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I'M SORRY ABOUT SLAVERY

by: MIKE POLK

Mr. Rainy Face
Excuse me, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, but can I speak with you for a moment? I don’t mean to bother you. It’s just that we have a pretty long bus ride ahead of us, and rather than simply ignoring this very apparent rift between us I think that we should just tackle the problem head-on. So here goes.

Now, because I know for a fact that I have never met you, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that I have never personally wronged you in any way. So I can only suppose that this animosity that you are projecting towards me comes from somewhere else. And after careful consideration, I believe I know what this is all about. Oh heck, I’m just going to say it......

I’m really sorry for the role that I played in slavery.

There, I said it. That feels better. I truly hope that this helps mend things between you and me. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when my ancestors enslaved your ancestors two hundred years ago. I was kind of in a weird place back then and I’ll be the first to say that I was completely out of line.

Totally My Bad
And believe me, if I could go back, I would try a thousand times harder not to let it happen. But as they say, “hindsight is 20-20”, and I can’t undo what I’ve already done. I just hope that this sincere act of contrition eases the tension on this RTA Metro.

I know that things have been pretty awkward for us since the whole slavery thing went down. I’ve received your deserved cold stares when I see you at the convenience store. I’ve been frigidly acknowledged when we pass each other on the street, if I’m acknowledged at all. And I’m 99% sure that this all goes back to the slavery unpleasantness.

I would like to say a few things in my defense, if that’s alright by you. First off, can I just assure you that I myself have never owned slaves? Not even one. I personally find the very concept abhorrent and would never engage in the practice. I also took several diversity classes and a Black History class in college and I make every effort to stay versed on most racial issues. But alas, I can tell by your continued angry stare that these are all moot points. I guess I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

Huge Fan of
This Guy
Oh hey, can I just mention one more thing? I believe it should be noted that I worked for four years in the food service industry. And in my time as a server and bartender, I like to think that I did my part to make up for my past atrocities. You see, many of my fellow servers got upset when African-American patrons undertipped them considerably. But not me. I consider those lost wages to be my way of contributing towards reparations for my checkered past.

Once again, I can perceive by your unwavering scowl that I am not getting through to you here. Well, that’s fine. I suppose that there are some transgressions that can never be forgiven. But at least I made the effort.

Well, “Black Guy On This Bus Who’s Glaring At Me And Clearly Hates Me”, this is my stop. I appreciate that you at least heard me out and I for one feel good about our little talk. I think that the healing begins right now. I’ll probably see you tomorrow, unless my Saturn gets out of the shop.
From the BEST daily humor magazine on the web:
www.thephatphree.com
Read this article online at: www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=794&SectionID=11