Posts: 1 Rank: 172
Member Since:
10/24/2005
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 2/13/2007
For most people, college is less about formal education and more about real world lessons gained from suddenly being able to stay out as late as you want, ditch class if you feel like it and drink like a homeless person (both in quantity and product selection). College is where you go to find out who you are, how you fit into this world and, perhaps more importantly, what other types of people are out there beyond the limited pool of people you went to high school with.
Posts: 1069 Rank: 20 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 2/13/2007 8:48:31 AM
the greatest guy in the world + mr. no boundries
a mix of the two mentioned above, he's the guy: 1. who is naked, covered in his own puke & beer, and is fucking a ziploc bag of crisco between your couch cushions when you bring home a date. but, it's "jen's cheerleader friend that transferred from usc" who, he introduced you to, and as he promised - she's hotter than "jen" AND morally loose, yet oh-so-taut. 2. who is hooking up the new surround sound, because he destroyed the last one in a firestorm of urine & roman candles (on a wednesday afternoon). 3. dishwashing abilities: n/a - he is always buying new dishes as the old ones usually end up in the nightly skeet-shooting competition. 4. no SDR thanks to mom & dad (likewise on the rent). however, instead of posting the rent check on the community board, he walks in backwards, and naked with the check sandwiched between his buttcheeks claiming "dude, remember ariel from last night??" 5. brings home free food from work, everybody eats, then he laughs after shoving the last mozzeralla stick in his mouth (complete with marinara) and says, "dudes! that was totally the marinara i got busted for tea-bagging today at work!!!" makes up for it by producing a grocery bag full of scope & bleach.
Awesome, you described me 10 years ago. But you forgot about the 20 oz. bottles of coke laying around filled half way with spit ready to be turned over.
Let me add this one.... How about the terribly obese room mate with aweful BO. This is a 100% honest story. I had a room mate sophmore year that was an easy 4 bills. I came home one day from class went to take my mid morning deuce and found a turd stretching across the back of the toilet. NOT IN THE FUCKING BOWL. Across the back between the seat and the open lid! When I confronted the fat fuck and asked him if he noticed that his ass hole was not over the hole when he shat. He turns and blames (another room mate you forgot) the skinny black bible beater. This dude never left his bed and always had the good book open. Long story short I had to deal with Grimaces turd.
Livability -2 This guy is NOT pulling any wool. he smells like limburger Will drink and eat your shit like no other there isnt a plastic lawn chair left in the house and he deuced on the fucking porcelain.
Posts: 31 Rank: 191 Joined:
12/12/2006
Location:
Dothan, AL
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:42:34 AM
I had a slob/psycho combo. He would let the trash overflow out of the trash can. I left a note on the door of the "trash can closet" because he was always asleep, telling him that there are advantages to just going ahead and putting in a new trash bag. When I got home from work he was gone and there was a note on my bedroom door, well, stuck to the door by a huge fucking kitchen knife that said I was an asshole and that I should watch my back because an "unfortunate accident" might happen to me. Damn I miss college.
Posts: 16 Rank: 280 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
chillicothe, IL
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:41:17 AM
it's not what the slob does to their area so much as it is what they do to yours. if you ever wake up to realize your friend left a half eaten granola bar in your bed, that is stuck to your leg, you'll get what i mean. while nothing is tainted.. that i'm aware of, i've noticed the no boundaries element trying to work it's way out.
oh nice picture of our great leader. he looks like the fucking yahoo games avatars.
Posts: 92 Rank: 3083 Joined:
1/3/2007
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:49:31 AM
My sophomore year, there was a clustermate that used to wander into our room at every random ass hour and just stand there, waiting, and waiting to be acknowledged. Once a glance was put into his general direction he proceeded to be really nice and polite and make a ton of useless banter/small talk. Eventually a Dave got tired of his oddness and told him off, only to be retorted with a "I'm gonna fucking kill you in your sleep" This was a good thing as the Dave went to stay with his girlfriend for a good few weeks. The psycho aspect was then sealed when jackass was standing awkwardly in the back of the room and another roomate, frustrated with homework stated, "ack i'm gonna kill myself!" stranger then proceeded to walk up to said roomate, pull a pocket knife out and say, "hey, if your serious, go right ahead." Needless to say, we locked our doors from then on out.
Also a twist on the Best guy ever was my sports fanatic roomate my freshman year. Ate, Drank, slept, dreamt, fucked, sports. I used to come home from class midday and he'd be watching tennis for christ sake, and Golf sunday mornings to boot. A great guy, but a little short on the social aspects of a roomate. Most general conversations were about how he was going to play in his flag football league that weekend, or how the local teams were doing. Overall living experience though was about a 9.5/10
I had several of these roomates in college and several at one time (lived in a large house). I had the slob, the OCD freak, the introvert, the freak.
