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High-Def Disaster
They told me it was a good idea. They told me in high-def the porn would be so crystal clear it would be like Jenna Haze herself was being gaped on the floor right in front of me. They told me I would make millions.
What a steaming pool of runny ass juice.
Within the first minute after I got a look at the first scene I knew the $500,000 I'd spent to bankroll the Krystal Klear operation was all but gone. She was a pretty girl, certainly jerk-worthy, but where this particular disillusioned late teen once looked like a juicy young princess, suddenly every imperfection on her little body became painfully obvious.
Fuck, you could see the tiny white particles suspended in the yellowish goop of a coke booger when she looked up at the camera.
The zits on her ass, which we've all gotten used to on women over time, suddenly appeared so clear that you could tell how old they were, and see which ones might burst under the friction of multiple thrusting cocks.
It's a terrible turn of events. I am now officially flat broke, in an industry where even the dumbest, fattest sacks of shit seem to make millions on the backs of grainy hand-held cameras and pudgy post-teens.
The way Herschel should be seen
But I suppose I have no one to blame but myself, really. After all, there's nothing quite like those multi-angle DVDs which give the front and rear shots at the same time, the latter of which exposes multiple dingleberries dangling from Herschel Savage's ass hair.
It's an image that's permanently engrained in my brain, making it hard for me to comprehend how I couldn't see this disaster coming.
What a moron I am. Like, sure, the sports nuts of the world gobble up high-def programming like so many plates of chicken wings, but apparently beer-guzzling frat boys with flat screens in their house dens don't like the look of sweat glistening in the stubble-filled armpits of the spuzz-glazed amateurs they circle-jerk to nightly.
Which brings me to perhaps the greatest of all high-def porn pitfalls -the semen resolution. Perhaps I could have and should have predicted a lot of the above issues, but there was no way I could have seen coming what I saw when Peter North produced one of his patented bukake blasts.
They say that a high-protein diet is essential to maximizing the size of one's cum shots, and as it happened the individual proteins that made the man and his nine-inch member such heroes were almost individually visible on my 42-inch Sony Bravia.
Frat rooms sit empty
It was as if, suddenly, I came to know exactly what those rappers mean when they say they make girls "swallow my babies."
And now it's over.
Hi-def porn, Blu-Ray porn, they're all out the window, because they overlook one essential truth: people watch porn to escape the pungent realities of their typically-disappointing sex lives. The last thing they want to see with their dick in hand is moisture bubbles building up and popping on a shit-smeared condom.
Posts: 1517 Rank: 5 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 10/8/2007 5:57:31 PM
Kamikaze mission. Hopefully I'd take out a few deserviung fuckers and then they'd give my wife an american flag.
Alma Mater: University of California at Berkeley As you may have guessed I didn't do a lot of studying and I'm not pruoud of it. I graduated in May 2003 and declared my major only three months prior to that and finished with a 2.55 GPA. There are a lot of hippies as you may have heard, but I was in teh Greek system, so we mocked form afar. The Greeks only make up 5% of the student body and the school does it's best to shit on them as much as possible. There ae some hotties, but they're few and far between. I drank past the point of social acceptability and tried whatever anyone would sell me. I was a member of two drinking clubs (aside from my fraternity) and went to jail three times. But, nothing beats big conference football and basketball. All in all a decent time. Just had to get creative.
Any chance that i'll run into you today around the Philadelphia downtown Marriott? I plan on being dunk in that general area by about 10:30...
Also, i was entertained by this article...mostly because as an unfortunate spectator of a donkey show in my life, I know that watching any sort of porn live is just awful (unless you're in the action i suppose); so hidef porn is just about the worst idea since the MMF threeway.
you get when you google this girl's name is him. that's fucked up. click on the ommited link... it's all his TPP profile. 2 pages of that.
Can you imagine the creepy, bugs under your skin kind of feeling of googling your name and having this come up...
"the Phat Phree ~ Target.Observe.RidiculeSpartan, Her name is Alice Frassais, and I love her. ( ), Post #: 209. View Profile Posts: 1757 Rank: 8 Joined: 2/27/2007 Location: Ventura, CA ... www.thephatphree.com/messageboardthread.asp?ChannelID=1&SectionID=2&TopicID=3994&Curpage=9 - 83k - Cached - Similar pages "
Hysterical. I don't want to deflate but how many are going to google "BearNuts" or "Toque Bongrip". You're probably safe.
Bear, watching a MMF 3some at least a chick is suffering usually-always hot-and it isn't near as bad as watching virtually any porn from the 70's 80's or early 90's. That shit will make the blood run north faster than DeMarco Murray on a pitchout to the left side.
Yes, I have been to Dallas...I was basically raised there, actually (Denton). And yes, the women and "nightlife" are on a different level, but don't knock the talent in College Station 'til you've tried it...I'm a sucker for pretty Texas brunettes, and there are plenty of them here. I'm planning on moving back up to Dallas hopefully within a year, though.
Every woman i've seen in this town smokes. and while I don't know if it's city wide, i'm incredibly short sighted and a bastard: therefore i choose to believe that all women in Philadelphia smoke . They're also some of the most desperate females i've seen in the country. example from last night:
random drunk girl at bar: hey, you look like a nice guy, we should hang out. me: see, that's why first impressions are usually wrong. I'm a horrible person. girl: what? no. you're cute...you should come watch a movie with me at my place. me: uhhh, probably not. girl: why? I'm clean! Me: uh huh. anyone who says they're clean probably has virtually every std known to Ben Franklin. girl: huh me: look, let's make this easy: I could come watch a movie with you tonight; i could fuck you tonight; but to be honest, i wouldn't enjoy it because i'd have to use that guy's dick (pointing to random homeless guy trying to scam drink from bartender). girl: asshole! me: i told you.
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