Posts: 2 Rank: 236
Member Since:
10/23/2005
Location:
Sandusky, OH
Posted: 10/11/2006
An image of excellence.
To: John Madden CC: Electronic Arts Sports From: Ethan Albright Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07
Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his a...
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"I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth."
greatest. line. ever.
D Nutz
F**k U
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Posted: 10/11/2006 8:51:26 AM
And your wedding dresses dick bag.
rC
NICE
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Posted: 10/11/2006 9:06:22 AM
this was great. i love picturing albright throwing the ball 30 yards past his retarded son in a game of backyard catch. great angle for the madden games.
Tom A
Awesome
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Posted: 10/11/2006 9:56:48 AM
This was very funny. I don't know much of anything about Madden '0(whatever), but there are many great lines in this piece. The pass-coverage ratings for OL's and the playing catch with Junior bits - phenomenal. I also liked the Rod Smart tirade and the "Boom."
Well done, Juan. I don't give a lot of 5's, but this is one.
Sarge
Outstanding
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Posted: 10/11/2006 10:19:28 AM
"If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut." Jabba jokes are a dime a dozen, but that's the first time I've seen the metal bikini-clad white lady mentioned. Bravo!
Civs
Brilliant
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Posted: 10/11/2006 10:42:04 AM
Absolutley brilliant... I think this might be the greatest idea for a piece in the history of TPP... Striped Shirt? Nonsense... this is the alpha, the omega... great job Juan. Great fucking job!
dc
Strong from start to finish
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Posted: 10/11/2006 11:18:50 AM
I now have something to look forward to the next time the Skins are on the tube.
Go, Red Beard!!
th
Wow
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Posted: 10/11/2006 11:33:27 AM
This is seriously one of the most humorous articles I've read on here. I can see Big Red making pube chili, a la Scott Tenorman from South Park.
Eugene
This was hilarious
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Posted: 10/11/2006 12:10:53 PM
Great all around...
The only thing lacking was Madden jokes.
Grade: A
antony
i lay down my hat...
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Posted: 10/11/2006 2:29:59 PM
to the greatest article ever. i had to stop reading and compose myself 5 times before i finished.
Joe Kickass
Oh man
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Posted: 10/11/2006 4:47:07 PM
Fucking awesome. Great idea, and perfectly done. This even tops the He-Man swords one you wrote. 5.
fingerbang
the receiver
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Posted: 10/11/2006 6:22:15 PM
shove a football up my ass and call me shirley, then rate me a 30 for reception skills, i mean poke me and make me dance, please
John
Great
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Posted: 10/11/2006 6:49:47 PM
Not since the "Look At My Striped Shirt!" article have I laughed as hard as I did reading this article. The only low point was when my lesbian five-some porn finished downloading and took up the whole screen. That's how good this one is.
Mike
ba
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Posted: 10/11/2006 9:52:25 PM
I got called on in law school because I started snickering uncontrollably about Ethan Albright jumping a pass route.
garvo
Mr.
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Posted: 10/12/2006 12:10:00 AM
"Here's a guy who seems pissed off at John Madden."
Farvrvreve
Fuckin' Eh
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Posted: 10/12/2006 12:22:26 AM
Now here-Now here's a-Now heres a guy who can write a funny article. That was honestly the funniest article ive read on here in a long damn time. Good fucking work.
Rob enderle
Sir
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Posted: 10/12/2006 12:44:23 AM
The only thing funnier than this article is that some forumsare carrying this without the authors name which is resulting in hilarious debates whether this was or was not really emailed by the NFL player.
Jay
Wow
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Posted: 10/12/2006 1:22:02 AM
I am crying right now. That was hilarious.
Pablo G
man,
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Posted: 10/12/2006 1:29:06 AM
Shut the fuck up, Ethan. I miss half my extra points when playing with the Redskins because of you.
sauce1977
lj_nflfans represent
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Posted: 10/12/2006 3:42:01 AM
Juan Turlington, you are a genius.
funnyperson1
Awesome
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Posted: 10/12/2006 4:42:09 AM
Dude that was freaking hliarious, sad part is that Ethan is damn good at what he does. You don't hear his name called at all, and as a long snapper...that is a very good thing.
scuzzee mie
Gridiron
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Posted: 10/12/2006 5:33:38 AM
I'm English and follow a game you nancy boys call soccer, yet I found this article quite funny.
alex
Fucking
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Posted: 10/12/2006 6:27:31 AM
Awesome, Juan.
Surfbert
fuss
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Posted: 10/12/2006 8:40:12 AM
You Got A Dick, Anthony!
SUL
GREAT!!!
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Posted: 10/12/2006 8:42:26 AM
The part about playing catch with his son and leading him into a fire truck was honestly some of the funniest shit ive heard in a while. Really good shit. A long snapper jumping a pass route....Im still fuckin laughing dude!!!
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