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Good morning, children. Welcome to your first day of kindergarten. Boy, there sure are a lot of you, aren't there. Say, just to get things started, I'd like to take a moment and get to know you all a little bit. First, please raise your hand if your birthday is in June, July, or August.
Okay, I guess I might as well explain why that is. You see, about six years ago, some people did a very bad thing, and it made everyone in the country very afraid and forced them to think about what they were doing with their lives. Now, the logical reaction to a national tragedy of that magnitude would be to say, "I refuse to bring another innocent life into a world where something terrible like this can happen". But instead, a lot of mommies and daddies, or in most cases just the mommies, decided that they needed to do something to makes themselves feel like their lives were worthwhile. As a result, all of you came along in the next nine to twelve months. Of course, after a while people sort of got over the very bad thing and they settled back into their comfortable familiar routines.
Just out of curiosity, please raise your hand if you can remember a time when you didn't go to day care.
That's what I thought.
What's that? You want to know why the people did the very bad thing? That's adorable. What's your name, dear? Madison? How many of the rest of you are named Madison?
Wow. In my class it was Jennifer, but I guess times change.
No, seriously, he really said 'I cannot tell a lie'.
Anyway, Madison, it's wonderful that you still think it's fun to know things. That feeling won't last. Pretty soon it will actually be important for you to know things, but you won't care. And of course, those of you who still think it's fun to know things will be constantly tormented because of it.
To get back to your question, Madison, I can't tell you why the people did the bad thing. The curriculum says you won't learn that until the second grade, and even then it will mostly be lies. Then in sixth grade they will admit that they lied to you in second grade and they'll tell you new lies that they'll expect you to believe. Or, at least, repeat. By the time you get to tenth grade, they might actually tell you the truth, but like I said, by then you won't care.
This will also be the case for the Civil War. And the American Revolution. And Vietnam. And most of the rest of American History. And Government, for that matter. In fact, I were you, I'd stick to things that either entirely empirical, like Math, or entirely subjective, like Literature.
No, Connor, because there's no funding for Art or Music.
Because we can't measure the results.
Anyway, children, I want you all to understand that school is an adventure. You'll make friends, and probably enemies. There will be victories and disappointments. Most of your social interactions will be with the same people, over and over again, and so if you're smart the main thing that you'll learn is how to manipulate situations to your advantage. If you're not smart, you'll learn to coast, which is just as effective.
Okay, that's it for the morning address. Now it's nap time. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Posts: 260 Rank: 26 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:09:13 AM
Talk about a defeatest article... nothing like brightening up your Friday morning than an article that hits on 9/11 kids and the terrible state of our education system. If the teacher would have ended up touching one of the children at the end - this could have been a real knee-slapper!
Posts: 2831 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:11:57 AM
on this site. They never make me laugh. But I will say that there is no way that our country was not in some way involved with 9/11. Its impossible. I would never wear a fucking tee shirt to the site where thousands of americans died, but I do believe that we were involved.
Ever since I saw Swordfish, and I know its only a movie, but all idea come from somewhere and I would not be surprised if our government did have some kind of inhouse terrorist system.
I also know 100% that flight 93 did not crash, but was shot down, which is also constantly denied.
Posts: 2047 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:16:00 AM
I swear to God Almighty, if one of you fucks even utters the word "conspiracy" I will stalk, rape, skin and eat every one of your family members.
Christine - The #1 picks for FF are obvious. It's just a matter of getting the luck of the draw. We all know everyone wants LT as a RB, Manning as QB, Gould as a kicker, etc. It's the second picks that are important because chances are pretty good that you won't get first pick of all the positions. You gotta know where the hidden talent is at. That's the secret.
p.s. I swear an oath to the ancient god, Baal, that if anyone takes my Bears defense, I will devote my entire life to slaughter of everyone you have ever loved.
Posts: 452 Rank: 28 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:18:53 AM
But some fuckers take it too far. It's all propaganda, good and bad on both sides. But I think most people here need to go spend some time in a 3rd world contry to realize how fucking good you have it here. Quit fucking bitching and believe in everything: Your government, Santa, and the fucking egg-laying bunny!
Posts: 2831 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:21:46 AM
You were supposedly in the military. You're gonna tell me that you can't imagine any of that shit happening? or our you just still brainwashed?
whatever, I will not win this argument because there are too many of you soldiers and southerners. I take it back. 9/11 happened because of some good ole fashioned hard work and planning of the arabs.
Posts: 2047 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:30:44 AM
In all honesty, I believe we, the USA, could do anything we want to, including 9/11, but we didn't.
Why is it so hard to believe that some radical terrorists planned to hijack two planes and crash them?
It doesn't take a superpower nation to help you with that plan. Loose Change and all it's clones is nothing but clever editing mixed in with eery sound bites. Don't believe the hype.
I still love you and masturbate to your avatar on a weekly basis...
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