Ive been an Indians fan ever since I was about seven years old. I went to my first game at the Stadium way back in June of 1982. The Tribe was playing the Red Sox. Yaz hit a home run, Rick Manning got booed, but the Indians won anyway. As you can see, the Tribe and me go way back.
Let me tell you, Mr. Dolan- Ive seen some bad baseball from my favorite team in that time. Many was the cold, dreary night where I sat in obstructed-view seating at Municipal Stadium and watched the likes of Rich Yett, Carmen Castillo and Tony Bernazard perpetrate like they were a major league team. Remember 1985, when the Tribe went 60-102? I was there, watching our horrible team lose to the Royals, yelling at their right fielder Pat Sheridan just like the big kids behind me were doing. Remember 1988, when they did the overhead stadium shots for Major League? I was there, watching us get our asses kicked by Seattle; I think the score was 10-3, but I could be wrong; either way, it was a lot for them to a little for us. Remember 1991, when the Tribe went 57-105? I was there, sitting through an hour-long rain delay just to watch us lose to the Angels. Hell, you know who has the home-run record for games I attended at the Stadium? Alvin Davis- and he didnt even play for the Indians! Im a lifer, man! I mean, Sir!
Did you know I went straight from a chemotherapy session to the last game ever at Municipal Stadium? True story, Mr. Dolan. True fucking story. Talk about livin for the Indians. Im Exhibit A. Well, maybe not A, but Im not Z either, you know what I mean?
This isnt another sob story, Mr. Dolan. Im getting somewhere with this, I promise.
Ive watched, listened to, or followed on ESPN GameCast every single game the Tribe has played this year, and let me tell you something, Mr. Dolan- I love the team youve put on the field. Fucking love em. Three years into a rebuilding plan and here we are, sixteen games over .500 and right in the thick of the Wild Card race. And the way this team plays! Theyve got young talent, and they go balls-out every night, giving it up to win ballgames. Whether its Coco Crisp laying out to steal away would-be doubles in the gap, whether its Pronk Hafner getting 35,000 Red Sux fans to shut the fuck up with one grand-slam swing, whether its Grady Sizemore stealing home, whether its Casey Big-Jawed Stiff Blake getting up off the mat of a lost season and hitting a three-run bomb to tie a game against the Orioles its all good. We could be Pittsburgh or Kansas City or Detroit, in year fifteen of a five-year plan. But were not. Were the Cleveland Fucking Indians, and were right back in the mix, where we belong.
Love the Jake too, Mr. Dolan. And Im not one of those assholes that started going to games in 1995, stopped going in 2001, and have never been heard from since. I went to seven games last season, Mr. Dolan. That aint much, but its my personal record. I watched this young team grow up in 2004. Watched them take their first baby steps toward contention. I got in on the ground floor.
Heres where Im going with this, Mr. Dolan.
Monday night the Tribe responded to a five-run Tiger top of the first with a six-run bottom of the first, on the way to a 10-8 victory that pushed them into a three-way tie for the Wild Card lead with the Yankees and the Angels. The Tribe is fresh off a 5-2 road trip. Theyve won 12 of their last 14 games; 25 of their last 35. Theyre 20-7 in August. Theyre the hottest team in baseball. And there were 17,000 paying customers at the Jake! A pennant contender in Cleveland, a division rival in town, the teams on a roll, the Jake is still a jewel of a park, but still 17,000? Hell, you gave away 5,000 tickets for Mondays game! What are we, a World Football League team or something? Come on!
Matter of fact, the Indians are fourth-to-last in all of baseball in attendance. Were even behind Oakland! And with all due respect to the Athletics, they dont draw flies, and never have. Christ, they couldnt even get a million into the Coliseum for a World Championship team in 1974. But theyre still outdrawing us! Thats just embarrassing.
And you know what? After my seven-game binge in 2004, I havent shown my face at the Jake at all this season. Thats right- here it is, almost September, and I still havent been to my favorite place in all the world yet. Is it because Im down on the Indians? Shit- not hardly. Its just Im broke as a joke. Have been, since right after my last Tribe game of 2004, an 8-2 smackdown of the Twinkies on August 13. And its not my fault Im broke, Mr. Dolan. Seriously. Its the so-called laws fault. That and MADDs. Jesus, one broad has her son killed in a car wreck, and shes got to go royally screw the rest of us. Women, right?
Plus, finding work has been a bitch. My postal facility is closing down. The only job skills I have are typing, answering phones, and making coffee, and who wants a surly thirty-year old guy with a gut if they can hire a chick with skintight clothes and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream to do the same job? I know who Id choose.
