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We know what you gonna say
Contemporary radio formats are as stale now as they've ever been. Having been glued to our Ipods for the past 3 years, Rick Falcon and Jim Fath felt compelled to revisit this age old entertainment format for this week's list.
Our plan was simple; we'd listen to nothing but radio for a week and see what we found. On day two Rick contemplated suicide and Jim destroyed his stereo, clock radio, and his Toyota factory cassette stereo. So after only after a days worth of listening we present to you following list:
The Ultimate 11 Radio Formats
Local Sports Talk DJ
This poor bastard has to fill three hours, every day, even during baseball season. And you can only interview a relief pitcher so many times. That means he has to fill the majority of the time taking calls from moron sports fans. He doesn't want to sound completely rude when they call in with completely ridiculous trade scenarios that would never happen and retarded commentary about last night's game. But you can hear his contempt for these mouth-breathers grow with each passing day.
Classic Rock DJ
Would it kill you to mix it up a little, Classic Rock DJ? Did you know that Pink Floyd, AC/DC, and Rush have an extensive catalog of songs to choose from? Feel free to play as many as you like and not just the same four every hour on the hour. Seriously, I can set my watch to Ted Nugent "Strangle Hold"
Oldies Format
This is pretty much the same as the Classic Rock station with an added 30-40 years to the age of the average listener. Somehow this station always finds ways to remind it's listeners that they are near death with constant benchmarks like "On this date in 1963 the number one song was..." or by filling you in on birthdays of people you thought were dead like Peter Tork and Del Shannon along side birthdays of people that are actually dead like Richie Valens, Sonny Bono soon to be you.
Classical Music DJ
This guy has the cherriest DJ job in the biz. Each song lasts about four hours, giving him time to complete at least 12 sudokus every day. Plus there's no pressure if he screws something up, because no one is listening any ways.
Sucks. Your car should have a cd player in it loser. That way you don't have to listen to Timberlake and Fergie relate how they could take your man/girl.
Posts: 65 Rank: 100 Joined:
7/12/2007
Location:
Buffalo, NY
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:34:46 AM
$10 an hour to show the geriatrics in the office how to copy and paste in microsoft word. I probably shouldn't be complaining about cushy DJ jobs when I only do about 15 minutes of actual work per day.
Posts: 1265 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:35:14 AM
Lynne Thigpen as "radio deejay" from The Worriors.
All right now, for all you boppers out there in the big city, all you street people with an ear for the action, I've been asked to relay a request from the Grammercy Riffs. It's a special for the Warriors, that real live bunch from Coney, and I do mean the Warriors. Here's a hit with them in mind.
Posts: 2115 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:43:14 AM
My best friend and I are doind a road trip across the country in two week and we will be stopping in Denver for the night on the 17th. Can we stay at your house?
Just kidding, but maybe we could hook up for a beer or two...or three.
Posts: 1166 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:48:15 AM
Let me know where you guys are going out and maybe we can meet up for a beer. My cousin is coming into town that weekend so I may actually get to go out for a night.
Hey Jiz, do me a favor and change you icon to something I wont get fired for having on my screen if a coworker walks up behind me. That would be GREEEEEEEEEEEEAT.
Posts: 831 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Washington, DC
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:53:59 AM
"...15 minutes of actual work per day."
Kid, nothing changes when you grow up.
Other words of wisdom:
a. Fuck everything b. Use a condom c. Don't marry before you're in your 30s. Then see "d." d. Never get married. e. Women are attracted to money and status. f. Acquire money and status. g. Once you've done "f." see "a.", "b.", and "d." h. Never take a 7 year loan on a piece of shit Kia (see: "f.") i. Don't eat at Arby's...ever.
---
Vert, I'm still laughing from yesterday's "soy sauce" comment.
Posts: 277 Rank: 26 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:54:03 AM
Best radio DJ - Samuel Jackson in Do the Right Thing.
The Mexican stations piss me off because I listen to them all the time (Mexicans roll with the windows down because they don't have air conditioning). Apparently you need to have a giant sub and six 12" speakers to really feel the tuba in that cock-a-mayme bullshit.
I'm sure these people actually dropped the G that this stuff cost to put in their 1987 Caprice worth $700 and did not get it through any kind of illegal means either.
Posts: 2115 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:59:38 AM
I love the fact that today is the first day I have ever seen the phrase "cock-a-mayme" actually spelled out. Thank you.
Shit Sandy - Why does your list cause me to feel this overwhelming sense of failure? Did you sprinkle magical voodoo powder on your keyboard before you typed it? Weird.
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