Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Funny Athletic Kinda pretty and I've seen enough Asian porn to know that you are a freak in the sack, BUT....
I hate rice (and, therefore, your cooking), so you're not tricking my penis into falling in love with your slanted, happy-fun-time box (or whatever the hell you people call it). It's the Year of the Dragon, bitch, not the Year of the Clam!!
Pooholes - brightening Sparto's day by demonstrating that there is someone even more pathetic and unfunny.
Tbone- proof that we should allow abortions at any point before or after birth.
DC - 29 years old and still believes in the Easter Bunny... and worse yet, ugotdorkd.
Vert - way to hold it down by hating on the innocent, because the rest are just too easy.
Kiele - I surf when I can, but Miami has no fucking waves unless there's a tropical storm on the way. It's at least two hours north to a decent break. But I learned living in Oceanside (SD does have good spots), then in Myrtle.
UgotDCbutnobodyelsedork - it would be so fucking easy for you to post a pic that proved you're not just some slack-jawed assclown pulling a prank that spartan's already done.
ps. yes, spartan's sloppy seconds, just think about that if you need a little more motivation once you've loaded the gun and taken the safety off.
We went to HoJo's and got sat near the bathroom. It smelt of shit early and often, so I decided to check it out. The poop was all over the 1 stall in there and there was an "Out of Order" sign on the door. I thought the best thing to do would be to throw a sugar packet into it poop. So I did.
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
