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Hello... I'm here to raise your Insurance
Being males in our early 20's (emotionally speaking) both Rick and I have had our fair share of run-ins with members of law enforcement and in almost every case we were always greeted with a generous amount of attitude and sometimes with just a hint of taser.
It goes without saying that most cops are assholes and, in their defense, they have to be. The hours and pay are usually shit; you have to deal with the absolute dregs of society; plus there's that gay ass uniform complete with matching Ford Taurus. So yeah, we see how you might have a chip on your shoulder "Officer Friendly".
But some officers take it too far. Just ask twenty year old Missouri resident Brett Darrow. Brett had his camera rolling when a St. Louis police officer pulled up behind him in a parking lot last month and proceeded to intimidate him and even threaten him with potentially fabricated charges.
Here is the 13 minute clip via you tube.
Now while Brett might be a little paranoid to have a mouted security camera rolling while he drives we do admire his tenacity albeit momentary in dealing with officer dickbag. Both Rick and I would have opted to just sit there powerless and let the cop yell at us for 10 minutes as we've done 100's of times before. The secret is in being patronizing but not TOO patronizing. You just sit there nodding and repeating "Yes sir", "No sir", and "I wasn't aware my genitals were visible to those High School girls sir." (Impressive Rick)
Still though it's really not fair to say ALL cops are assholes when there are so many different kids of cops and assholes out there. So this week Rick and I thought we'd break it down as best we could as we present the Ultimate 11 Asshole Cops: An Asshole Matrix for Members of Law Enforcement.*
*We fully realize that we are giant pussies who are basically blogging about something instead of standing up for ourselves. This is one in a many long line of that. Are you honestly surprised? Anyway on with the list...
Auxiliary Police Coming in at number one are the saddest cops of all. The Auxiliary Police. These guys are rarely assholes. In fact in most cases they're very nice are just glad to have someone to talk to as they get stuck sitting somewhere for hours on end. These sad sacks get stuck directing traffic, patting down concert goers' and sitting at the all night counter a Dennys to make sure the teens don't get out of hand at 3 am. They even sometimes seat people if the hostess is busy. No lie, we've seen it. Someone tell us if we should have tipped him.
Transit Police We've never been exactly sure what these guys do as we've never had to deal with them before. We're assuming they aren't huge assholes as they are probably not exceptionally busy most of the time. We're guessing that if you rob, rape, or murder someone at a bus stop, train station, or subway platform this is who you call. "Hey you, with the counterfeit bus transfer! FREZE!!"
County Sheriff in Municipalities In some big cities with large police departments the sheriff's office is typically delegated the task of transporting prisoners to and from court, prison, and elsewhere. For that reason these "Glorified Bailiffs" are usually pretty nice folks. Once in a while on TV you'll see a courtroom outburst where some of these rotund Teddy Bears with guns have to restrain someone. It's usually the only time these guys have to be assholes. To their defense if you had to put down your coffee and paper to wrestle some irate drug dealer you'd probably be an asshole about it too.
Posts: 51 Rank: 38 Joined:
6/8/2007
Location:
Heaven, AK
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:41:01 AM
The The Phat Phree Eleven Commandments (because ten is for pussies).
1) Thou shalt not talk about rankings or points 2) Thou shalt have something funny to say, or say nothing at all (T-Bone, I'm looking at you) 3) Christine's breasts must be mentioned at least once a day 4) The only deity worthy of worship other than I is the Righteous Arrogant Bastahhd. 5) Racism and Politics are fine to discuss, but not Kurt Cobain. He's off limits. 6) Thou shalt not listen to The Dave Matthews Band. 7) Thou shalt have one and ONLY one account*. 8) All newbies must endure "The Pounding" 9) No thread can have more than ten posts regarding the same topic. 10) All female members must only post about 1) sex 2) masturbation 3) food. (Well done, Christine) 11) I hate the Yankees.
1. Chief Wiggum 2. Sam Spade when played by Bogart 3. Dirty Harry 4. Barney Fife 5. Magnum PI 6. Nolte in 48 Hours 7. Serpico 8. Frank Drebin 9. Dave Speed from Super Fuzz 10. Tim Robbins in Short Cuts
"Whiskey river take my mind! Don't let her memory talk to me! Whiskey river don't run dry! You're all I've got to take care of me!"
Posts: 2115 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/13/2007 12:01:44 PM
I just watched Jesus' points go up, and then down one point. I know I am breaking my own...errr...Jesus' commandment, but who the fuck is such a monumental douchebag that you feel the need to shit on Jesus? Go get a blowjob, you sinner.
In other news, I had a dream about Christine last night. Unfortunately, it was not sexual. She was wearing a yellow apron and making me home-made corn dogs that tasted like honey. It was magical.
Posts: 115 Rank: 2140 Joined:
7/23/2007
Location:
Albany, NY
Posted: 9/13/2007 12:04:44 PM
after that last iDate article, and not the other way around. iDate is usually awesome...that fantasy football queen sucked the skin off a 5 year old's flacid, nervous cock.
I have never experienced anyone worse than an upstate New York state trooper. They patrol an interstate 230 miles away from NYC and act like they deal with the same type of shit as NYPD. And that picture with the hat tilted to the front--spot on.
I would just like to thank you for finally answering my prayers and allowing Led Zeppelin to reunite, even if this is coming approximately 10 years after my original request and you skipped on the "in my back-yard" and "please resurrect John Bonham" details.
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