Posts: 549 Rank: 2
Member Since:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 6/25/2007
Would you trust your soul to him?
I have to get this off my chest. Fuck the Pope. On June 19th, the Vatican issued the 10 Commandments for driving. What the fuck. How did God get these to the Pope? Email, a holy scroll, fax, is Jesus on myspace.com, or did an angel just ask him to jot some of this shit down? "Hey Ratzy, its Gabriel. Put the alter boy down, I got some revelations for you."
This Pope is getting waaaay too big for his hat. First, he gets rid of Limbo and now we have 10 Commandments for driving! Twelve...
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Posts: 453 Rank: 5 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Burbank (for the week), CA
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:39:07 AM
1. 1. What's with the multiple numbers?
2. 2. I'm at Logan airport after a rough weekend being as white as i possibly can in nantucket...anyhow, when i scrolled to the bottom of the article, the mid 20's mother of two who was breast feeding next to me, told me i was being "inappropriate doing those things" while in public. ...it took every ounce of strength to only tell her to fuck off; then ask if that was innappropriate too.
3. 3. Great stuff Toque, this one may have confirmed your direct flight to hell in Economy Plus, but i think it was totally worth it.
Posts: 197 Rank: 14 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Cherry Hill, NJ
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:35:13 AM
1. Do not have to take driving advice from 80 year old nazi 2. Jewish girls give great head/Jewish men are good providers 3. Not as many characters in the bible to memorize 4. We take turns sitting n the committee that runs the world 5. Fancy look for your penis
5 Brattattattattatatattatattas falling down stairs!
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Post #: 4
Posts: 73 Rank: 34 Joined:
10/21/2005
Location:
Tulsa, OK
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:44:33 AM
Good call Toque. Taking driving advice of any kind whether it be divine or not from a Q-tip wearing a fancy napkin on his head is just not smart. But the good thing about this is that now when I drunk drive I can just go to confession the next day and say three hail Marys to get the points taken off my license. Does using the road as a means of communion lower my insurance?
Posts: 342 Rank: 27 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:02:52 AM
("Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events." That's not a fucking commandment it's a goddamn fortune cookie.)
Awesome Job! I am a Jesuit myself, we are famous for pointing out the stupid shit that our own religion (catholic)puts out there. Great job beating my order to the punch.
What is this fuckard trying to say? Do you go to hell for ignoring a stop sign, but to purgatory for a rolling stop? Is littering while you drive a mortal sin?
#9. Does that mean that if you are driving an SUV and you see a semi going towards a corvette, are you supposed to try to ram the semi away from the corvette? ---I don't agree with the fucker in the funny hat, Fuck the rich guy with a mid-life crisis!
This is sweet, TB; although I have to agree with his Royal Hatness on the Sign of the Cross deal. To drive in Italy is to realize one's ever-closeness with Death. They actually put *mirrors* on the corners of turns (apparently so that you get a good look at the unshaven dude using his veggie truck to drive you right over the cliff, into the Tyrrhenian Sea.
Posts: 883 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Buffalo, NY
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:01:56 AM
This guy is on a role. Didn't he recently say that babies that are not baptised go to heaven now? What happens to all of the babies from before that died before being baptised?
Religion is soooo fucking cool. Worship bull shit that can't be proven and call it faith. I have faith that jesus was a fucking dune coon with some followers, big fucking deal.
Oh yeah the driving commandments...I saw a grey headed idoit PUSHING his covette onto the side of the road, i laughed and yelled "53mpg and i'd still kick your ass in a race!" Then another covette driver pulled over and helped this guy push. It's like owning a covette is a cult of it's own.
Posts: 14 Rank: 70 Joined:
3/29/2007
Location:
LA, CA
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:41:09 AM
yet again Toque I am laughing my balls off in my cubicle. As a lapse Catholic, I know you are going to hell, but don't mind spending eternity there as long as you can make me laugh.
Next thing you know asking a gal to put them on the glass and bikini car washes will be sinful requiring us to go to mass 3 times a year christmas, easter, and because of high school's cheerleader car wash last week.
Posts: 134 Rank: 29 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:26:10 PM
Sometimes I feel bad about my 20 minute soliloquy's regarding the asshole who's trying to merge onto the freeway going 40 mph with his blinker on when I can't find the heart or the passion to spend anymore than five minutes on real issues like war, hunger, etc. It's good to see that the church is prone to the same shallowness.
Coming soon to an article close to you...from the people who gave us "The Church Tells You How to Drive" and "Dr. Phil Teaches You How to Lose Weight" comes "Staying Clean" by Keith Richards and "Feminine Hygiene" by Brittney Spears.
Posts: 37 Rank: 41 Joined:
6/8/2007
Location:
Heaven, AK
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:39:36 PM
Q: What do you call My poop? A: Holy Shit.
My dear son, Toque. I want to thank you for your brutal honesty about the "Pope's" new farce. This man does not speak for Me. He is a liar. He is the Black Pope. He is the first of the ten heads of the Beast that shall rise from the seas to devour the seven churches on top of the seven hills which hold the seven lampstands.
These "commandments" were actually a result of a late night of playing Mad Libs betwen the Black Pope, Jerry Lewis and Martin Scorcese and one now empty bottle of Louis XIII.
Peter was the rock that I built my church upon. He was the Rock and My Foundation. But the true Chrurch died with him. Ever since his death, men have vied for the position of Pontif and have fallen short every time.
There is, however, one man on this Earth who speaks My Will. His name is Spartan.
Posts: 1353 Rank: 9 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:57:42 PM
Great fucking jorb on this article. High-Five!!! Get it? I gave you five points and then I ....... nevermind.
So, for the first time, I actually did your assignment. No lies, this is the plain truth.
Once my hangover from Friday night's/Saturday morning's beer pong tourny was gone, my buddy asked me to go to Bombay's to chill and play some pool. Hell yes. I'm gunna do this. So I went to his house to pick him up and I grabbed his old ass Cat in the Hat...hat. You know, those big fucking top hat things that douchebags use to wear at clubs for about 5 minutes in 1993? Anyway, fast forward, it's 11:30, I'm drunk again, I'm wearing the hat the whole time, I've purposely "accidentally" spilled at least 7 other people's drinks by swinging my pool stick around like I was Tom Cruise in The Color of Money. Everytime I spilled them I would say "Another one bites the dust." and then laugh like a retard. After three potential fights, I went to the dance floor, with the hat on, and started to dance like I was at a rave. Fuckers were glaring at me like I was the biggest douche in the world. (I'm sooooo used to it though...hahaha)
My buddy ditched me because he was afraid of getting his ass kicked, so when I got kicked out around 1'ish for spitting on the bar repeatedly, I had to walk home. With the hat on.
