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Hello... I'm here to raise your Insurance
Being males in our early 20's (emotionally speaking) both Rick and I have had our fair share of run-ins with members of law enforcement and in almost every case we were always greeted with a generous amount of attitude and sometimes with just a hint of taser.
It goes without saying that most cops are assholes and, in their defense, they have to be. The hours and pay are usually shit; you have to deal with the absolute dregs of society; plus there's that gay ass uniform complete with matching Ford Taurus. So yeah, we see how you might have a chip on your shoulder "Officer Friendly".
But some officers take it too far. Just ask twenty year old Missouri resident Brett Darrow. Brett had his camera rolling when a St. Louis police officer pulled up behind him in a parking lot last month and proceeded to intimidate him and even threaten him with potentially fabricated charges.
Here is the 13 minute clip via you tube.
Now while Brett might be a little paranoid to have a mouted security camera rolling while he drives we do admire his tenacity albeit momentary in dealing with officer dickbag. Both Rick and I would have opted to just sit there powerless and let the cop yell at us for 10 minutes as we've done 100's of times before. The secret is in being patronizing but not TOO patronizing. You just sit there nodding and repeating "Yes sir", "No sir", and "I wasn't aware my genitals were visible to those High School girls sir." (Impressive Rick)
Still though it's really not fair to say ALL cops are assholes when there are so many different kids of cops and assholes out there. So this week Rick and I thought we'd break it down as best we could as we present the Ultimate 11 Asshole Cops: An Asshole Matrix for Members of Law Enforcement.*
*We fully realize that we are giant pussies who are basically blogging about something instead of standing up for ourselves. This is one in a many long line of that. Are you honestly surprised? Anyway on with the list...
Auxiliary Police Coming in at number one are the saddest cops of all. The Auxiliary Police. These guys are rarely assholes. In fact in most cases they're very nice are just glad to have someone to talk to as they get stuck sitting somewhere for hours on end. These sad sacks get stuck directing traffic, patting down concert goers' and sitting at the all night counter a Dennys to make sure the teens don't get out of hand at 3 am. They even sometimes seat people if the hostess is busy. No lie, we've seen it. Someone tell us if we should have tipped him.
Transit Police We've never been exactly sure what these guys do as we've never had to deal with them before. We're assuming they aren't huge assholes as they are probably not exceptionally busy most of the time. We're guessing that if you rob, rape, or murder someone at a bus stop, train station, or subway platform this is who you call. "Hey you, with the counterfeit bus transfer! FREZE!!"
County Sheriff in Municipalities In some big cities with large police departments the sheriff's office is typically delegated the task of transporting prisoners to and from court, prison, and elsewhere. For that reason these "Glorified Bailiffs" are usually pretty nice folks. Once in a while on TV you'll see a courtroom outburst where some of these rotund Teddy Bears with guns have to restrain someone. It's usually the only time these guys have to be assholes. To their defense if you had to put down your coffee and paper to wrestle some irate drug dealer you'd probably be an asshole about it too.
Who the fuck went back and read that article shitting all the comments?
did no one else ever play beamis? We always used to play that shit before soccer (fuck you guys, I played footbal and hockey too) practice. You would stand in a circle and volley the ball all around and when someone fucked up and let it hit the ground they got a letter, like in horse. when you got beamis, you stood against the wall, bent over with your one hand flat on the wall (keeping you from slamming your head into it, and one hand cupping your junk, and everybody got to blast you with the soccer ball from like 20 feet away.
Posts: 607 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:16:32 PM
We played the Suicide game, only we called it Wall and we had a slight variation. We would play with 20+ people and same rules applied except you wouldn't get beaned right away. You had four chances to fuck up and each time you didn't make it back in time you got a letter W-A-L-L. When you spelled out the whole word, you could no longer play, but you actually had to go and stand as PART of the wall until the game ended. This meant that you had to stand there, and get the shit pegged out of you until there was only one person left.
We also played the monkey bars game, we actually called it American Gladiators. We had to stop after a kid fell and cracked his head open.
Did anyone else have the Dome on their playground? It was this half sphere made out of thin, monkey bar like pipes arranged in triangular patterns with a good 3-4 square foot gap in the middle of each triangle. You basically just climbed on it. We played this game called Spider, where one kid would be on the inside of the sphere. Everyone else climbed on the outside. The person on the inside had to climb up and pull people down into the center of the sphere. This thing probably went about 7-8 feet off the ground (this was elementary school) and kids would literally get ripped through this sphere, smashing arms, legs, and faces on the metal pipes and thrown 7-8 feet to the ground. Parents REALLY loved this one.
Kids these days are missing out for not getting to enjoy all of this fun shit we used to do.
Posts: 607 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:25:03 PM
AB, the person shitting comments is Mako. It's the only way he can get his score up since nobody on here would EVER plus the shit he posts.
Thinking back to my football practice days, we had some pretty fucked up drills.
One drill was called Nutcrackers. two people would lay about 8 feet apart with the top of their heads pointed at each other. The coach would randomly throw the ball to one of them. They'd both get up and the guy with the ball would try to score, while the other guy would try to tackle him. The best would be when a slower kid would be trying to get off the ground and the other kid would just come through and anihilate them. Sometimes the coaches would pit two kids against one, which would always end in the one guy getting carried off the field.
Another drill was called Bone in The Ring. One guy stands in the middle and the rest of the team makes a circle around them. The person in the middle spins around in a circle while the coaches call out people at random to crash the middle. If the person in the middle wasn't quick enough, they would get lit the fuck up. Sometimes when the shittier kids would be in the middle the coach would have 3 or 4 of the biggest motherfuckers crush the kid in a row.
There is no sicker human being in the world than a High School Football Coach.
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