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With the announcement of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' resignation on Monday, producers of the popular cable-television news satire program "The Daily Show" are regretting their decision to take a two-week hiatus.
"Man, we are kicking ourselves," said executive producer Troy McClintock. "We thought we'd be in the clear, since Rove announced he was leaving last week. We figured unless something big happened like Condoleezza Rice losing an eye in a fishing accident or Britney accidentally feeding one of her kids to a manatee that it would be an uneventful couple of weeks. But now with Gonzales leaving, and all the speculation over possible replacements, I really wish we on the air to make fun of it."
"The people who really lose out are the viewers," added segment producer Elliot Kahn. "Most of them get all of their news from our show, so they won't have any idea that this is even happening. I mean, when we show reruns and it's all 'Bush said something stupid, something blew up in Iraq, here's an interview with the author if a book you'll never read' a lot of them don't even notice that they've watched those episodes already. Of course, pot helps."
Many have compared "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart's vacation arrangements to the deal that Johnny Carson had with NBC during his time as host of "The Tonight Show". Both men work only four nights a week, have eight weeks of scheduled vacation during the year, and have massive writing staffs who do most of the actual work.
"It's a shame to miss out on all the Gonzales stuff, but frankly, a lot of us needed a break too." Said staff writer Rachel Shapiro. "We were getting kind of burned out trying to find new jokes about the presidential candidates when they just kept saying the same stuff over and over. Plus, a lot of us got really frustrated that we couldn't make all the dead coal miner jokes we wanted to because of issues of 'good taste'. It was really disappointing.
"The correspondents get a bum deal when we go on hiatus like this also." She added. "They don't have the same sweetheart deal that Jon does, so Samantha Bee had to take a job as the Assistant Night Manager at the Sbarro's on 133rd street. And Riggle's gone back to breaking people's thumbs for his bookie."
Still, the producers are confident that they will retain their loyal viewership in spite of the two-week lapse of topicality.
"We're the only game in town," boasted McClintock. "I mean, where else are people going to go for fake news and self-referential in-jokes? The Internet? Ha! I'd like to see that!"
Posts: 115 Rank: 2124 Joined:
7/23/2007
Location:
Albany, NY
Posted: 8/28/2007 2:44:06 PM
Wow...a lot of hatred for my uterus comment.
I am now the lowest rank member of TPP.
I have so many people to thank, but mostly I'll thank myself, for making so many people hate me, as well as plenty of people so bored that they don't even respond to my comments.
Also, I've got to thank TPP for having 1 or 2 great articles and getting me completely hooked to the point that it doesn't matter how shitty they are, now, I still have to check out the message board every other day or so.
Lastly, I'll thank my sense of humor. God sent it, I signed for it, world keeps on spinnin'.
I've October 9th on the Termination pool. That't the day after Columbus day. No way she makes it to work the next day after getting hammered in a Wop bar.
Posts: 2817 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/28/2007 2:51:41 PM
I thought there is no way this guy watches me while I'm drunk. I fall all the time and I hump poles and stuff. I said, you must have me confused with someone else and he said he didn't. He said as drunk as I am, I don't look it. He said I never have "drunk face". Which I think may be true. I do try to never look sloppy. until I get home and fall asleep with my tongue hanging out and smeared lip stick.
Posts: 115 Rank: 2124 Joined:
7/23/2007
Location:
Albany, NY
Posted: 8/28/2007 2:59:44 PM
it's not the number of breaths you take, but the number of breaths that the right person is willing to take away from you as you strive for the perfect oxygen-deprived orgasm.
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/28/2007 3:02:51 PM
You have a Polish fetish?
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. The 10:00 show is completely different form the 8:00 show. Remember to tip your waitress. Drive home safely.
Posts: 2039 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/28/2007 3:03:09 PM
Vert, I would never shit your posts, sir. Your words are the gold upon this guilded site. I bask in their radiant warmth.
Christine - You really need to blow this guy. He was trying reallllly hard to get you to. At least give him a handy while you stare into those deep pools of blue ambrosia he calls eyes.
You can jerk him off until he cums in your hand. Then you can carry his seed to your apartment and drip it into a ice-cube tray, then cover the tray with Saran Wrap, stick a toothpick through the wrap and into the cunt spackle, and let freeze. Once frozen you can remover the wrap and enjoy your very own fireman/bar owner cumsicle.
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