Posts: 558 Rank: 2
Member Since:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 6/21/2007
Aside from seeing all sorts of gruesome injuries, infections and other medical maladies - one of the "perks" of my job is that I get to see the inner workings of the human mind. The crazy as a motherfucker human mind. Dealing with the mentally ill is like a mixed bag filled with airplane sized bottles of booze, candy and pissed off scorpions. Sometimes the insane are funny, will talk gibberish, point to a multiple areas of their body and let the logorrhea nonsense fly, "My biscuit turned to s...
Read Full Story
Sort Comments: Filter By Rating:
Why should I sign up?
Post and rate comments, participate in discussions and enter contests.
Keep a list of your favorite writers and articles.
Earn points you can redeem at Shitley's for shirts, books and more.
Posts: 15 Rank: 134 Joined:
6/11/2007
Location:
Spotsylvania, VA
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:39:38 AM
If I only had a nickel every time someone told me that....
Great article as always Toque.
my mom used o work the night shift in the psych ward of the hospital. She only did it for a summer, but she still got the chance to experience some true crazies. the best one was the man who truly believed he had a Siamese twin. He said they were connected at the side and would even walk as if there was a person connected to him. My mom said it really creeped her the fuck out.
Posts: 1389 Rank: 9 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:43:18 AM
I do not envy you. At all.
This was some funny shit! (See there?...) I only hope it is all true because you simply must write a book. Fuck these articles. Write a book. STAT!!!!!
The last sex laced rant about Rainbow bright and my little pony was nearly excessive, but wrapped up nicely with the shoot being for Papa smurf's collection. That guy is truly depraved.
Posts: 1389 Rank: 9 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:49:32 AM
My mom worked in the office of this compound where retarded people lived. It was like this gated community with people who lived with the 'tards and took care of them. Weird shit. Anyway, there was this one black bitch who wore the THICKEST fucking glasses I have ever seen. Her tongue was so thick and long that she couldn't close her mouth. She would stand by the wall and just scratch her tongue all day. My dad thought it would be funny to introduce me to "April". "April" my dad said "this is my son Joshua" April somehow spoke "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" This freaked me the fuck out. She then proceeded to follow us around the building screeching it over and over until the handlers retrieved her. "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR" "I LIKE YOUR HAIRRRRRRRR"
Posts: 343 Rank: 27 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 6/21/2007 11:04:35 AM
My brother is director of psychiatry in a hospital in PA. He has an out patient that used to be a crack-whore, has ten kids, every STD you can think of, and severe Alzheimer’s. Her daughter brings her in every now and then to check on her medication. The only thing this 85 year old nut can say if: MY PPPPPUSSY HURTS! MY PPPPPUSSY HURTS!
For some reason, that I don't understand, my brother hates her because she makes the rest of the patients go wild.
Posts: 177 Rank: 43 Joined:
4/8/2007
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 6/21/2007 11:18:08 AM
I'm delivering pizzas a few months ago. I pull up to a house across the street from the park I played little league at, got drunk in grammar school at, dry-humped many a daughter at, etc. As I am waiting for the customer to answer the door, I hear my truck door open and shut. I had failed to see Disco Stu. Disco Stu is a homeless man who hangs around said park and who got his nickname because he usually has a pair of bellbottoms on. And so my truck goes bye-bye. The thing is, I wasn't actually worried about Disco Stu "stealing" my car as in keeping it or selling it to a chop shop or something. The guy is usually completely harmless--just drunk and constantly grabbing his crotch (if that's nutty, get me a straightjacket, dammit! *rimshot*). Plus, about five seconds into his driving, I could tell this guy may have never driven a vehicle before. Stop-start, stop-start, stop-start. My truck was jerking around like fish out of water. So I continued to wait for the customer, exchanged food and money, then calmly jogged over to the squad car "patrolling" the park. I say "patrolling" because it may be the most cake job on the CPD--taking underage kids' beer and having sex with your partner, if you're both consenting (seriously, seen it several times at this park). The cops fly over to my fish-truck, Stu jumps out screaming "Ladies and gentlemen, your Indy 500 winner!" gets tackled by the cops, hits his head on the sidewalk getting knocked out cold, and I had to Febreze the shit out of my driver's seat.
Also, "Smiling Mighty Jesus" is my nickname for my weiner.
That's some pretty horrifying shit there, Toque. I've run into an assortment of crazies over the last several years, but my favorite was this hobo in D.C. First of all, he called himself Colonel Wallace Jackson, or something like that. I told him I didn't have any money, but he continued to walk and talk with me. A few of the things I learned from him on our brief sojourn:
- White people and Jewish people collaborated to create tap dancing, which he said was an evil brainwashing tool. To him, Sammy Davis, Jr and Gregory Hines were the worst people to have ever existed. I don't know if he'd ever heard of Savion Glover. I didn't pry.
- There is a secret 51st state that exists 7 miles underground called "Toe Land" where everyone listens to go-go music and spies on China.
- The letters "P", "Q", and "Z" were given to humans by aliens who look like angels....except instead of faces they looked like "bugs".
- For some reason he had a real beef with Gary Shandling. At least that's what I think he was saying. It sounded like "GAR CHANDLIN'" whenever he'd speak. Apparently Gary Shandling pushed his mother down a flight of stairs over something to do with "the wax poles". I'm still fuzzy on that one.
