Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Better than a Roth IRA
Hey, Boxcar Willy! Why don't you stop licking the rim of that garbage can and come over here for a minute? Being homeless doesn't have to be horrible. Sure, you don't have any foldable money and the elderly take up all of the good cots at the shelter, but think of the positives. There are Regular Joes that would kill to be in your shoes (pardon the pun), so take advantage of it!
YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND DOESN'T BITCH AT YOU. The upside to the fact that other homeless people and rape victims are the only females that you will ever have sex with means that you'll never have the displeasure of a significant other that hates your fucking guts. It's not like you're going to charm the pants off of some broad by screaming at her as she exits the grocery store and take her back to your freeway underpass for a romantic meal, so you have no worries about that imaginary woman ever wanting to move in with you. The underpass isn't "yours," per say, despite how many times you've pissed on it, so she can't really move in, exactly. Catch my drift?
Being a Confirmed Bachelor doesn't have the same meaning that it used to. Sure, you might have felt like a huge fag that one morning when you woke up in the Castro District covered in man-sweat, but being a "CB" in your case just means that no normal women will touch you with a 10-foot fucking pole--no, not even the ugly, drunk, blind ones. So embrace that loneliness and refuse to use a napkin while eating in the alley. Masturbate wherever you damned well please! And it doesn't matter if your socks match, because they're so filthy that you can't even distinguish the colors anyway. Stand alone, Hobo. And stand tall"
GAS PRICES AND THE STOCK MARKET HAVE NO EFFECT ON YOU. You've no doubt heard the phrase, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems." This means you! You may have, at some point between bouts of unconsciousness, heard passers-by complaining about the price of oil, their 401(k)'s and student loan debts. This should bring a huge fucking toothless grin to your scabbed, dirty lips. Your shopping cart does not require regular fill-ups and oil changes. Your retirement plan is to jump off of the 5th Street Bridge. You stopped going to school after that nasty incident in the 2nd grade, so drop by County some time and thank your babysitter's husband for having such "busy hands" and smashing your little 7-year-old dreams. You would have made a shitty Astronaut, anyways.
You can imagine how hard it would be to pay for one night in a hotel to get a decent place to sleep and bathe, but try paying for one whole month of that shit in the way of a mortgage! The gas, electricity and water expenses are not inclusive, either. Think of the work that it would entail to come up with the money to purchase a single postage stamp, then multiply that by one hundred and you'd know what else goes into that envelope to the phone company. You don't need it because no one cares enough about you to listen to your ramblings. Can you imagine the 30-second phone call that it would take to explain what you've been up to for the past year?
Still homeless?
Now accepting donations!
Yup.
Still drinking?
Whenever I get the chance.
OK, bye.
Save the money and put it in your Malt Liquor Fund.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WAIT IN LINES. What do the bank, the grocery store and McDonalds all have in common? Yes, they ARE all places that you've been kicked out of and subsequently banned from for life, due to your pesky habit of exposing your scummy genitals, but I'm talking about LINES, here. Lots of places that thrive on the almighty dollar have people lined up right out the door, waiting to hand over their money. Suckers! You have to wait in two lines a year--at the Homeless Buffet Line down at the shelter on Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's it, and neither of those involves you paying for a damned thing! Some people have waited in more lines than that before lunchtime on any given day, so consider your ass LUCKY!
BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT SUCKS. Even if you weren't a registered sex offender, which is clearly not the case here, you'll never have to go through the Hell that is planning a child's birthday party. I'm not a doctor, but I've heard that drinking rubbing alcohol significantly reduces your sperm count, so you're in the clear. And, I hate to seem as though I'm beating a dead horse here, it's not like you need a more aggressive form of birth control than being homeless. Tends to kill the mood a tad...
But that's a GOOD thing! The last thing you'd want is to be responsible for the well-being of another human that loves you. You can't take care of yourself properly, and you'd probably just end up fucking up a child's life worse than your parents did yours. It would be a train wreck, and that would make you the conductor. Add that to the fact that children require food, clean water, shelter and transportation, and you win! So here's a 5-spot--go blow it on something destructive, and don't you go changing on me! You ARE the Biggest Loser...
Posts: 4346 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:15:34 AM
I think she was over the top hysterical. After she did it she stole all his roses!!! I was dying.
My roommate is not a skank. But she did fuck my brother this weekend. I don't know how I feel about this. Since she has a boyfriend and I love my wittle brother. He's my best friend. I just thought he'd have higher standards.
But I fucked her brother so two years ago so.....I guess we're even.
Mr. Hyde, did you give me your number? Was I drunk? Don't answer that.
You remember the sterilization case? Here is the quote, 2008 has got nothing on 1927:
"It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind…Three generations of imbeciles are enough." — Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in Buck v. Bell, 1927
About a month ago, I am outside a bar where a Veteran with a fake leg who leads a pretty well adjusted life is fuming about this beggar on a nearby corner. The vagrant is in a whell chair, and the vet is going on about how he is a phony and this vet does so much work in the community and with charities to help the truly needed and how he tries to be exemplary. I'm listening not all that intently and wondering if the vet has had too many, when a car stops for the beggar in the wheel chair and the passenger is trying to hand out so change. The exchange is difficult as the car window is high off the ground. This guy in the wheel chair simply stands up to accept. The vet about blew a vein in his head - can't make that stuff up.
Posts: 1145 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/28/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:26:47 AM
I love how they used to use words in a more literal way: "degenerate", "idiot", "imbecile". Although "invalid" was harsh, despite changing the emphasis to the first syllable.
I like the homeless. They allow for games that we otherwise couldn't have. I like to get hammered up and create competitions for them. It's amazing what they'll do for freakin 5 spot.
Chrissie - you would be the worst defense attorney ever: The defendant could not possibly have murdered the victim, although he did just beat someone to death yesterday, without much provocation, but still, he's just not a violent guy.
Posts: 1095 Rank: 13 Joined:
8/5/2007
Location:
La Crosse, WI
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:52:16 AM
That Ruling is still being contested. I will submit my reasoning for my actions with this:
"Cybermen were originally a wholly organic species of humanoids originating on Earth's twin planet Mondas that began to implant more and more artificial parts into their bodies. This led to the race becoming coldly logical and calculating, with emotions usually only shown when naked aggression was called for."
I believe I was in the right when she said that I was to "eat her", I had to follow the "persona" of the Cyberman, and do so. They did not have to circle around us and cheer me on. Although it was exciting at first, it really killed the mood when everyone wanted me to "upload" myself into her. Uncalled for!
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
