Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Hello... I'm here to raise your Insurance
Being males in our early 20's (emotionally speaking) both Rick and I have had our fair share of run-ins with members of law enforcement and in almost every case we were always greeted with a generous amount of attitude and sometimes with just a hint of taser.
It goes without saying that most cops are assholes and, in their defense, they have to be. The hours and pay are usually shit; you have to deal with the absolute dregs of society; plus there's that gay ass uniform complete with matching Ford Taurus. So yeah, we see how you might have a chip on your shoulder "Officer Friendly".
But some officers take it too far. Just ask twenty year old Missouri resident Brett Darrow. Brett had his camera rolling when a St. Louis police officer pulled up behind him in a parking lot last month and proceeded to intimidate him and even threaten him with potentially fabricated charges.
Here is the 13 minute clip via you tube.
Now while Brett might be a little paranoid to have a mouted security camera rolling while he drives we do admire his tenacity albeit momentary in dealing with officer dickbag. Both Rick and I would have opted to just sit there powerless and let the cop yell at us for 10 minutes as we've done 100's of times before. The secret is in being patronizing but not TOO patronizing. You just sit there nodding and repeating "Yes sir", "No sir", and "I wasn't aware my genitals were visible to those High School girls sir." (Impressive Rick)
Still though it's really not fair to say ALL cops are assholes when there are so many different kids of cops and assholes out there. So this week Rick and I thought we'd break it down as best we could as we present the Ultimate 11 Asshole Cops: An Asshole Matrix for Members of Law Enforcement.*
*We fully realize that we are giant pussies who are basically blogging about something instead of standing up for ourselves. This is one in a many long line of that. Are you honestly surprised? Anyway on with the list...
Auxiliary Police Coming in at number one are the saddest cops of all. The Auxiliary Police. These guys are rarely assholes. In fact in most cases they're very nice are just glad to have someone to talk to as they get stuck sitting somewhere for hours on end. These sad sacks get stuck directing traffic, patting down concert goers' and sitting at the all night counter a Dennys to make sure the teens don't get out of hand at 3 am. They even sometimes seat people if the hostess is busy. No lie, we've seen it. Someone tell us if we should have tipped him.
Transit Police We've never been exactly sure what these guys do as we've never had to deal with them before. We're assuming they aren't huge assholes as they are probably not exceptionally busy most of the time. We're guessing that if you rob, rape, or murder someone at a bus stop, train station, or subway platform this is who you call. "Hey you, with the counterfeit bus transfer! FREZE!!"
County Sheriff in Municipalities In some big cities with large police departments the sheriff's office is typically delegated the task of transporting prisoners to and from court, prison, and elsewhere. For that reason these "Glorified Bailiffs" are usually pretty nice folks. Once in a while on TV you'll see a courtroom outburst where some of these rotund Teddy Bears with guns have to restrain someone. It's usually the only time these guys have to be assholes. To their defense if you had to put down your coffee and paper to wrestle some irate drug dealer you'd probably be an asshole about it too.
Posts: 2923 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:59:58 AM
Annabelle is black
This article was fantastic, thank you. its sublime.
I rode through a red light on my bike last week and then I heard a siren and flashing lights. I almost shit myself. I'm so poor right now, a ticket for riding your bike through a red light is almost too embarrassing to pay. Before I even saw hime, I decided to make a joke and said, "sorry officer, but I can't seem to shake this god damn paparizzi". Turns out, I knew him, it was my friend Chris and he was messing with me. But I still think I found a new awesome excuse.
Spartan, I changed our picture bet. Now, you have to stand in front of your local police station holding a package of bacon.
There is hope that the glory days of TPP will return. Only criticism is that MP's should be higher. Being an MP makes a Private act like his a fucking 5 star general.
SS, if I win this week I expect a photoshop of me being surrounded by cocaine, Marisa Miller, and Briana Banks in a tropical setting drinking champagne. If I lose, I guess a photoshop of me with Christine in bed? Your call.
dc, agreed on the glory days comment. But the last sentence on your post #22 is very BigNickesque. There's only one king at that stuff.
"Everybody's very happy, cuz the sun shines all the time! Looks like another perfect day, I love LA!"
Posts: 607 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:12:42 AM
Cops in your high school huh? I don't think I'd last a minute on those mean streets of La Crosse, Wisconson....
DC, what the fuck? I didn't lose a bet. How did I get dragged into this?
Vert, I see your black, male cop and I raise you an OLD, black, male cop. It's like reverse retribution for these guys. I got pulled over by one once for speeding. Fuckin Noug was openly taunting me. I could tell he was waiting for me to slip up so that he could release the rediculous amount of slavery-based hate he has for white people on me.
Posts: 2115 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:14:18 AM
I remember this one time that I punched a bum out front of the Best Buy. That rent-a-cop tried giving me the business, but I told him that I knew a lawyer in Florida. That settled that little issue reallllll quick.
Posts: 448 Rank: 19 Joined:
8/5/2007
Location:
La Crosse, WI
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:17:39 AM
I didn't go to school in the city of La crosse. I went to a town about 5 miles out called Holmen, the Vikings. We were the Hillbillys, the Hicks, the Rednecks. We had more people in shop than in Math classes.
We also had a lot of drug problems, and kids bringing in guns, and Swords. We had to move our D&D off school because of it.
this kid has a number of "angry cop" videos, and this is at least a hobby, if not an obsession for him. Word is that he was sitting in his car at 3:00 a.m. at a Park N' Ride lot just wetting his line...
Not sure how I feel about that, honestly.
This is a great list, and makes me wonder why we are all so apathetic when it comes to the grand urination-fest on our civil liberties that has been occurring over the last several years. Oh well...
Another cop who belongs on here is the Park Police. We have these small-dicked wonders around all the lakes in the Cities here. Holy God, are they pissed about their place in the Great Line of society.
One of my proudest moments was inspired by a meter maid. This prick would camp out downtown and wait for the clock to strike exactly 8:00 a.m., when meters are enforced, so he could write up entire blocks of cars belonging to anyone who was running a moment late, and then go and park and sleep and whack himself or whatever for the rest of the day. Cock-face would write out about 30 tickets while he waited, so he could machine-gun apply them to all the windshields and screw everyone who was just a minute or two late. So one day, after parknig in my ramp at 7:56, I grabbed the roll of quarters I keep in my car for plugging meters and strolled by scrot-boy as he was busy writing everyone up (by now it's 7:58). I dropped a quarter into every meter that had a car parked at it. Asshole actually got out of his car whn he saw what I was doing and yelled, "Hey!" "Hey's not here...", I said, without looking back, and just plugged away. Best $10 I ever spent in my life.
I went to high school in germany on us army posts, and as an 18 year old senior you have 18 and 19 year old hs failures "protecting" the community from people like me who drive 24 in a 20.
...of course it probably wouldn't have been so bad if i wasn't fucking the base support battalion's daughter at the time.
Speaking of glory days on here, Jesus if you're out there is there any way you can provide the ten commandments of TPP? We need more guidance, let's face it.
Bearnuts great to have you back, always a fave of mine.
Flew to San Francisco yesterday for business, is it just me or is that city a little gay?
"I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona, from my front porch you can see the sea. I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona, if you'll buy that I'll throw the golden gate in for free."
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
