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12/4/2005
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Burbank, U.S.
Posted: 12/14/2005
She got away. That’s the fourth one this week. Well, that about seals it. I am without a doubt the worst rapist in the world.
No, don’t. Don’t try to make me feel better. I’m not fishing for sympathy here. I’m merely stating an obvious fact. I can’t pull off a decent rape to save my life.
Tonight’s failure was a new low, even for a crappy rapist like me. She told me to wait out in the BP minimart while she went into the bathroom and fixed her makeup. She said she wanted to look nice for ...
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just like danny larusso, your the best! around! nothing is ever gonna keep you down!
Alex
Jebus
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Posted: 12/14/2005 12:59:37 AM
Fucking sick, man. Sick and hilarious.
Great effing job.
lsdkthj
rape isn't funny
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Posted: 12/14/2005 4:52:00 AM
and neither was your writing.
Eric
Rape is no laughing matter
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Posted: 12/14/2005 8:26:40 AM
....unless you're raping a clown
doc
interesting question...
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Posted: 12/14/2005 9:32:51 AM
why DO fat girls laugh so loud?
the raping inept are always funny.
always.
NLH
Rape IS funny
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Posted: 12/14/2005 9:33:03 AM
"Rape can be funny. Porky Pig raping Elmer Fud."
-George Carlin
Great article.
JCO
ahhh, not your best work
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 12/14/2005 9:51:09 AM
I don't mind a lilttle rape-related comedy, but this was just decent at best, and overall, not really that funny.
Bob
Bad Taste
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:06:28 AM
a horrible let-down from your previous writings that I found hilarious....this is a touchy subject. Not a laughing matter.
me likes
quit being babies
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:09:31 AM
you are all being ridiculous- If you get off your PC high horses you would all find this pretty damn funny. oh know, he made a joke about rape. If you'll notice, the character didn't even succeed in raping anyone, so quit being such babies.
Hobbes
Bob
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Post #: 10
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:10:33 AM
Sorry about the incidents Inside and the effect it had on your sense of humor.
me likes
oops
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:10:34 AM
I meant oh no, not oh know
ZACH
AS ALWAYS
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:14:34 AM
MIKE POLK CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH EVEN WITH THE TOUCHIEST SUBJECTS...
Max
Nazis, gang bangs, race, rape
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:22:05 AM
... there is no subject that Polk can't handle. Good read.
Anybody read the Palahniuk book Choke? Great consensual rape scene.
kayvon
a/v
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Post #: 14
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:22:22 AM
I think the picture and minivan were essential to the article's humor. The guy reminds me of a grown-up Butters Stotch.
kayvon
choke
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:24:17 AM
I second that. One of the funniest chapters I've ever read.
Christine
. . . . .
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:33:53 AM
I actually was raped three years ago and it was the worst experience of my life. However, I am still laughing at this article. Good Job Mr. Polk.
Atlas
I didn't really like Choke
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Post #: 17
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Posted: 12/14/2005 10:43:17 AM
or this article. Choke kind of bored me and so did this article. I am definitely not taking the PC line, I was about the only person defending the 9/11 fireman piece. I just didnt think this was that funny, personally I think Polk held back because of the subject matter.
And Christine if that is true that really sucks, if someone is impersonating Christine you are a true asshole.
Rinkie
Capital line...
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:03:37 AM
"This is a rape!"
Man, that's good.
D
touchy?
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:05:30 AM
He didn't make fun of a victim.. he's making fun of a loser guy. Very funny stuff. I like, "We actually still e-mail each other. I also told her that I’d help her move next weekend."
Helping people move is funny stuff.
Eugene
I'm a bit conflicted
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Post #: 20
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:25:35 AM
I believe rape is one of the most vile crimes, and I think all rapists should be executed on the spot....However, the article was ingenious. Much funnier than the striped shirt article. The only thing that prevented me from laughing obnoxiously out loud was the subject matter.
Oh and Atlas, not sure if you saw my reply to your little hissie fit yesterday, but none of those posts were mine, and whoever did impersonate me (I always asssume it's Joe Eatass) is a fucking tooljob.
Johnny Lydon
Don't knock it 'til you try it.
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:27:44 AM
The only thing funnier than Mike Polk is prison toilet wine. Damn, i'm cracking a smile just thinking about prison made toilet wine and the power you posess when you have a jug of it.
Brenda Della Casa
It's Official
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:35:54 AM
Mike are one funny bastard, but choo's goin' to hell, I'm afraid :)
matt
Umm. . .
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:37:56 AM
I have to agree here with ol' Euegene. I am also conflicted. I have to gove you credit for daring to write this piece. The saving grace for me is the guy has not raped anyone. I also didn't think Choke was that great. Anyone like Breton Easton Ellis? I know that all he writes about are vapoid LA people, but still he makes you care for these souless bastards.
LoveMike
MIKE IS SO GREAT
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Post #: 24
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:42:22 AM
That he could get away with murder. I love most of his stuff, this one wasnt one of my favorites, but at this point after so many hits, I think he could just submit a picture of himself taking a dump, and everyone would say, wow, this is the funniest thing I have ever seen !!!
Keep up the awesome work.
kayvon
Ellis vs. Palahniuk
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Posted: 12/14/2005 11:59:29 AM
Choke was honestly worth it (what, $6 paperback?) for the "rape" chapter - I genuinely cracked up when he said the safe word at the end (what was it again?). Palahniuk seemed to be going for some very heavy symbolism in the book, which flew over my head, but kind of warranted another read (kind of). I can totally understand the disappointing reviews, but that's what you get with his writing style. Ellis' novels seem more like vast, calculated undertakings whereas Palahniuk's style seems more off-the-cuff and light, making for a breezier read, though sometimes rushed or under-developed. That does little to explain why it took me two days to finish American Psycho while Haunted sits in a half-read pile of dust in my room, though. Probably has something to do with the material striking a chord for me.
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