As any man can tell you, the little guy downstairs has a mind of his own. From the time he gains consciousness, at about 13, he often chooses the most inopportune times to fill out. It often has nothing to do with the situation or company you are in, but rather it seems a random bodily function. The best parallel I can think for a woman who has no idea what I am talking about is how a woman sometimes gets cold regardless of the temperature. No one can explain it, it just happens.

So, without further delay. We proudly present the 50 Worst Times to Get wood:

50.	Getting fitted for a suit
	Not only would it be embarrassing, but you are gonna screw up the fit of your pants.
49.	Hosting game show
48.	During a hernia check Oh Jesus... I'm not sure what kind of hernia this doctor is checking for, but I hope there is fat doobie at the end of one of those clamps... and not that guy's wang.
47.	Watching The Vagina Monologues
	Certainly inappropriate, and given the company you are most certainly in, you might find yourself on the wrong side of lynch mob.
46.	Riding on the back of a friend's motorcycle
45.	Watching porn with a bunch of dudes "just for laughs"
44.	Right after you get into a traffic accident
	Try explaining to the cop that it wasn't your fault with a pop-tent in your pants.
43.	Spoon feeding your grandmother
	My god... Who wrote these? I am going go vomit.
42.	Mile three of the New York Marathon
41.	While holding a baby The look on that baby's face slays me... It's like he's seen an intruder from his past.
40.	Watching your dog poop
	Definitely don't want to be caught with an engorged member under those circumstances.
39.	Getting on a Tokyo subway train
38.	Trapped in an elevator with your boss
	Would be especially bad if your boss is some desperate older fat woman.
37.	Dancing with the Bride
36.	Working as an airport security screener
35.	Performing the Iron Cross
34.	Conducting a boys choir
33.	When you're on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"
	It goes against everything the show is about. It would be chaos!
32.	While you are at a Baptism
31.	Buying Girl Scout cookies
30.	Just before your final summation in a murder trial
	Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, can I have a moment please...
29.	During the last ten minutes of "The Passion of the Christ"
28.	While being rescued on live television
27.	Working as a Mohel
	Especially if you are one of those traditional rabbis who draws the blood using their mouth.
26.	While giving your acceptance speech to the baseball hall of fame