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So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Posts: 18 Rank: 128 Joined:
1/26/2007
Location:
shanghai, Peoples Rep of China
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:42:45 AM
I worked in a MickyDs once where a drunk prick took a big steamer in the middle of the men's room, just feet away from the actual toilet. Luckily the manager hated the guy I was working in the kitchen with, so I cooked quarter pounders while he cleaned up the big mac.....oh what sweet memories.
Posts: 717 Rank: 18 Joined:
6/20/2007
Location:
Norristown, PA
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:50:55 AM
We cleaned the bathrooms there once a week. (!!) One day though, someone came in and took a dump that went from the urinal up the wall and across part of ceiling, and from looking at it, it didn't look like they simply flung it. My manager opined that they must have been shot full of CO2.
They wanted me to clean it, so I climbed the shelves and hid near the insillation for an hour, until they made this retarded guy that worked there get a pressure washer and clean it up.
Posts: 1961 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/6/2007 11:35:39 AM
Question - 36B or 36C? I had a dream where they were 36C but by your pictures the look to be 36B.
In other news, when I was in the military me and a bunch of buddies were in Reno visiting the the Mustang Ranch 1 & 2(brothel) and the Old Bridge Ranch. Right after we left the first place, I had to take a massive shit. So when we got to The Mustang Ranch II, I asked where the bathroom was and the Madam showed me this room in plain sight where everyone can see the toilet (apparently they don't want you jerkin your meat in there.) Long story short, 4 hours later we finally leave the last place and I am about to explode so we stop at this Burger King and I just get my pants down and I exploded past the toilet and onto the wall behind me and allllll over the toilet. I actually waddled into the next stall to clean up. That release was better than sex.
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