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Mr. Rainy Face
Excuse me, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, but can I speak with you for a moment? I don’t mean to bother you. It’s just that we have a pretty long bus ride ahead of us, and rather than simply ignoring this very apparent rift between us I think that we should just tackle the problem head-on. So here goes.
Now, because I know for a fact that I have never met you, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that I have never personally wronged you in any way. So I can only suppose that this animosity that you are projecting towards me comes from somewhere else. And after careful consideration, I believe I know what this is all about. Oh heck, I’m just going to say it......
I’m really sorry for the role that I played in slavery.
There, I said it. That feels better. I truly hope that this helps mend things between you and me. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when my ancestors enslaved your ancestors two hundred years ago. I was kind of in a weird place back then and I’ll be the first to say that I was completely out of line.
Totally My Bad
And believe me, if I could go back, I would try a thousand times harder not to let it happen. But as they say, “hindsight is 20-20”, and I can’t undo what I’ve already done. I just hope that this sincere act of contrition eases the tension on this RTA Metro.
I know that things have been pretty awkward for us since the whole slavery thing went down. I’ve received your deserved cold stares when I see you at the convenience store. I’ve been frigidly acknowledged when we pass each other on the street, if I’m acknowledged at all. And I’m 99% sure that this all goes back to the slavery unpleasantness.
I would like to say a few things in my defense, if that’s alright by you. First off, can I just assure you that I myself have never owned slaves? Not even one. I personally find the very concept abhorrent and would never engage in the practice. I also took several diversity classes and a Black History class in college and I make every effort to stay versed on most racial issues. But alas, I can tell by your continued angry stare that these are all moot points. I guess I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it.
Huge Fan of This Guy
Oh hey, can I just mention one more thing? I believe it should be noted that I worked for four years in the food service industry. And in my time as a server and bartender, I like to think that I did my part to make up for my past atrocities. You see, many of my fellow servers got upset when African-American patrons undertipped them considerably. But not me. I consider those lost wages to be my way of contributing towards reparations for my checkered past.
Once again, I can perceive by your unwavering scowl that I am not getting through to you here. Well, that’s fine. I suppose that there are some transgressions that can never be forgiven. But at least I made the effort.
Well, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, this is my stop. I appreciate that you at least heard me out and I for one feel good about our little talk. I think that the healing begins right now. I’ll probably see you tomorrow, unless my Saturn gets out of the shop.
I hate myself too!!! Mike, don't apologize to them!!! I love CRANK!!! WHITE POWDER!!!!
Dave
I think the real problem is
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Post #: 22
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Posted: 6/6/2005 11:32:14 AM
the fact that yuppy white kids are a bunch of pansy asses these days. I like the article thought it was funny, but seriously, older people have a reason to be racist's, mainly because they lived through those times. Younger kids who are racist and pussies are just flat out bad. Stop being a racist and grow a sack. Why not just hang out or make friends with a few black people. You might have more fun instead of being a up tight white boy.
Up-tight
Affirmative Action!
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Post #: 23
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Posted: 6/6/2005 4:11:35 PM
I totally agree with Dave. 100%. Let's all go out and make friends with a black kid!
divorce
its fun when you won huh...
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Post #: 24
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Posted: 6/6/2005 4:12:26 PM
seeing how our enslavement is such comedy. Besides it didnt start or end 200 years ago. It started in the mid-1500s and ended in 1865 - and post-slavery was hell too! The right to vote just 40 years ago, a half ass affirmative action that benefited white women at least as much as black people in terms of getting a chance for mainstream economic participation, and all if forgotten right?!
But your joke is also baseless - most black youth never think about their history anway. If they're grillin white guys its not from an appreciation of black history in the US, its most likely they have been catching hell in their own lives TODAY and see it as systematic and deliberate. This may translate into whitemen generally since they can see who shapes policy, and it not us.
Question;
is all history irrelevant or only Black people's?
if we had absolutely dominated EVERY sphere of your lives for 100s of years, then after a couple generations of "freedom" we laughed at your pain, would the crime be over in your mind?
In other words, the fact that you missed that era by time of birth is circumstantial, it doesn't mean you're morally superior to those that were there and participating in it.
Sam
I think I get it...
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Post #: 25
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Posted: 6/6/2005 4:28:39 PM
So what you're saying "divorce" is that the earth is round? Whoah! You just blew my fucking mind!
Charlie
Incredibly...
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Post #: 26
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Posted: 6/6/2005 4:38:12 PM
Many of the commenters have missed the point. Of course this is an ignorant and silly take on racial tension... That is why we are making fun of it. In case you missed the joke on some earlier articles... Mike is not going to buy a boat, nor does he want you to buy something at his garage sale.
Come on folks...
jackson
undertipping
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Post #: 27
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Posted: 6/7/2005 5:18:11 PM
blacks folks do significantly undertip. this is no lie. i say this without passion or prejudice. if you don't believe me, ask your local server.
Katelyn
Don't worry Mike...
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Post #: 28
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Posted: 6/8/2005 11:38:51 AM
I still love you! You may possibly be the funniest man alive.
kyle
I'm sorry too
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Post #: 29
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Posted: 6/8/2005 1:50:19 PM
This is article is definately funny as hell. I feel bad for those who get offended by this type of shit...keep em comin man..My unhip tight white ass loves it.
Topher
Whoa, Calm yourselves
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Post #: 30
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Posted: 6/8/2005 2:09:34 PM
Keep it in your pants there divorce. Wow, who woulda thought that people coming to read articles on fake news and make-believe stories would flip out and pull out the history books. You wanna take off the gloves? I'm 100% irish, oh, did we forget that MOST people not just African-Americans are/were screwed by your average "white guy" in washington? Hmm, Jewish folk, Irish folk, Mexican folk, anyone who living during the Crusades, just to name a few...Slavery sucked, blame the south, crazy hick bastards. Ending racism and bigotry has to come from both sides, not one apologizing, while the other hates for political or past reasons, in which, I hate those white folks also. PS: Everyone's history is important, but if you can't laugh at the past, then you'll never enjoy the future.
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