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So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Posts: 1961 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:44:14 PM
...Jessica Beil's ass covered in baby oil. ...the thought of titty fucking Christine. ...DLamp at a NAMBLA rally. ...BigNick's muscle picture..............wait...what?
Posts: 1256 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 1:50:25 PM
I'm really not sure what the process is, so after you get a restraining order againest DC, will you post step by step the process for obtaining a restraining order so that i can get one againest Sparto.
That matchmaker is such a bitch to the people she is hooking up, i'd probably not make it very long before i took a number 2 pencil off her desk and rammed it into her eyes and ears. "now you're def and blind bitch keep telling me what i'm doing wrong, fuck you cunt i'm out!"
Posts: 585 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 2:06:31 PM
I went to four games last week (I actually had tickets to three of them since the beginning of the season, not just because A-Rod was going for 500.) All wins. 16-3 tuesday, 8-1 wed, 16-8 sat, and 8-5 yesterday. I was at the game for 500. My uncle actually called me friday night and gave me the tickets. We were in the front row down the right field line in foul territory. Heckled the shit out of Mark Teahan to the point where we actually got him to turn and look at us. Some skank kept trying to hit on Abreau every inning, flashed him her tits and dropped a card on the field with her number on it. I don't think he ever retrieved it. All in all, it's been a good week for us Yankee fans.
Posts: 1961 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/6/2007 2:12:02 PM
Dear Nick, I wrote but you still ain't callin I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got him There probably was a problem at the post office or something Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot him but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your slaughter? My wife is pregnant now, I'm bout to be a father If I have another son, guess what I'ma call him? I'ma name him Nicky. I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan I even got the cell phone pics you took of your tan. I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man I like the shit you do on your Ninja, that shit is phat Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, This is Spartan
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