglets typos in the article = retarded ass monkey fucker
typos in the comment section = who the fuck cares? Slightly Less Douchey Posted: 11/16/2006by: That Guy than the "Points Out Typos in Humor Articles Douche."
That's where. What the hell is an.... Posted: 11/16/2006by: ur momma Alian. Where does the Can't Spell To Save My Life Douche fall on this scale? See? Posted: 11/16/2006by: Charlie Sheen Pathetic.
One more asshat for the "2B Ignored" pile... charlie sheen Posted: 11/16/2006by: Garfield you are the ultimate ballgargler...
just thought you should know.
i am willing to bet you are the gay in your family. Mr. Menlo/ManniVanilla/boner/whatever Posted: 11/16/2006by: Charlie Sheen He has to be trying to sound like an idiot.
He simply has to be.
There is no way someone could repeatedly string together "Internet Warrior" cliches over and over again.
I mean look at that crap - "chin-strap," "shortbus," "your mom" "queer" blah blah blah
It's just too obvious. nice comeback clown Posted: 11/16/2006by: mr.menlo fumbling around for words is what you do best.
you should just shoot yourself in the face now and get it over with.
i'm glad you care about the sad state of our public schools because you apparently were one of the "no-child-left behind" kids that got left behind. a madlibs book could come up with better insults than you. so put your fuckin helmet with chinstrap on and get back on your shortbus. meanwhile, i am gonna go hose off your mom then let her out of her cage for the day.
25-1 says you still suck your thumb you little queer. i'll bet you are one of those guys that practices self-fellatio.
