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Mr. Rainy Face
Excuse me, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, but can I speak with you for a moment? I don’t mean to bother you. It’s just that we have a pretty long bus ride ahead of us, and rather than simply ignoring this very apparent rift between us I think that we should just tackle the problem head-on. So here goes.
Now, because I know for a fact that I have never met you, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that I have never personally wronged you in any way. So I can only suppose that this animosity that you are projecting towards me comes from somewhere else. And after careful consideration, I believe I know what this is all about. Oh heck, I’m just going to say it......
I’m really sorry for the role that I played in slavery.
There, I said it. That feels better. I truly hope that this helps mend things between you and me. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when my ancestors enslaved your ancestors two hundred years ago. I was kind of in a weird place back then and I’ll be the first to say that I was completely out of line.
Totally My Bad
And believe me, if I could go back, I would try a thousand times harder not to let it happen. But as they say, “hindsight is 20-20”, and I can’t undo what I’ve already done. I just hope that this sincere act of contrition eases the tension on this RTA Metro.
I know that things have been pretty awkward for us since the whole slavery thing went down. I’ve received your deserved cold stares when I see you at the convenience store. I’ve been frigidly acknowledged when we pass each other on the street, if I’m acknowledged at all. And I’m 99% sure that this all goes back to the slavery unpleasantness.
I would like to say a few things in my defense, if that’s alright by you. First off, can I just assure you that I myself have never owned slaves? Not even one. I personally find the very concept abhorrent and would never engage in the practice. I also took several diversity classes and a Black History class in college and I make every effort to stay versed on most racial issues. But alas, I can tell by your continued angry stare that these are all moot points. I guess I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it.
Huge Fan of This Guy
Oh hey, can I just mention one more thing? I believe it should be noted that I worked for four years in the food service industry. And in my time as a server and bartender, I like to think that I did my part to make up for my past atrocities. You see, many of my fellow servers got upset when African-American patrons undertipped them considerably. But not me. I consider those lost wages to be my way of contributing towards reparations for my checkered past.
Once again, I can perceive by your unwavering scowl that I am not getting through to you here. Well, that’s fine. I suppose that there are some transgressions that can never be forgiven. But at least I made the effort.
Well, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, this is my stop. I appreciate that you at least heard me out and I for one feel good about our little talk. I think that the healing begins right now. I’ll probably see you tomorrow, unless my Saturn gets out of the shop.
This is funny! All white people tip and All black people don't! Better not let funnyman Steve Harvey, or T.V.'s George Lopez steal this stuff. (Lopez is a master at changing 'black people' to Latino's)
Alex Blagg
Great Article
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Post #: 12
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Posted: 6/3/2005 1:27:16 PM
But I predict we're going to have to shut off the 'comment' feature before all is said and done.
Miss Cleo has spoken.
Charlie
I OWE JUSTIN THE MULE..
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Post #: 13
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Posted: 6/3/2005 1:31:16 PM
The mule is taken care of. I actually owe Justin a mule from a prior, completely unrelated wager. It's a long story that perhaps I will tell you all some time.
Invisble Man
Why???
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Post #: 14
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Posted: 6/3/2005 1:36:53 PM
Why do white people always feel like they need to be liked? If some black dude is glaring at you, glare back. haha
he-ya
no e in sodomy
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Post #: 15
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Posted: 6/3/2005 1:59:45 PM
but there is an O MY!
Rocksoff
Just Awful
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Post #: 16
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Posted: 6/3/2005 2:01:30 PM
"...I see you at the convenient store"
It's convenience store you racist!
he-ya
Nice fix chuck
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Post #: 17
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Posted: 6/3/2005 3:22:16 PM
Very funny!
Jus
Hee Haw
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Post #: 18
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Posted: 6/3/2005 4:06:49 PM
I'm just extremely happy that the mule didn't make to my bachelor party as planned. And speaking of race, were there any black strippers at my bachelor party. No! There was no serious ass shaking of any kind! In fact if I remember correctly, it was a white dude who got the me a lap dance from the stripper whose clit was larger than my penis. I think that deserves another whole forty acres myself. And you can keep the mule. I believe the modern day equivalent would be, say, umnn, a hummer! And yes I did mean a blowjob, not an SUV.
Judd Nelson
The missile miz/rob fan/rob fan wannabe
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Post #: 19
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Posted: 6/3/2005 4:31:29 PM
You suck and your game has grown tiresome. When the comments section dissappears we'll have you to thank.
Lubrock
We should all be color blind
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Post #: 20
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Posted: 6/3/2005 4:42:51 PM
some people say "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green". I say, hold on now... purple or green? You gotta draw the line somewhere. To hell with purple people! Unless they're suffocatin'... then, help 'em!
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