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In order to establish the theoretical background for female Halloween sluttage, I sat down with a local sorority girl for a fireside chat to get an introspective view of the intricacies of a slut’s Halloween.
Matt: Hi. Nice of you to meet with me.
(Handshakes exchanged)
Aschleigh: Nice to meet you too!
That’s not really what I meant, but okay. Let’s get started, shall we?
Yeah!
It says here that your name is Aschleigh. So were your parents Turkish or retarded?
I don’t get it!
Nevermind. What are you going to be for Halloween?
I am going to be a CEO of a major company!
Oh, okay, that is wholesome. So you are going to wear a business suit—some slacks, a blouse and a jacket and maybe some eyeglasses then?
Hell no! Do I look like a 5th grader?! I am wearing a bra, a skirt and some high heels!
How exactly does that make you a CEO?
I am going to be carrying a briefcase of course!
Right. Of course. And what are your friends dressing as?
Kelsee’s going to be a slutty nurse, Ashley’s a slutty cop, Britni’s a slutty cowgirl, and Ashlee’s a slutty prostitute!
Aren’t prostitutes naturally slutty?
Yeah, but she is going to be REALLY slutty!
Enchanting. What are the differences between all of your friends’ costumes?
That’s a silly question mister! Kelsee’s going to wear a bra, some shorts and a nurse’s hat! Ashley’s going to wear a bra, some shorts, and a policeman’s hat! And Britni’s going to wear a bra, some shorts, and a cowboy hat!
So the hat is really what makes the costume for you all.
Right!
What about the prostitute? Ashlee number 3?
She’s going to wear a bra, and some shorts, plus she is going to act like she has syphilis, a meth habit, and an incredibly flappy vagina!
Spot on. Why don’t you just go dressed as slutty…sluts. Then you don’t have to worry about the hats.
What a great idea!
You’re welcome. Let me stop you for a second, I can’t help but notice that you are speaking in all exclamations. What is that about?
I am?!?
Your parents should be so proud of you
Yes, you are. Which is weird because I only exclaim when absolutely necessary—like when old lady Duncan is hassling me to come over to her house and rub her arthritic spine, and I say “Fuck you granny!” and run away, fast like the wind.
I don’t get it!
Nevermind. What kind of plans are in place for Halloween?
What kind of plans are in place for Halloween?!?
What, are we playing the repeater?
What?
What happened to your exclamation?
Oh sorry…what?!?
Now it seems you are channeling Lil’ Jon…or is it Dave Chappelle doing Lil’ Jon? Because I prefer Chappelle’s version.
What?!
Nevermind, let’s move on.
Okay!
Exactly. Anyway, what are you doing for Halloween?
My sorority is having a bash! You should come!
I’m there. What will happen?
My girls and I will get really drunk! And then we will make out and lift up each other’s skirts to try to get guys’ attentions! Then when the guys come over and try to touch us, we will slap their faces and call them assholes for treating us like sluts!
But you are a slut.
No I’m not, I am just dressing like one for Halloween!
I am confused. If you don’t want to be treated like you are a streetwalker, then why not dress like Janet Reno or Grimace from the McDonaldland gang?
Because Halloween is the one time of the year where we have an excuse to dress like a slut!
But why?
Because! Deep down all girls want to dress sluttily every day! But they don’t because they know that the other girls will ridicule them! So then, in order to exercise our innate harlotry, we have all agreed that it is okay to dress like skanks on Halloween and act like they are costumes!
That is a surprisingly well-articulated argument. But I don’t think baby Jesus died on the cross so you could walk around dressed like a whore, even if it is under the guise of a golfer or nurse or astronaut or tax attorney.
I think that’s Christmas!
Oh yeah. But still, have some respect; as a representative for the male species I feel it my duty to inform you that we can only deal with so much sluttery.
Really?
Q: How much fun was it to find these pictures? A: Really fun
I was comparing second chic pic to the others and the tube top they are wearing doesn't seem to help them that much. It is possible that she has an extra tight top which creates more rackage bulging from the top.
That Guy - Good obersavtion.
deuce
joe kickass
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:06:14 PM
"ugly redhead" may be passable (it's hard to tell with "tired-as-fuck-aviators").. i'm more worried about shamu (3rd from left, back row) tearing mcnabb's head off in a chunky soup quest
Victoria
"Tube Top"?
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:25:40 PM
Uh, no. Wonder bra corset, and it definitely helps them a ton.
That Guy
deuce/Joe K.
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:30:19 PM
What about Ms. Pnk Burlap Sack over on the end? What the hell is that about? And what possible reason could *she* have to be *smiling*?
P.S. Is that one second from right actually doing "Slutty Sherlock Holmes"?
deuce
elementary
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:36:26 PM
ha! where is her pipe? HEYOH
"pink burlap" looks like a chewed up piece of bubble gum.
dc
Victoria
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:46:08 PM
Your product isn't working for the brunette given that she has to wear a bra underneat the corset/tube top.
ms
the best
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Post #: 17
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Posted: 10/31/2006 2:46:31 PM
in the last picture, the girl in the front row on the left is by far the best. slutty black football player.
Victoria
dc
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Posted: 10/31/2006 3:14:18 PM
That bra is not for support - it's for security. She is afraid that someone might yank down the corset. She's not (quite) as slutty as her friends. Or maybe she just likes to be the one who decides who she flashes...
Tom A
Last tPic
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Post #: 19
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Posted: 10/31/2006 3:35:42 PM
That one on the right end of the back row seems to be enjoying Sherlock's easing back into her, just so...
P.S. That *camoflage* on that blond in the back is not working. And I'm so glad for that. I'll be back in a few minutes...
dc
I think Joe might be right
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Posted: 10/31/2006 3:41:52 PM
The more I look at Red the more I'm reminded of Rocky Dennis.
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