Posts: 23 Rank: 168 Joined:
12/12/2006
Location:
Dothan, AL
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:01:06 PM
My great grandmother, who died last week, went bat shit crazy the last year or so of her life. The funny thing about it was that my grandparents took care of her and didn't want to give her over to a nursing home because they felt bad about the idea. Well, she thought that she was in a nursing home anyways and that my grandparents were employees. She always gave them shit about the food being terrible, and then she would look in the mirror and ask them to take "that lady" (herself) away because she bitched way too much. The last time my brother went to see them she thought that he was the owner of the old folks home. If I ever get to be that old, I hope I'm that crazy.
Posts: 197 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Cherry Hill, NJ
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:32:01 PM
So many to choose from... The first one that pops into my head was this crazy 300 lb woman who came into the ER when I was a med student on OB/GYN with some vaginal discharge. It was one of those infections you could smell across the room, but we had to examine her and get a smear. Of course my resident sends me to do the face to face exam. Not only was she obese, but she hadn't showered in weeks and kept rambling about nonsense. So I get her into the stirrups, put the plastic speculum in, and then she bares down and breaks it. I have never seen someone with so much vaginal strength before or after. So we dig out an old stainless steel speculum. Finally I'm "in" and about to finish the exam without barfing when she looks down at me and say, "Doctor, do you want ot love me?"
Posts: 10 Rank: 161 Joined:
5/30/2007
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:44:30 PM
Had an interesting experience on the subway with a gentleman who called himself "Buffalo Bill". He was a tall skinny (most vagrants are) black man who appeared to be wearing a used trashcan liner for underpants. He smelled pretty bad (again, most of them do) but I couldn't tell if it was the stuff that came on the inside of the trashbag, or if he just shit himself. Then he started screaming, "Ya'll know me?! It's Buffalo Bill! Ya'll know Buffalo Bill!?" Shortly after that, he started crying- he was really upset about something. I didn't want to get too close to him, but I yelled over, "You OK, man?" He replied," No! John Madden!" I asked- "What? John Madden?" He kept crying and screaming, "John Madden hates me! He thinks I'm a pussy!" Just as I tried to console him- "I'm sorry, I'm sure he doesn't think..." Then he starts yelling, "The raiders! They'll fuck with your luggage and burn all your clothes! They're nasty little fuckers!" Then I was relieved to get off at my stop.
After considering this guy's behavior- with the references to Buffalo Bill, John Madden, and the "raiders"- this guy might be one of those former pro athletes turned psycho... sorta like Ray Finkle. That, or he really wanted to be a football player at one time, but couldn't. You know, being crazy and all.
Posts: 197 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Cherry Hill, NJ
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:16:52 PM
I did not bone her. Gardnerala vaginosis is the bug that causes that fishy smell-the most overpowering smell on her, aside from normal bum BO. Next time you are with your wife/girlfriend/stranger at the OB's office try to break one of those plastic speculums. After explaining my story you can tell them you want to understand how strong crazy vagina is.
Posts: 197 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Cherry Hill, NJ
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:19:54 PM
We have a patient at my hospital who frequents the psych area. He doesn't ramble about stupid shit, but he does have the words "PUSSY EATER" tatooed right across his face. I had forgotten about him for a while until I ran into him while getting Mexican food. I am never eating there again.
Posts: 2094 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:23:34 PM
How do you get Gardnerala vaginosis? Is it contagious from bathrooms? How do you get rid of it if you catch it. I am scared to death right now. That story made me sick.
Toque, excellent job. I officially stole "slut fuck". thanks.
Posts: 1389 Rank: 9 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:42:03 PM
Antibiotics such as metronidazole and clindamycin are generally prescribed, as oral (pill) or topical (cream) treatments. When used topically, these medications may cause side effects such as stinging, burning, and irritation. Douching should be avoided.
In May 2007, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved tinidazole (Tindamax®) for the treatment of bacterial vaginosis. This medication, which also can be prescribed to treat trichomoniasis, is administered as once daily for either 5 days or 2 days, depending on the dosage.
Sex partners may require treatment if infection recurs
Posts: 343 Rank: 27 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:56:50 PM
Is one that I encountered in the green line in Boston. This fucker was sitting in a train full of business men with a box of LPs and a tape deck. He would search through the LP's, find one he liked, hit play on the tape deck and pretend to be scratching records in mid air. Like an air guitar, but with DJ-ing. When the song was over, he would look through the LPs again, pick a completely different one, show it to everyone (business men that were not paying attention), and hit play on the tape deck again. THE TAPE WOULD BE THE SAME FUCKING MICHAEL JACKSON SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN! (Billy jean), and he would start scratching invisible records again.
I was laughing my ass off with this guy for the whole train ride. I even considered missing my stop, just so I could watch him some more.
first off, i moved to a new job that only works off of secure networks. apparently tpp isn't "vital to project operations." fuckers.
consequently, i haven't been around for a long time. i'd like to say two things:
1. toque, you make me proud.
2. this spartan kid is just simply terrible. his inane rambling is enough to encourage me not to post. the way i see it is that the less interaction with dumbfucks, the better.
Posts: 197 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Cherry Hill, NJ
Posted: 6/21/2007 2:23:25 PM
Copied right from emedicine (I had to look this up myself-see the pun) since I don't trat this any more.
Risk factors include pregnancy, intrauterine device (IUD) use, and frequent douching. It is associated with sexual activity, and possibly a new sexual partner or multiple sexual partners. Women who have never had sexual intercourse are rarely affected.
You do not get bacterial vaginosis from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools.
My favorite is frequent douching. BY this measure mako should be over-run with Vaginosis
