 | Rookie Hazing Begins |
The 2005 Altar Boy draft was held last week in Rome. As expected, new Pope Benedict XVI, went with 12 year old Helmuth Bertram as the #1 overall pick. Bertram is the German middle schooler that most cardinals in the papacy have had their eyes on since his 8th birthday. Following is a list of how the rest of the first round went with analysis on each pick from Pope Benedict.
2nd Pick: Paolo Valentino, 13 years old, Naples, Italy
Pope Benedicts Analysis: Soft hands, great build, a real comer. Solid #2 pick.
3rd Pick: Sataheep Mongkut, 11 years old, Phuket, Thailand
Pope Benedicts Analysis: A little young for such a high pick, but presence of a mustache makes him look more mature. Could blossom into one of the best the church has experienced in years.
4th Pick: Manuel Rosa, 15 years old, Madrid, Spain
Pope Benedicts Analysis: The 2nd oldest entrant in this years draft. Strong legs, great upper body, team player, quiet type.
5th Pick: Gaston Chapin, 13 years old, Paris, France
Pope Benedicts Analysis: The French usually turn out quality boys with great passion and Gaston fits that mold. A solid pick at #5.
6th Pick: Steven Marcus, 14 years old, Chicago, USA
Pope Benedicts Analysis: Americans usually dont get drafted so high but Stevens recent conversion from Judaism to Catholicism makes for an interesting project, plus his large physique for a 14 year old is too hard to ignore.
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7th Pick: Ivan Danya, 16 years old, Moscow, Russia
Pope Benedicts Analysis: The oldest member of this years draft pool, Ivan has really developed into a fit young adult this past year. I expect him to teach me some new tricks that I can use on the younger boys.
8th Pick: Giancarlo Lorenz, 12 years old, Rome, Italy
Pope Benedicts Analysis: A pick right from our own backyard here in Rome. Giancarlo has been a friend of the church since he was a little boy. We look forward to watching him blossom into manhood.
9th Pick: Yoshi Mashiro, 14 years old, Tokyo, Japan
Pope Benedicts Analysis: The Japanese have a great history of turning out impressionable young men and Yoshi is no exception. We expect him to thrive under our close tutelage.
10th Pick: Lukasz Kowalski, 14 years old, Krakow, Poland
Pope Benedicts Analysis: We usually dont draft Poles so high but we did so this year in honor of Pope John Paul II. Lukasz boyish looks and smooth skin moved him ahead of the other Poles under consideration for this pick.
11th Pick: Amare Jaja, 13 years old, Lagos, Nigeria
Pope Benedicts Analysis: The first African to be picked in this years draft. Amare is quite a specimen and has a physique that is more of a young adult than that of a boy entering his teens. All of the cardinals look forward to making him feel like a part of the team.
12th Pick: Vargovic Capek, 12 years old, Prague, Czech Republic
Pope Benedicts Analysis: A solid pick to finish off the first round. He calls himself the V man, but we dont see that nickname lasting too long once we get to know him.
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