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Good morning, children. Welcome to your first day of kindergarten. Boy, there sure are a lot of you, aren't there. Say, just to get things started, I'd like to take a moment and get to know you all a little bit. First, please raise your hand if your birthday is in June, July, or August.
Okay, I guess I might as well explain why that is. You see, about six years ago, some people did a very bad thing, and it made everyone in the country very afraid and forced them to think about what they were doing with their lives. Now, the logical reaction to a national tragedy of that magnitude would be to say, "I refuse to bring another innocent life into a world where something terrible like this can happen". But instead, a lot of mommies and daddies, or in most cases just the mommies, decided that they needed to do something to makes themselves feel like their lives were worthwhile. As a result, all of you came along in the next nine to twelve months. Of course, after a while people sort of got over the very bad thing and they settled back into their comfortable familiar routines.
Just out of curiosity, please raise your hand if you can remember a time when you didn't go to day care.
That's what I thought.
What's that? You want to know why the people did the very bad thing? That's adorable. What's your name, dear? Madison? How many of the rest of you are named Madison?
Wow. In my class it was Jennifer, but I guess times change.
No, seriously, he really said 'I cannot tell a lie'.
Anyway, Madison, it's wonderful that you still think it's fun to know things. That feeling won't last. Pretty soon it will actually be important for you to know things, but you won't care. And of course, those of you who still think it's fun to know things will be constantly tormented because of it.
To get back to your question, Madison, I can't tell you why the people did the bad thing. The curriculum says you won't learn that until the second grade, and even then it will mostly be lies. Then in sixth grade they will admit that they lied to you in second grade and they'll tell you new lies that they'll expect you to believe. Or, at least, repeat. By the time you get to tenth grade, they might actually tell you the truth, but like I said, by then you won't care.
This will also be the case for the Civil War. And the American Revolution. And Vietnam. And most of the rest of American History. And Government, for that matter. In fact, I were you, I'd stick to things that either entirely empirical, like Math, or entirely subjective, like Literature.
No, Connor, because there's no funding for Art or Music.
Because we can't measure the results.
Anyway, children, I want you all to understand that school is an adventure. You'll make friends, and probably enemies. There will be victories and disappointments. Most of your social interactions will be with the same people, over and over again, and so if you're smart the main thing that you'll learn is how to manipulate situations to your advantage. If you're not smart, you'll learn to coast, which is just as effective.
Okay, that's it for the morning address. Now it's nap time. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:04:15 PM
Not since Micahel Jordan returned to the NBA with a press release that said simply "I'm back" have I been struck by a man's return via the written word.
Posts: 1054 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:05:04 PM
sorry for the rant.
sorry for the abscence, i've been....
"away."
i know i've missed a lot. thought about you guys (and girl) a ton. not enough time to read back & try to "catch up" and my posts will probably be infrequent at best in the future but- how's everybody been?
Posts: 2831 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:08:09 PM
Last thing before i end this whole discussion: I do not think they meant for it to go that far. I think they wanted something to happen to raise our fear and get us behind an army. It just got complicated and info may have trickled into the wrong hands and 9/11 was the result. I don't think at all that they wanted that big of an event to take place. and I think most of them live with that guilt every single day because even if they played the smallest part in 9/11, they still played a part.
and I am not saying that bush did have anything to do with it. he's so dumb, they probably wanted to keep him totally out of it. but there are so many people in the shadows that have more control than you will never know.
I wholeheartedly agree with deuce and what he is saying too. Certain middle eastern countries have had it in for us for a long long time. but I think in this certain case, they had some help, even if it was minimal.
Posts: 2047 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:09:12 PM
We've been good.
7 crowns is the new Spartan. I'm funny now. T-Bone is still a fag. Christine is gullible as usual. DLamp's rectum is a little larger. AB has bedded more women than Gene Simmons. SS is a photoshop god. BigNick's pecs are bigger but his balls are smaller. Balls is still a giant. dc misses ugotdorked We all missed you.
Posts: 260 Rank: 26 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:14:59 PM
Small addition to Duece's post - Muslims hate Non-Muslims almost as much as they hate other Muslims that have slightly different views than themselves. The reason half of Europe isn't covered with mosques and turbins is that they started fighting with each other. We need to get back to having them kill each other instead of us - and the best start is getting our young men and women out of that shit hole and letting Iraq tear itself apart.
Then we get a Tom Berringer type from "Sniper" (not Billy Zane - I don't trust him) and have him take out the Ayatollah and frame it on a Sunni.
Posts: 1054 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:22:29 PM
it appears you were here before my sabbatical, yet i dont remember you... regardless - spot on post. I watched sniper* a couple of weeks ago, marky mark could totally handle that if beringer is on the P.U.P. list (knees).
i jacked & ate a cheeseburger afterwards. great flick.
thanks mako - an congrats on getting out of the hospital.. (i'm assuming you took a beating for snaking in on a picture with some dude's woman....)
balls - the jordan line was undeserved, but thanks brutha.
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