Anyway, theres a way we can help each other out, Mr. Dolan, as long as youre giving away free tickets and all. I can help you with your horrible attendance, and you can help me get up to the ballpark and support my favorite team in the manner in which it deserves. My idea is beautiful in its simplicity. All you have to go is put some tickets* in an envelope, and address the envelope thus:
See what I mean? This is kids stuff! Hell, Ill even front for the stamp. And Ill make things even easier for you. Ill tell you exactly which games I want to attend:
Saturday, September 10- versus Minnesota
The free-spending Twinkies come to town for a weekend series. When it comes to the Twins, Im a regular good-luck charm. Im like, 1-0 against them lifetime. Twist a few arms around the ticket office and Ill be 2-0 before you know it. Come on, Mr. Dolan. Lets re-introduce the Twins to the concept of next year, you and I.
Monday, September 13- versus Oakland
I actually have to work Monday nights, but if you can swing some tix for the As, Ill play hooky in a New York second. Its a weeknight, the As are a shitty draw, no matter how good they are its games like these where my help and assistance will really come in handy. When I get some hops and yeast in me, Im a motherfuckin one-man sellout.
Saturday, September 17- versus Kansas City
Dramatic battles between playoff contenders are fine and good, but theres something to be said for going up to the ballpark and getting tanked while your favorite team pummels the worst team in baseball.
Saturday, October 1- versus Chicago
By the time this home date rolls around, the White Sox will have completed their el-foldo. This might be the game that clinches the AL Central for the Tribe. Okay, this is bullshit homer stuff, the White Sux will probably have it salted away by then- but youve got to like my spirit, right? Make it happen, Mr. Dolan!
I'll even cheer for Casey Blake
And while youre making it happen go ahead and make it two tickets for each game, please. One for me and one for my brother. We like to go up to the ballpark and get real loose while we watch the Tribe. The game doesnt start at 7:00 for my bro and me- it starts at Beer OClock, and were both buying! Think of it this way, Mr. Dolan- the money youre losing in free tickets, the brothers Lamovsky will be more than recouping on ballpark suds. See how this works out?
And no drunk driving for me, Mr. Dolan! Ill just say, you think you can throw in some limo service to and from the game, too?
*- Beggars cant be choosers, I know, but if you could make them those $39.00 field boxes about fifteen rows behind the first-base dugout, that would be mighty white of you, sir.
White Out! Posted: 8/31/2005by: Beau Checked the Roster Jesse and Rockies have 22 out of 25 whiteys and I think the A's have only 19. This may be the only thing the Rockies win this year and its expected with the state in which they reside. indianssuck Posted: 8/31/2005by: sharky STEVE? BOOO!! Posted: 8/30/2005by: indianssuck does this faggot ever write about anything other than the indians?? who the fuck cares about them, anyway?
hey phatphree, can i get my own column too, so i can write about the shape of the lint i find in my pocket everyday? it'll be way more exciting than this douchebag, i promise. thanks. BEJ Posted: 8/30/2005by: MEH You're on...I'll try not to spend it all in one place... P-Phunk; where ya at! Posted: 8/30/2005by: Jesse L. Thanks again for the comments, folks.
Yo, P-Phunk- I was going to ask for 3 tix, but I didn't want to get greedy, especially with you being a Yanks fan and all. Thanks for reading, brother, and don't be a stranger in the threads!
And James, thanks for being tolerant of my Cleveland-centricity. I know it can be a little much sometimes. I figure if the Sports Guy can babble about Boston all the time, I can do the same for Cleveland. At the least I try not to be that self-pitying, woe-is-me'ing Cleveland fan- I fucking hate that type. Cheers. Ask for 1 more ticket Posted: 8/30/2005by: P-Phunk and I'll drive you pair of lushes to the game, and I promise to eat more food than I drink. Great Article bro, and the Wahoos would destroy the Yanks in a 5 game set. Good writing Posted: 8/30/2005by: matt Jesse,
Always chalk full of facts and a few choice sentences. Great style. Hope the tickes come through. Maybe that french vanilla assed sec. is licking the envelope now. this cinched it: Posted: 8/30/2005by: giants fan "... its not my fault Im broke, Mr. Dolan. Seriously. Its the so-called laws fault. That and MADDs. Jesus, one broad has her son killed in a car wreck, and shes got to go royally screw the rest of us. Women, right?"
Awesome. Good effort overall, and that passage sealed the deal. the tribe Posted: 8/30/2005by: james I was going to post and say enough with the god damn indians, because really most of your articles cover something to do with them. And then i realized, ive almost semi adopted this team just by listening to you talk about them so much. I know almost as much about the indians as i do about my own team, and im kinda cool with it. So i guess thanks for giving me an insiders look to being a indians fan Twinks Posted: 8/30/2005by: BeJ I've got $2 that says the Twins will finish above the Tribe...
