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A week or so ago, I actually heard myself say, "Tracy Morgan is hilarious." It was like an out of body experience. If the me from five years ago could hear the me from today, I would kick my own ass. But what can say? Every time I watch "30 Rock" he and Alec Baldwin make me laugh. Maybe it's Tina Fey's writing; maybe I'm just getting old and lame. Probably the latter.
Anyway, it got me thinking about what things I'll never hear anyone say. So here is the list: 50 Things You'll Never Hear.
Oh... I'm really hoping my grandson is gay!
I wish there were more dudes at this party.
Man, magicians get all the pussy!
Please stomp on my testicles with those golf cleets.
Martin Scorsese couldn't direct his way out of a wet paper bag.
So how do I get more cockroaches in my house?
Bad news: your baby has Down's. Good news: he'll have really cute ears.
This printer ink is a bargin!
The only problem with Northern California is that all anyone cares about is sports. Sports, sports, sports.
David Schwimmer is so hot! I just wish he looked more Jewish.
Quite good. In keeping with category 1, category 4, let me offer my own:
"Godfather III was the best." " The kids want more Clammato!" " Christine needs to lighten up on the author." " I wonder what Tom A thniks about this article..."
Posts: 1476 Rank: 17 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:51:42 PM
how about- "I'm sure glad I didn't get AIDS until now. Magic Johnson gives me hope." OR "Damn, that Antony guy never seems unpleasant and just gets along with everybody!"
"This country is long overdue for a white history month." "Andrea Zuckerman was the reason I jerked off to 90210." "I completely understand what Shannon Sharpe just said." "Blow Jobs are so overrated." "For my money, there's no such thing as too much blue collar comedy."
"I'll drive, gas is pretty cheap these days" "I can't wait for Anaconda III to come out this Summer!" "I miss Eugene" "Rex Grossman is one helluva quarterback!" "Britany Spears has the most beautiful crotch."
Posts: 291 Rank: 31 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
, FM
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:19:47 PM
I thought the Duke bit was the winner until I saw the Bill O'Reilly one.
"That Rex Grossman sure has a long and illustrious career ahead of him." "I'm not drinking tonight, I have to drive." "I never get the urge to choke the fuck out of Sarah Jessica Parker." "Man, Stu Scott is hip! Boo-yah!"
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