 | Peterson's days as a married bachelor |
SAN QUENTIN According to recent reports from San Quentin, Scott Peterson is adjusting nicely to prison life. Following his comment to a guard that he was just too jazzed to even think about sleeping,
Peterson quickly began to integrate himself into life on death row in an effort to show just how "jazzed" he really was. During his first break in the recreation area, Peterson was seen chatting up other notorious inmates, including Richard the Night Stalker Ramirez.
Although it isnt known what transpired between the two, sources on the inside indicate that Peterson let Ramirez know that there was a new horny bastard in town. Long known for the many marriage proposals hes received since being sentenced to death, Ramirez must now compete with Peterson for the affection of women who want a real bad boy.
Prison spokesman Joe Turner confirmed that Peterson has already received several marriage proposals and is already swamped with mail from female admirers. Although it isnt known whether Peterson is planning to accept any of the offers, sources close to the Peterson family told reporters that Scott plans to play the field for awhile before settling down.
 | Horny Bastard of San Quentin |
In addition to being San Quentins Most Eligible Bachelor, Peterson wasted no time in letting it be known that he didnt plan on settling down behind bars in a monogamous inmate relationship. An inmate who declined to go on record for fear of retribution leaked that Peterson has been spotted entering the cells of several death row inmates, which has made it unclear exactly whose bitch Peterson really is.
According to the unnamed source, Peterson be takin it up da ass from a few muthafuckas on Block D. Efforts to confirm this statement were unsuccessful.
Prison officials have indicated, however, that Peterson recently received a shipment of business cards with the logo Scott Peterson Horny Bastard of San Quentin, thus following through on an idea he had in his pre-prison days while living a dual life as married man and bachelor.
In addition to his continued efforts to sow his wild oats, Peterson has reportedly been enjoying other aspects of prison life at San Quentin. His favorite activity involves admiring the lovely views of the San Francisco Bay, where he is believed to have dumped the body of wife Laci.
When asked what he was looking at, Peterson told fellow death row inmate Ramirez to mind your fuckin business unless you want to take a little fishing trip.
Peterson is also a big fan of prison food and often asks for seconds in an effort to bulk up to return to the weight of his glory days as a fertilizer salesman in Modesto.
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