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We are all, essentially still children. And that includes Jim Fath and Rick Falcon. True, we are larger now, we are 30, and like most adults we have jobs and car payments and parole officers, but we really aren't much different from when we were kids. Our sense of humors have become just slightly more refined in that the sight of Jim Carrey pretending to talk out of his butthole used to thrill us to the point of exhaustion, but now merely mildly amuses us.
But there are some types of juvenile humor that have never nor will ever lose their entertainment value for us. A well timed elevator fart. Video of a skater kid breaking his collarbone while attempting some gay trick on a railing outside of a library. And of course, very fat people trying to perform every day tasks to no avail.
But above all these admittedly sophomoric pleasures is our passion for inappropriately named towns and state parks. I remember the sheer joy that swept over me as a child when traveling through Southern Ohio on our way to go camping, (AKA poor family vacation) on the Mohican River. About a half mile before arriving at our nine dollar camp site, we would pass a campground called camp Twodick.
This was the single most hilarious thing that my young eyes had ever seen. And it still hasn't stopped being funny to me. If I passed that place right now, I would start laughing, and then try to wrestle the signpost out of the ground to keep as a souvenir until a ranger shooed me off.
We're certain you're aware that this great country of ours in brimming with hilarious town names. There's a "Boneville Georgia" and a "French Lick Indiana". And one can't help but wonder what myopic settlers named these towns without thinking twice about their dual meaning And who are these stalwart citizens that continue to live in places such as "Onacock Virginia" despite the constant razzing they undoubtedly receive from the benignly named neighboring town of Greenville?
For whatever reason, Pennsylvania seems to have an outright glut of sexually-named towns. It's almost as if the first settlers there were frat guys, and the Sigma Chis just went apeshit, naming towns solely to try to make their "brothers for life" laugh. And who was going to stop them? The Amish or the Quakers?
Now, of course we realize that just rattling off eleven PA towns with funny names wouldn't really make for much of a list. So we took the extra step of going online, finding some phone numbers for each town, and prank-calling a resident. We figured if we were going to go "high school humor", we might as well go all the way.
As it turns out, prank calling people is way harder than we remembered. And we still can't figure out whether we've gotten really bad at pranking since we were 14 due to a lack of practice, or whether we were always really bad and just didn't realize it back then. Regardless, some of these are pretty lame, and we fully admit that. But they are all genuine. Enjoy!
1 Beaver Falls, PA
The word Beaver is hilarious because it also means vagina. You could tell that the guy at this Bowling Alley was used to having teens call him and harass him based upon this fact.
2 Reamstown, PA
It took Jim a little while to get to the joke in this one, but eventually it paid off as far as we're concerned. Notice that Jim affects different accents through all of these for some reason, as if someone might recognize his voice if he doesn't.
Posts: 177 Rank: 51 Joined:
4/8/2007
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:25:42 PM
We have some odd street names in Chi-town (Weed St., Wacker Dr., etc.), but most Chicagoans appreciate the inside joke that we have three streets that rhyme with vagina: Paulina, Melvina, and Hunt.
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:33:54 PM
This piece was brilliant and merited 5 MFDs from me which I don't give out too often. It reminded me of the good ole' days of listening to Jerky Boys tapes when I was a kid. Intercourse as a town name is just fucking unbelievable, but Moreheadville is brilliant. And i'm not even sure what I'm supposed to with Blue Ball.
"There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Sun. It has been the ruin of many a poor boy. God knows that I am one. "
Posts: 865 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:35:20 PM
Which is a local Seattle Mag that Dan Savage (of Savage Love) edits, and I came across this reader's question:
I have a bit of an issue with a fantasy: I am turned on by the idea of a woman dying during climax. This would seem to be one of those fantasies that is impossible to fulfill, consensual or otherwise, as I cannot go around killing women. The police would find it odd. I am at a loss. Any ideas?
Impossible Fetish
My question is -- Big Nick, is this you?
"Raise up of these n-u-t-z cuz you getz none of these, at ease"
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