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Good morning, children. Welcome to your first day of kindergarten. Boy, there sure are a lot of you, aren't there. Say, just to get things started, I'd like to take a moment and get to know you all a little bit. First, please raise your hand if your birthday is in June, July, or August.
Okay, I guess I might as well explain why that is. You see, about six years ago, some people did a very bad thing, and it made everyone in the country very afraid and forced them to think about what they were doing with their lives. Now, the logical reaction to a national tragedy of that magnitude would be to say, "I refuse to bring another innocent life into a world where something terrible like this can happen". But instead, a lot of mommies and daddies, or in most cases just the mommies, decided that they needed to do something to makes themselves feel like their lives were worthwhile. As a result, all of you came along in the next nine to twelve months. Of course, after a while people sort of got over the very bad thing and they settled back into their comfortable familiar routines.
Just out of curiosity, please raise your hand if you can remember a time when you didn't go to day care.
That's what I thought.
What's that? You want to know why the people did the very bad thing? That's adorable. What's your name, dear? Madison? How many of the rest of you are named Madison?
Wow. In my class it was Jennifer, but I guess times change.
No, seriously, he really said 'I cannot tell a lie'.
Anyway, Madison, it's wonderful that you still think it's fun to know things. That feeling won't last. Pretty soon it will actually be important for you to know things, but you won't care. And of course, those of you who still think it's fun to know things will be constantly tormented because of it.
To get back to your question, Madison, I can't tell you why the people did the bad thing. The curriculum says you won't learn that until the second grade, and even then it will mostly be lies. Then in sixth grade they will admit that they lied to you in second grade and they'll tell you new lies that they'll expect you to believe. Or, at least, repeat. By the time you get to tenth grade, they might actually tell you the truth, but like I said, by then you won't care.
This will also be the case for the Civil War. And the American Revolution. And Vietnam. And most of the rest of American History. And Government, for that matter. In fact, I were you, I'd stick to things that either entirely empirical, like Math, or entirely subjective, like Literature.
No, Connor, because there's no funding for Art or Music.
Because we can't measure the results.
Anyway, children, I want you all to understand that school is an adventure. You'll make friends, and probably enemies. There will be victories and disappointments. Most of your social interactions will be with the same people, over and over again, and so if you're smart the main thing that you'll learn is how to manipulate situations to your advantage. If you're not smart, you'll learn to coast, which is just as effective.
Okay, that's it for the morning address. Now it's nap time. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Posts: 803 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Washington, DC
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:49:48 AM
Having just matriculated back from a week in Orleans, I will only comment by saying that I hope the Big Easy takes a CAT-7 right up the ass...sparing only, once again, the French Quarter.
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:50:23 AM
COD
DC, no one so far has defended W like that. We just don't think that he was involved in the terrorist attacks. I could be talked into believeing that United 93 was shot down, but that wouldn't exactly anger me as it would have been the (sadly) logical thing to do.
Posts: 452 Rank: 28 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:53:56 AM
between politics and "big brother" conspiracy theories who's following is mostly comprised of kids that take guns to school and, aparently, the #1 ranked member of this site.
Posts: 1054 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:54:21 AM
is that the middle east hasn't been a fucking sheet-of-glass parking lot since 9/13/2001. then we have the gall to call the opposition terrorists? And send over hundreds of thousands of our best citizens (and my fucking friends) over to police a fucking shithole & get killed for the next 6 years? all because they aren't fighting the way "gentlemen" fight? (that should sound real familiar if you are about 250 years old) what the fuck were those fucking-ass pull starts going to do? sail their navy of aircraft carriers, destroyers, battleships & planes and go toe-to-motherfucking-toe with the USA?
(i'll give you a minute to remember if that's how we defeated the British or not...)
Nope. they hate us. they hate our ideals, they hate our freedom. they hate that we are not governed under islamic law. their theology is more "us against them" than colbert/ stewart could ever make bush out to be. under islamic law, (which is two fold) if you are not muslim, you are breaking the law. the second part is to spread islam across the world. guess what happens when #2 encounters #1? their own government is more corrupt than ours could ever dream of being, and they use this theology to cover it up, and project the cause of 99% of the population living in squalor on to the evil imperialists. the western world. pretty fucking good recruiting tool if you ask me.
If they are going to fight dirty, we fight dirty. Fly over the middle east with a B-52 and drop 10 million pamphlets that read:
"By the time this floats to the sand, and you read this, you have 24 hours to choose if you want to be vaporized or not. 23:59:45.... Durka Durka, bitch.
-uncle sam"
i am sick of them abusing my freedom to come to my country & try to change it to fit their practices. thats not the way it works over here, cat stevens. fuck their men, women and children. Fuck 'em long, fuck 'em hard.
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:56:43 AM
But, "if you want to make an omellete you have to break a few eggs" is beyond me. Why would the government think taking out the logistical and symbolic hub of American capitalism would help out the country? I'm not naive enough to think everyhting they do in Washington is with our best interest in mind, but I want to believe they wouldn't go this far.
Posts: 2047 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:02:05 PM
duece, I have never said this to a man and really meant it, but I love you. I would go down on you if you asked me to. I'm not gay, but you deserve some man-head if you wanted it. Holy fucking Shiite. Well said, sir. Well said.
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