Basketball legend Bill Walton is a man of many faces and many, many comments.
Bill the Lover Love him or hate him, Walton is currently the most entertaining NBA analyst around. As an NBA fan, there is not another announcer that will have you grabbing for the remote to turn up the volume so you can hear what is being said. Walton will leave you scratching your head saying, did he just say that? Sometimes when Bill is at peace with the world and in love with basketball, he drops ridiculous praise on some players who do not deserve it. Here are some examples of Bill the Lover:
"The only man who can stop Cliff Robinson is Cliff Robinson. The man is unstoppable even at 38."
"He's everywhere! Rebounds, assists... Shawn Bradley is looking like Hakeem Olajuwon!"
Danny Ferry is just a tremendous player...
"If Anthony Johnson ever gets a jumper, whos going to stop him?
"Where would the Clippers be without Sean Rooks?"
"Is there a better shot blocker than Vlade Divac?"
Cliff Robinson? Anthony Johnson? Sean Rooks? Are you kidding me? Easy Bill... and yes there are plenty of better shot blockers in the NBA than heater lover Vlade Divac.
Bill the Hater The reason we hate Bill Walton the commentator, is the same reason we love Bill Walton the commentator; he speaks his mind. It can sometimes be difficult to distinguish his insane banter and opinions from his dry, sarcastic wit, but thats why Walton is a winner as an entertainer. He is always overstating things asking rhetorical questions and taking the NBAs new generation of 'me first' players to task. Check out some of these Walton gems about Rasheed Wallace (who he particularly seems to dislike because he disgraced Bills beloved Trailblazers) from Bill the Hater:
Rasheed Wallace is putting his fingers over his lips to silence the crowd like he actually brought his game tonight to tell them to be quiet!"
"Before Rasheed Wallace becomes a star in the NBA, he is going to have to grow up. He seems to think the world is against him. Players like Rasheed Wallace act like its their birthright to be given millions of dollars and treated like kings. Its embarrassing for those of us who have spent their lives in the NBA to see such antagonistic, ungrateful, resentful and obnoxious behavior. This guy has just got to wake up. Most people get it eventually, but Wallace is taking his time about it."
"I think there's a pretty good chance Rasheed Wallace will set the mark for most technicals tonight will they stop the game and present him with the ball?"
What is with the spot of white hair on the back of 'Sheed's head. It's creepy.
Critical Bill Walton is a basketball purist. He does not care for a brand of basketball absent of fundamentals and intelligent play. He is willing to criticize any player when they are not playing basketball the way it was meant to be played. Considering he learned the game from one of the most respected coaches of all time the Wizard of Westwood, John Wooden, Waltons takes are rooted in the deepest of basketball knowledge, but with that 1960s hippy flair that we know and love. Here are some more beauties from Waltons never ending arsenal. These shots are compliments of Critical Bill:
"Eddie Griffin has put up the two worst shots in the history of the Rockets franchise here tonight."
A BEAUTIFUL pass by Tony Parker off the front of the rim.
"Dale Davis, pick one pivot foot........PLEASE!"
"This is a game of skill Shawn Bradley."
"Raef Lafrentz and Shawn Bradley should start considering new careers."
"Lindsay Hunter is making Devean George look like John Stockton."
Eddie Griffin. Shawn Bradley. Raef LaFrentz. Ouch. Walton is not afraid to be critical of the game itself, either. Check out these more general critiques, also from Critical Bill:
"Can someone PLEASE make a shot."
HORRENDOUS defense!"
"That may be the worst pass in the history of western civilization."
"They called that a foul? Thats not a foul. This is the playoffs, Let em play..."
Get a REBOUND...
"What was he thinking? Was he thinking anything at all?
"He was wondering how many steps he could take before they would call traveling."
"What is the NBA record for most turnovers in one trip up the court?"
"What is the NBA record for having shots blocked in the first six minutes of a game?"
Billy Details Sometimes Walton becomes overly critical of some minute part of the game. This quote is offered by Billy Details:
"The art of tossing up the jump ball has really declined. These officials need to spend more time practicing in the off-season."
Bill the 'Blazer.
Has anyone honestly ever cared about the jump ball(s) at a NBA game. Cmon Walt.
Bill the Big Man As a former post player for the UCLA Bruins, Portland Trailblazers, and Boston Celtics, Walton will always have love for the game down on the blocks. Walton also routinely gives props to any big man playing with particular efficiency, effectiveness, or passion. The following praise comes from Bill the Big Man:
" I want to see Ben Wallace come out with war paint on his face."
"Throw it down Mark Madsen Throw it down!"
"Send it back Mehmet Okur Send it back!
"Shaq makes everyone else in the league look like Michel Tafoya."
Throw it down big man!
Michel Tafoya? That's ridiculous!
Billy the Comedian Whether he is being sarcastic or just getting up in someones kitchen, Walton can be hilarious. He could be the white skinned, almost seven foot, red haired Chris Rock! Or not. These takes come from Billy the Comedian:
"Piatkowski is killing Szczerbiak....Oh, what a Scrabble game that would be!"
