The Phat Phree is a proud member of the Crave Online advertising network
Every other Thursday, Charlie DeMarco looks at another asshole who desperately deserves a life-changing physical assault.

by: CHARLIE DEMARCO
View Profile | View Articles By This Writer | Contact This Writer
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Homepage

'Anybody seen A.C.?'
Who else could it be...

OJ Simpson
Fuckin' OJ... If you somehow manage to get acquitted of double-murder despite the fact that everyone on earth knows you did it, wouldn't you keep your nose clean? Wouldn't you make absolutely certain that no judge ever gets the chance to exact revenge for the single most publicized miscarriage of justice in American history? Of course you would.

But not O.J. Simpson. He sets up his own personal sting operation aimed at a guy who had stolen some of his memorabilia. Among it, priceless items like a photo of O.J. and J. Edgar Hoover (?!). His plan was to organize a meeting with the thieves in a Las Vegas hotel, and upon seeing his stolen property to take it back, by force if necessary.

His brilliant sting didn't exactly go as planned:



First of all, O.J. has been watching too many gangster movies. Motherfucker! You think you can steal my shit, and sell it?!" Do you realize O.J. is 60-years-old? He sounds like some idiot thug teenager.

Secondly, he is brandishing a firearm while doing all of this! Now, I'm not a lawyer, but if I were, one of the first things I would tell all of my clients is to never break into a Las Vegas hotel room with a gun. As surprising as it may sound, armed robbery in a casino is not looked upon kindly by the authorities in Clark County.

Earlier this week, Nevada District Attorney charged Simpson, with multiple felonies, including criminal conspiracy, kidnapping, assault, robbery, and using a deadly weapon. He faces up to 60 years in prison.

What robs in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Of course Court TV jumped on the story. The chance to spend months, maybe years, rehashing the grizzly murders that launched their network made dicks hard in every office at the cable channel. "Entertainment Tonight" sent a familiar, if unpleasant face to cover the story: former prosecutor Marsha Clark. It's like 1989 all over again. Paula Abdul is probably preparing a comeback.

Watching these sharks circle for the chance to dig up Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman and fuck their corpses for profit is despicable, but if O.J. ends up spending the rest of his life in prison, it'll be worth it.



Donovan McNabb
Earlier this week in an interview with HBO's James Brown, struggling Philly QB, Donovan McNabb, said that black quarterbacks face more pressure and more criticism than white quarterbacks. Whether this is true or not is debatable. What is obvious is that Donovan McNabb should keep his mouth shut about it.

Philly fans boo everyone, but I don't remember the crowd cheering when he was injured last year. I do remember that happening to two white quarterbacks: Chad Pennington two weeks ago and to Tim Couch a few years ago. The race card just doesn't hold up. Certainly there is a history of prejudice at the QB position, but in today's NFL you'd be hard pressed to make that case.

More importantly, McNabb is in no position to make this claim. You make millions of dollars to play a game and to deal with the criticism and pressure of playing QB in the NFL. He's never played in any other city, and any attempt to compare the pressure on one guy vs. another is purely speculation. Even a completely unbiased observer would be hard pressed to make a meaningful comparison of the pressure on two QBs. There are just too many factors, and most would come way before race: the city, team expectations, contract, character, history, age, team's offensive philosophy, ability of surrounding skill players, etc.

To be honest, I like McNabb. He seems like a genuinely good guy who is usually pretty funny in interviews. Being clever was working for him. He should take Tyler Durdan's advice and, "Stick with it then." What he shouldn't do is complain about the criticism he's getting when he 1-6 in his last seven games. Maybe, just maybe, it isn't because he's black.
Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to Del.icio.us Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to digg Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to FURL Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to Fark
Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to Facebook Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to Ma.gnolia Add 'Beatings: O.J. and McNabb' to reddit
Homepage

Username must be between 5-25 characters.

Password must be between 5-20 characters.
NEW TODAY
No data available
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Recently posted pieces from this section

Ultimate 11 Halloween Houses
by Jim Fath

Posted: 10/25/07 Rating: 4.20 Comments: 239

SCG: Bad Bauer Grapples New York
by Napalm Jones

Posted: 10/19/07 Rating: 4.15 Comments: 98

P2BNL: City Ownage
by JDL

Posted: 10/17/07 Rating: 2.72 Comments: 288

Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation:
by Juan Turlington

Posted: 10/15/07 Rating: 3.77 Comments: 384

iHunt: A Cougar Named Sensitive Titties
by Ryan McKee

Posted: 10/10/07 Rating: 2.98 Comments: 56

SCG: Indiana and the Iron Kids
by Napalm Jones

Posted: 10/5/07 Rating: 4.42 Comments: 154

Play (Fall) Ball!
by Matthew L. McCoy

Posted: 10/3/07 Rating: 2.90 Comments: 232

Scott Player is Super Awesome-Looking
by Juan Turlington

Posted: 10/2/07 Rating: 4.05 Comments: 227

Mike iDates a DOND Girl
by Ryan McKee

Posted: 9/26/07 Rating: 3.51 Comments: 157

SCG: Cavemen and Bionic Women
by Napalm Jones

Posted: 9/21/07 Rating: 4.31 Comments: 145

MORE BY THIS WRITER

Ultimate 11 Worst Gift for Kids
by Charlie DeMarco
Posted: 8/2/07 Rating: 3.42 Comments: 9

My Worst Fucking Nightmare
by Charlie DeMarco
Posted: 6/30/06 Rating: 4.03 Comments: 97

Judge Parker: The Tables Turn III
by Charlie DeMarco
Posted: 1/30/07 Rating: 4.47 Comments: 19

ESPN: A Requiem in Five Parts, Ch. 2
by Charlie DeMarco
Posted: 4/19/07 Rating: 4.65 Comments: 80

The 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials
by Charlie DeMarco
Posted: 3/5/07 Rating: 4.38 Comments: 86

SHIRT OF THE MONTH
Shirt of the Month

We Coulda Had Him Tee

"Hey, man, we coulda had him. Hey! We coulda had him, man!"
"I will fire when I'm goddamn good and ready! You got that?!"

