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So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Posts: 420 Rank: 49 Joined:
4/9/2007
Location:
Littleton-ish, CO
Posted: 8/6/2007 12:26:57 PM
Is there a Comment of the Week? I recommend Mr. Sammich's post, # 30.
Spartan. We all know you are pervert. You find an odd joy and satisfaction knowing that grown men are pleasuring themselves to pictures you are hiding behind. Does Mrs. Spartan know this side of you? Is there a Mrs. Spartan? Or this some other persona you use to advertise T4M on Craig's List?
Posts: 603 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:07:22 PM
T.V.'s in New Orleans after Katrina (too soon?) My ass after takin a liquid shit after eating Hooters' 911 wings A Red Kia Sophia with a tan door handle
fairy tale that is Ugotdorkd. It's too tame to be sharty (and too old school), but it just reeks of not possibly a real person. Sorry boys, hookers like that can't use the interweb,and all the pics are photoshoot style and shit, not personal pics haning around the house. Fuck the new one is from the website of a club in vegas. If you were posting pictures of yourself, wouldn't one out of a dozen be casual.
Posts: 1265 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:22:22 PM
anything that ends with too soon or see what i did there, was probably funny until either of those is added to it, then it is kinda gay. Katrina was 2 or 3 years ago and only effected undesirables living off tax dollars (welfare recipiants), it was funny the day it happened. oh yeah, why not rebuild a city that is below water level right next to the fucking gulf of mexico, brillient
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