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Hello... I'm here to raise your Insurance
Being males in our early 20's (emotionally speaking) both Rick and I have had our fair share of run-ins with members of law enforcement and in almost every case we were always greeted with a generous amount of attitude and sometimes with just a hint of taser.
It goes without saying that most cops are assholes and, in their defense, they have to be. The hours and pay are usually shit; you have to deal with the absolute dregs of society; plus there's that gay ass uniform complete with matching Ford Taurus. So yeah, we see how you might have a chip on your shoulder "Officer Friendly".
But some officers take it too far. Just ask twenty year old Missouri resident Brett Darrow. Brett had his camera rolling when a St. Louis police officer pulled up behind him in a parking lot last month and proceeded to intimidate him and even threaten him with potentially fabricated charges.
Here is the 13 minute clip via you tube.
Now while Brett might be a little paranoid to have a mouted security camera rolling while he drives we do admire his tenacity albeit momentary in dealing with officer dickbag. Both Rick and I would have opted to just sit there powerless and let the cop yell at us for 10 minutes as we've done 100's of times before. The secret is in being patronizing but not TOO patronizing. You just sit there nodding and repeating "Yes sir", "No sir", and "I wasn't aware my genitals were visible to those High School girls sir." (Impressive Rick)
Still though it's really not fair to say ALL cops are assholes when there are so many different kids of cops and assholes out there. So this week Rick and I thought we'd break it down as best we could as we present the Ultimate 11 Asshole Cops: An Asshole Matrix for Members of Law Enforcement.*
*We fully realize that we are giant pussies who are basically blogging about something instead of standing up for ourselves. This is one in a many long line of that. Are you honestly surprised? Anyway on with the list...
Auxiliary Police Coming in at number one are the saddest cops of all. The Auxiliary Police. These guys are rarely assholes. In fact in most cases they're very nice are just glad to have someone to talk to as they get stuck sitting somewhere for hours on end. These sad sacks get stuck directing traffic, patting down concert goers' and sitting at the all night counter a Dennys to make sure the teens don't get out of hand at 3 am. They even sometimes seat people if the hostess is busy. No lie, we've seen it. Someone tell us if we should have tipped him.
Transit Police We've never been exactly sure what these guys do as we've never had to deal with them before. We're assuming they aren't huge assholes as they are probably not exceptionally busy most of the time. We're guessing that if you rob, rape, or murder someone at a bus stop, train station, or subway platform this is who you call. "Hey you, with the counterfeit bus transfer! FREZE!!"
County Sheriff in Municipalities In some big cities with large police departments the sheriff's office is typically delegated the task of transporting prisoners to and from court, prison, and elsewhere. For that reason these "Glorified Bailiffs" are usually pretty nice folks. Once in a while on TV you'll see a courtroom outburst where some of these rotund Teddy Bears with guns have to restrain someone. It's usually the only time these guys have to be assholes. To their defense if you had to put down your coffee and paper to wrestle some irate drug dealer you'd probably be an asshole about it too.
Posts: 1265 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:20:58 AM
I'm not bright, duh, anyways in the course of 1 year i dated a cop's (cop in the city i lived in) not quite ex-wife (going throgh divorce but still married), next chick i was fucking was a cop's ex-fiance (again cop in the city i lived in), then dated a chick that later told me she was also dating a state trooper! She was all "I really like both of you do you mind if we keep seeing [read to mean "fucking"] eachother?" She told me this at a wedding, she was my date, I gave her money for a taxi and told her to have a good night.
NONE OF THIS IS FABRICATED IN ANY MANNER. Cops in my hometown should have a pic of me on the wall, cause they know i'll fuck there
Posts: 1166 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:21:42 AM
What a cock sucker. I love how he tried to pull the "I'm a good guy but was reacting to your attitude" thing once he realized he could be screwed since the kid had a camera.
Transit Police Caption: "You want to take a ride downtown asshole, get your feet off the seat"
Aux Police Caption: White Guy: "Ok I think I got it, ss this how I do the west side sign?" Black Thinking (Maaaaaan how the fuck I get stuck with this crazy cracka)
Posts: 831 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Washington, DC
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:30:42 AM
Dealing with DC's finest is like being Heston in Planet of the Apes.
I got pulled over last year ‘cause someone had stolen the registration stickers off my plates. Despite being able to prove this, Sgt. Darkie felt obligated to take me in. I ended up spending 3 hrs in the clink because their records showed that I had one. The fact that my supposed rap sheet included a mug shot of some spearchucker (plate lip kind) attached to it was lost on "them". Christ.
time not being funny (to me, never them) when I have to deal with cops. My confidence in my ability to get myself out of it later combined with my inability to keep the joke to myself lead to more than a few nights in the can during my youth. During college, I once got a cop so pissed that he took his badge and gun off and set them on the hood of his car, and challenged me to a street fight. Luckily, for me, two other cops ran up and pulled him away.
Posts: 277 Rank: 26 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:46:48 AM
I'm a wanted man in the city of Milwaukee due to 2 or 27 unpaid parking tickets. I would get parking tickets placed on my windshield directly above the pass I purchased ALLOWING me to park on the street.
I actually set my alarm to wake me up at 3:00AM one day so that I could dress all in black and wait for the parking ticket-er to come around the block so that I could pull him out of that stupid fucking glorified golf cart and beat the living shit out of him. Thankfully I thought better of assulting an "officer" before going through with it.
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