Look At My Striped Shirt - The Book
ACTIVE MESSAGE BOARD TOPICS

My Favorite Restaurant by Tom Oatmeal
367 Posts This Week / 367 Total

Ultimate 11 Halloween Houses by Jim Fath
239 Posts This Week / 239 Total

Judge Parker: Sage Advice by Jimmy Colo
5 Posts This Week / 5 Total

Vicious Beating: Nick Cage by Charlie DeMarco
1 Posts This Week / 185 Total

iPickup with Sammy Van Halen by Ryan McKee
1 Posts This Week / 135 Total

COMMENTS  41-50 out of 124 Post Comment Message Board View
Sort Comments:       Filter By Rating: 
< Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...13 Next Page >
vertigo Game () Post #: 41
View Profile Posts: 1318
Rank: 4
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  dallas, TX
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:44:40 PM
Lines you would approach BigNick as french maid with:

"I'd like to knock the dust off of you!"
"Let's freedom kiss."
"You're the hottest transvestite in the room."
"You are hotter than Teri Garr in Young Frankenstein."
"I used to fuck guys like you in prison."-someone better know that movie quote
"You sure are maid to order!"
"Wow, I love short blondes."



Christine 7 crown () Post #: 42
View Profile Posts: 2923
Rank: 1
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:45:20 PM
tampa
BN Is this a gay forum () Post #: 43
View Profile Posts: 1265
Rank: 7
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  TPP Island, NY
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:45:45 PM
YOU FUCKING HOMOS STOP HITTING ON ME! AT LEAST WAIT FOR DLAMP TO CUM TO THE PARTY

i hate you all
7 crown Vert () Post #: 44
View Profile Posts: 115
Rank: 2140
Joined:  7/23/2007
Location:  Albany, NY
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:45:50 PM
I am in love with 'Beer League'. Tremendous quoting, sir.
BN Vert () Post #: 45
View Profile Posts: 1265
Rank: 7
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  TPP Island, NY
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:48:04 PM
I expected it from Spartan, not you.







Disappointed
Arrogant Bastahhd Sorry, I'm a little late on this () Post #: 46
View Profile Posts: 1297
Rank: 13
Joined:  2/22/2007
Location:  miami, FL
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:48:27 PM
to Igick on post 28 and your profile: the most embarrasing part of that picture is your bills seat cushion in the background. What do people in buffalo do on sunday's anyway? there's no way you're all masochistic enough to actually watch.



have you seen buffalo '66?
Spartan Vert () Post #: 47
View Profile Posts: 2115
Rank: 5
Joined:  2/27/2007
Location:  Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:49:36 PM
Roadhouse. Best movie ever.


"Excuse me, but I just could use a good vacuuming."
"Tuck it back a little farther and I'll lick your nipples."
"Okay, so you've made the beds, done the laundry and made dinner? Good. Now toss my salad."
"Fag."
deuce game () Post #: 48
View Profile Posts: 1069
Rank: 12
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  two up two down, VA
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:51:49 PM
"could you put something in my drink?"

"so, what are you hiding under that apron?"

"wanna go for a ride on your crotch rocket?"
Arrogant Bastahhd Igick () Post #: 49
View Profile Posts: 1297
Rank: 13
Joined:  2/22/2007
Location:  miami, FL
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:53:18 PM
was this picture taken before or after you tucked it, looked in the mirror, and said "I'd fuck me".


It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose


hmm buffalo... lot of coincidences here.
BN Ignant Bastahhd () Post #: 50
View Profile Posts: 1265
Rank: 7
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  TPP Island, NY
Posted: 9/20/2007 2:53:26 PM
Nope never seen it...
< Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...13 Next Page >
Homepage
POST COMMENT Instructions Posting Guidlines

You must be logged in to post comments.
Username must be between 5-25 characters.

Password must be between 5-20 characters.
Homepage

Visit these friends of
The Phamily for more laughs...

Oscar Shitley’s

Modest Proposal

The Phat Phree on MySpace

Gorilla Mask

Tucker Max

Maddox

College Humor

Fark

Crave Online

Modern Drunkard

WWTDD?

Phamily Business Sites: The Phat Phree | Oscar Shitley's | Look At My Striped Shirt | Phamily Business Entertainment
Wanna Get Involved? Advertise With Us Found a Bug? Contact Us SwearTracker 3000
Become a Member
Apply to be a Writer
Link to Us
The Phat Phree is a proud member of the Crave Online Advertising network.
For information, click here.
Report a Bug
Report Copyright Violation
Contact the Editoral Staff
Contact Phamily Business
The Phat Phree is now proudly serving 500 instances of the term: Slut.