Before anyone gets their rectum puckered, nobody around here hates homosexuals. We love gay people- well not love, but we don't dislike them any more than we dislike everyone else.

Frankly, I don't understand why anyone gives a shit. Nothing interests me less than what it takes for some other dude to ejaculate. Shit, I can hardly muster up enough of a fuck to care what my wife likes in the sack. And we've all been on the internet. There are people who are into far weirder shit than bumping into someone with similar uglies. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with those sick bastards who like to watch Asian women throw up.

Besides, homosexuality is not at all what this list is about. Whether you smoke pole or munch rug, we all know that some things are just plain gay. If there were a better word, we'd use it. We are writers after all.

So if you are going to get offended by us saying that sliding boards are "gay", then you're an asshole. But feel free to click on an ad on your way out, fag.

Oh boy, I'm in trouble now.

But wait, there's more. We decided to do a companion Top 50 List this month. That's right, double the fun. So in addition to the 50 Gayest Things we've got the 50 Things That Make You Most Feel Like a Man. Enjoy.

Expensive Clothes Shirts and Skins Bunk Beds Being Color Blind Disney World Thinking About Surviving a Natural Disaster Drinking Hot Tea Explosions Ironing Carving the Turkey Non-Halogen Lamps Knowing How to Tie More Than Three Knots, But Not Bragging About It Thinking Babies Are Cute Having YOUR Chair Personalized License Plates Knowing the Infield Fly Rule Being a Girl's "Best Guy Friend" Wearing A Hard Hat Minor Chords Taking the Points Discount Cards at the Grocery Store The Smell of a Locker Room White Zinfandel Eating an Entire Pizza Board Game Night Math Without a Calculator Holding Hands Dunking A Basketball Getting Promoted at Work Not Understanding Sports That Are Judged On Style Men's Tennis Punching A Wall Wearing a Scarf Athlete's Foot The Priesthood Calling Your Friend a "Dumb Fuck" as a Term of Endearment Crest Whitestrips Destroying Nature Putting a Box of Baking Soda in the Refrigerator Pullups Attempted Murder Hugging With One Arm Different Shades of White (Eggshell, Ivory, Porcelain) Sticking Out Your Chest in the Mirror When You Get Out of the Shower Birthday Cards, Especially When They're On Time Drinking Bourbon Eye Contact Keeping Emotions Suppressed Using a Lint Roller Low Fives Vacuuming Killing an Animal Spoken Word Poetry Speaking into a Bullhorn or Walkie-Talkie Phone Calls to Catch Up Going To The Barber Shop Men's Pajamas OWNING the Remote Smiling Smelling Your Own Farts Disposable Cameras Spitting Out Blood Lip Balm Watching a Chuck Norris Movie Memories Getting A Blowjob Picture Frames With Words on Them Catching a Foul Ball Without a Glove Europe Building Things Protein Powder Packing No Toiletries Conditioner Sailing the High Seas Stretching Before a Workout Walking It Off Any Bottle of Wine That Costs More Than $10 Going up on the Roof Pet Ferrets Pissing Out a Fire Kayaks Driving Drunk to Work Laying Out Laughing at the WNBA Waving Crashing A Car Safe Sex Hitting ONLY Driver at the Range Fabric Softener Going Bald Potted Plants Jerking Off to a Photo of a Girl You Banged In High School Magicians Controlling Fire Handjobs Jumping Up To Touch an Awning White Jeans Hurting Someone By Accident Loving Your Dad Lifting Something Heavy