I would also like to add a few:
The Pothead (I was one of these)--skips class and sits around all day smoking weed and having NBA Live tournaments, and played entire seasons of Madden with other potheads dividing up the teams and completing the seasons, offseasons included. Pro-always has great weed and new untensils to smoke it, rolls the best honey-blunts ever Cons-doesn't do anything else other than smoke, eat, sleep.
The Hot Slutty Chick (I had one of these)--thought it would be really cool to have a hot girl roommate. Ends up sitting on the couch every day watching soap operas and smoking menthol cigarrettes, never cooks or cleans and actually turns out to be the biggest pig/slob in the bunch. It got so bad, that everyone, females included, would prefer to use the bathroom shared by 4 guys than her private one. Pro--possibility of having hot friends come over Cons--friends all dudes and some ugly girls Pro--thought you might be able to bang her Con--she turned out to be the stankiest whore who banged 3 strange dudes in one night and you wouldn't even want to bang her with one of your worst enemies dicks.
The convo with The Wierdo made me laugh out loud. Twice.
I'll throw out The Gambling Addict. This guy is the rommate version of having bi-polar. When he's going good, things are very good in the house - beer and pizza is plentiful and "on him," and he usually brings a gaggle of women home with him from the bar, since he was buying rounds (and at the college bar that is pretty rare and generally means some action). When things are going bad, though, he is drepressed, angry, might steal your stuff and there's always the possiblity of a fire-bomb getting thrown through the window. He is a rent and sec dep risk, since there will be months that he will be selling blood/'sperm to try to appease "Big Larry" and "Little Phil." Overall, pretty good (if you like sports, because that is what will be on TV 24-7. I'm generously including poker as a "sport" here). The ride is fun, even if it almost always ends badly.
Posts: 58 Rank: 90 Joined:
2/2/2007
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 2/13/2007 11:27:48 AM
Broke-ass loser relative and his gout-ridden fat-assed kid? Not good rommates, except that it's impossible not to feel good about yourself when they're around. Not unlike BikNick, T-Bone, and Those of Whom We Do Not Speak.
Another roommate is rich f'er who is generally all liquored/coked up and who bangs all kind of sweet tail, all the while paying for every GD thing. That's a damn good roommate, isn't it, Christine? Certainly better than when you lived with Don Flamenco, anyway...
Posts: 15 Rank: 129 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
cardona, GA
Posted: 2/13/2007 11:32:05 AM
... but i have one i like to call "the convenience crasher".
this guy doesn't live with me but he's at my house damn near everyday and by 11pm he usually comes up with the lame excuse that he's just gonna crash there till morning cuz he's too tired/trashed/stoned/lazy to get up and drive the 10 minutes to his house.
the pothead i used to live with used to badger all the other roomates about money and claimed he was having panic attacks...
Posts: 26 Rank: 178 Joined:
12/15/2006
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 2/13/2007 11:56:31 AM
There's actually two types of musician. The shitty nuisance musician (as described here) and the half-decent musician. I lived with one of the half-decent ones.
UPSIDE: Gets more ass than a toilet seat, so he tends be pretty easy to deal with. Needs the place as storage for all his gear/music collection so he's motivated on rent.
DOWNSIDE: Brings plenty of chicks around, but they're not interested in your non-guitar playing ass. Also tends to bring other musicians around to 'jam', which would be cool on Saturday afternoon, but not from 10:30 'til one in the morning four nights a week
Posts: 207 Rank: 57 Joined:
1/15/2007
Location:
My mom doesnt live in texas, WA
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:26:54 PM
The "furry" If you know what a furry is, then you know what Im talking about. They like animals. A lot. *wink wink*. Some things you get used to seeing: stuffed animals with holes cut in their asses, "furry" comic books laying about that show foxes and tigers and who knows what else-with raging boners, A mural on the wall that your roomate has been drawing (and will never finish) that features several animals in various...positions... Low security deposit risk, because he rarely moves from the couch. High rent risk, because he spends all his money on get rich quick schemes that never pan out (dude i spent 250 bucks on this cd that will teach me how to flip houses! oh, dude thats a scam. No way dude, its going to be great! yeah thats great hoss, would you mind taking those stuffed animals back into your room?)
The head case This guy appears mostly normal, but you can tell that something is up. You hear from your hall director that he had a massive head trauma when he was younger, and that he "has mostly recovered." In my experience, this guy is usually named barry, terry, or jerry. Some name that sounds like a kids name. Everything goes ok until one morning when you hear a noise and wake up to see *erry in your room naked, scratching his balls and trying to get your tv to work. You ask him what is going on, and he replies in tongues. He is so much in his own world that he probably doesnt even hear you anyway. Then he leaves to go to the bathroom, you think all is well and go back to sleep. But then he comes back and tries to get into your bed. You quickly realize that he thinks its his bed, and is quickly getting angry that you are in it. Needless to say, you will be sleeping in your car for the rest of the semester. This guy is a low rent risk because all of his finances are handled by a university health official. Moderate SDR risk, because eventually he will become trapped in his room and have to break through the door, because he forgot how the door works. Also, he has mad retard strength.
