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So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Posts: 244 Rank: 27 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/6/2007 2:24:02 PM
But did anyone see highlights of Michael Irvin's HOF acceptance speech? To borrow his same reasoning as why Tony Romo is a good athelete - Michael might have a little fag in his family history to be able to cry like that.
Good lord! Even Mike Schmidt thinks that you needed to pull yourself together!
5 blacks going to a funeral in a limosuine with tinted windows during the month of august. Dwight Gooden in 1985. Jim Fath during '07 A Nicole Sheridan highlight reel Jefferson's tires peeling out from Christine's place
Chernobyl. A fireman's nutsack. R. Kelley's libido at a Girl Scouts of America meeting. The Coen Brothers in the '90s. My advance copy of "The Simpson's Movie" on DVD. Spartan's imaginary wife.
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