"Karl Malone has spent more time in a gym, than Corey Magette has been alive."
"The Clippers are shooting a solid 4 for 14 from three point land."
"Chris Childs let the opportunity of having the best job in the world, being Jason Kidds backup, go away because he couldnt get himself away from the buffet table."
"Tractor Traylor is treating this game like a buffet line!"
Sir William of Walton at his comedic best but wait there's more (in regard to this year's Atlanta Hawks team)!
"Atlanta needs all 13 lottery picks."
Ha... and Cavaliers and Lakers fans are upset.
My Dad, Bill Walton Waltons son Luke was a decent college player at the University of Arizona. In the mold of too good to be true, Luke was drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers. Together the Waltons attempted to rule the NBA galaxy as father and son, but Lukes career in the league is getting off to a slow start. Unfortunately for Luke, he doesnt have his dads game, but he does have his health. Now from time to time, Bill is faced with the ugly reality of having to call his sons games. Trying desperately not to sound like a homer, the following is from My Dad, Bill Walton:
John Saunders: What advice would you give to Luke to have a successful NBA career?
Bill Walton: Pass it to Shaq.
Commentating another game:
Commentator: " and heres Luke Walton Bill you know a little something about him"
Bill Walton: "Yes hes a 6'8 small forward from San Diego"
Jesus H. Crist Bill. We all know he's your son. Acknowledge the kid's existence, so he doesn't get a complex.
Bill and Larry In perhaps his greatest commentary ever, Walton was working the 1999 NBA Finals between the New York Knickerbockers and the San Antonio Spurs, when, responding to a Larry Johnson quote that the Knicks had "a lot of rebellious slaves" on their team, he decided to drop this bomb during the game on the power forward
"What a pathetic play from a pathetic human being."
To which Johnson later responded
"This is the same Bill Walton that was at UCLA smoking pot ... and if that's the way Bill feels, that's fine."
Classic Walton. Keep on keepin on Mr. Walton. You have at least two fans. Kevin Garnett and I.
Kevin Garnett on Bill Waltons playing days and broadcasting style: Old Bill was one of the greatest centers ever, but have you seen those wild pictures? He had that frizzy, long, red hair with headbands and stuff. Now look at him, all straight, proper, and clean cut; but I will tell you, Bills commentary can sometimes be as wicked as his outlet passes used to be.
Did I forget any of your favorite Waltonisms post em.
Walton Posted: 5/4/2005by: bryan After Eddie Johnson hit that big shot against the jazz all those years ago bill walton said "They need to run plays for eddie johnson he should get at least twenty shots a game" "What Does That Mean, Bill?" Posted: 5/3/2005by: Jon 1994-95 playoff series between Orlando and (I believe) the Bulls. Bill Walton and Marv Albert are calling the game. Bill said something ridiculous, and after about 5 seconds of silent, dead air, Marv replied:
"What....does that mean, Bill?"
Marv, like the rest of America, was utterly dumb-founded by Waltons statement (which I have since forgotten).
Walton's an idiot. hey dad Posted: 4/30/2005by: Luke walton gay?? Luke: dad i got something to tell u.
Bill: What is it son?
Luke: Im quitting the Nba to play wrestling
Bill: (commenting a Luke Walton wrestling match) OMG my son is on top of him. Fuck him in the ass son...... fuck him in the ass. Vin Posted: 4/29/2005by: Matt "Can somebody please tell Vin Baker that the season started 3 months ago" poop Posted: 4/29/2005by: DC Jesus christ , I've never laughed so hard from reading somthing on the internet. I almost shitted my pants when I read he called LJ a pathitic human being , LMAO Bill Wizzalton 2 Posted: 4/28/2005by: John Bill (following a tough driving basket by John Stockton) John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!
Tom Wow, thats a pretty strong statement. I guess I dont have a good handle on world history.
Bill (chuckling) Well Tom, thats because you didnt go to UCLA.
Bill Wizzalton Posted: 4/28/2005by: John "Rick Adelman, what is your theory on defense?" "Jalen Rose is showing he has the heart of a champion" "Somebody, anybody, please grab a rebound" "The Clippers need to find some offense, the Clippers need to find some defense, otherwise things are going tremendously" Does anyone miss those games Walton used to call with Snapper Jones? Always high comedy. math is hard--let's go shopping! Posted: 4/27/2005by: Flink 4 for 14 from 3-point range isn't actually that bad. %28.5. 5 for 15 is, of course, %33. Here's where it gets tricky: %33 from 3-point range is equivalent to %50 from 2-point range. Back in the day, players tended to be able to shoot %50 from 2. Now nobody can. So a little under %33 from 3 is basically the same as a little under %50 from 2. For a team like the Clips, this isn't terrible.
-F My Favorite Waltonism Posted: 4/27/2005by: Brandonkaz "That is why (fill in the blank) is the best player in the NBA!" Depending on the game it could be Tim Duncan or it could be Paul Pierce. Walton's greatest Posted: 4/27/2005by: John "Anyone who can stop Keith Closs in the low post should be immediately eleted into the Hall of Fame."
"That might have been the worst shot in the history of basketball"