I have experienced both of these firsthand. Ah, college days.
Posts: 1476 Rank: 17 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 2/13/2007 12:36:56 PM
i had a black roommate for about 3 months. it acutally worked out pretty well. when he moved in i was out in the field, so i came back to barracks one day to mind the lock on my secratery had been cut and my stereo was blaring some kind of african tribal music. i think he called it "jay zee". he apologized and bought me a new lock, and i told him that i didn't mind him being a porch monkey. then he told me how much he wanted to fuck my "white bitch" of a sister. we got along great after that. he was actually great because he never got a phone and had to use mine. he would get phone numbers from all these pathetic single mom's out in town, and then when they'd call to talk to him, i'd tell them that he had gotten deployed and eventually the conversation always became "so what are you doing tonight?"
is that his secretary or gofer? Everyone knows the greatest dude in the world isnt black. But the guy in the pic may not be black since he is playing chess. Im so confused. Damn you Hofman, Damn you to hell.
Posts: 139 Rank: 107 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Washington, DC
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:26:44 PM
I had a really cool roommate for two years until he turned into The Head Case. First, the guy was cool: loved video games; spent nights at his girlfriend's (worked out nicely for my hookups) and was generally a cool guy. Then he failed out of school, did a lot of shrooms one night and ended up walking through the middle of downtown buck-naked and shouting to the cops that he was out finding meaning in the stars. That wouldn't be a big deal, but from then on he spouted incomprehensible gibberish in every single conversation.
Actually he was still a pretty cool after that, but he had to go to several mental hospitals and thus dropped out of the roommate category.
and I know I'm not the only poor bastard this has happened to...
the hot female friend roommate that eventually becomes the steady girlfriend. You graduate together and decide to move to the same lame ass town and get jobs and share an apartment to save money. Everything is going well, the sex is plentiful and the rent is cheap. Then she decides its time to upgrade living accommodations. You move to a more expensive apartment or rent house. The sex becomes less plentiful and the nagging bitch side of her immerges.
This goes on for another year with good times and bad. The idea of marriage gets brought up way too much as your and her friends start to get engaged and they always ask "when are you two getting married?" You avoid all discussions of said possible engagement as much as possible.
Now after 1 1/2 to 2 years have passed and most of your stuff is now 1/2 hers and you are in a common law marriage. You finally give in to her incessant begging to get engaged. "I don't understand why you won't just go buy a $4000 ring and ask me? You said you wanted to get married. Don't you love me? Why do you torture me like this? All our friends are getting engaged. ___ and ____ just got engaged and they have only been together 7 months and we have been together 3 years." and so on and so on.
Things start to go back to "normal". The sex picks back up, she is nicer and if she gets pissy just hold up her ring finger and she gets wet as a swamp just looking at that overpriced sparkly loop of castration. Then, about 6 months before the wedding, the sex stops. She claims she wants the wedding night to be "special". She is going bat shit crazy trying to plan and prepare for a 6 hour event. Her father has had to take out a second mortgage on his home to pay for said 6 hours of wedding. He is pissed and reminds anyone who will listen how much fucking money he is spending on this shit. She insists that you are not helping but when you try, she gets mad because your a guy and don't think about little stupid ridiculous asshole details like she and her mother do.
After the wedding things are cool for a while then she begins this wifey shit and wants to upgrade everything. Nothing is good enough. We need new this and new that. "That ____ is ugly and gross and we've had it since we graduated. I'm not happy unless we get ____." And it never stops.
Sorry for this but I had to get it off my chest.
DON'T GET MARRIED. EVER. JUST FUCK AS MANY RANDOM CHICKS AS YOU CAN BEFORE CATCHING A STRANGE STD AND DIEING A HAPPY MAN.
Posts: 5386 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:34:56 PM
The neat freak in college Mr. Sheen, just so you know. I was annoying and while cleaning, I would make annoying sounds like, "awww" and "psssh!". My roommates had to have alittle intervention with me. I would like to add:
Single white female- Its the girl who has not found her personality yet, so she just steals yours. She starts buying the same clothes as you and cds. You may even come home to find her mastubating in your bed.
Big dumb hockey player: Is the guy who pretends he is your older brother. He tries to fight any other guys that come within 10 feet of you. He has never cleaned a dish. He can't do wash or iron. But he pays for everything.
a terrible roommate in the dorms. He was a random selection and we got paired together because the towns we are from were close together i guess. He was a little, red headed, immature, shit for brains. He was as annoying as the day is long and could not make friends of his own. He would tag along with me and my friends whenever we couldn't get rid of him. Everyone hated him. I got pissed drunk one night after he had fucked up my plans on bagging this hot chick so I took a giant piss in his dirty close hamper and closet. He got the point and we haven't spoken since. Life is good.
