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Posted: 9/14/2005
Bill Swayze
It’s that time of year again. High School Football is back in full swing. And I like the look of our North Royalton Purple Raiders this year.
We are coming off a deplorable 5-and-5 season and I put the blame squarely on last year’s “Coach”, John Gillen. To this day I have no idea how he even managed to get five wins, what with his head shoved entirely up his ass. Gillen had this ridiculous, “everyone gets to play” strategy that crippled us throughout the season. It’s a nice sentiment and al...
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and the "colts would probably sign him out of pre-school" line (and preceding paragraph) might be the best ever... good job.
Ted
I'm pretty sure...
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Posted: 9/14/2005 8:30:38 AM
That it's North Royalton Bears, but funny nonetheless
BILL VIETS
WAY TO REALISTIC
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Posted: 9/14/2005 8:49:27 AM
HAVING WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN YOUNGSTOWN (AUSTINTOWN FITCH) AND PLAYING FOOTBALL IN THE SVC, THIS ARTICLE WAS AN EXACT DEPICTION OF ALL THE FATHERS THAT LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THEIR SONS EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT, BECAUSE THEY NEVER AMOUNTED TO SHIT AND THAT'S WHY THEY ARE STILL RAISING THEIR FAMILIES IN THAT SORRY ASS TOWN. ANY REAL HUMAN BEING WHO IS STUCK GROWING UP THEIR ENDS AND WANTS TO BECOME SOMETHING MOVES TO COLUMBUS AND RAISES HIS KIDS TO BECOME BUCKEYES. JIM TRESSEL IS STILL A GOD, EVEN THOUGH HE FUCKED UP LAST SATURDAY IN THE TEXAS GAME. GREAT ARTICLE!!
Scott
At Least...
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Posted: 9/14/2005 9:08:47 AM
You didn't have to suffer through "watching" the hapless Valley Forge Patriots and all those sweet Parma Heights dads that spend their time drooling over the cheerleaders whilst discussing where exactly to get their post-game Strohs.
crazy carl
North Royalton High School Football Rules!!
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Posted: 9/14/2005 9:52:45 AM
This article was funny as hell. Good job. Bill Swayze jr....the punter/soccer player. What a bitch. Sorry Mike, but your wife and kids deserve whatever backhands you hand them if North Royalton can't produce this year.
Some random guy
Great Stuff
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Posted: 9/14/2005 10:24:58 AM
Great Article! And as I realize this isn't meant to be all accurate, they are the Bears and I'm pretty sure they are D1.
matt
Awesome!
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Posted: 9/14/2005 11:34:19 AM
Polk, Hysterical. Bill Jr. Lines had me rolling.
Joe Kickass
I wish to Christ he'd knock up my daughter
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Posted: 9/14/2005 12:47:23 PM
Fucking hysterical Polk...awesome work!
MKF
Hey Bill
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Posted: 9/14/2005 1:36:00 PM
What does your comment say about you and your parents?
Funny article, Polk, nice job.
Stu
great stuff
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Posted: 9/14/2005 1:45:16 PM
one of the best articles yet.
Ramos...
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
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Posted: 9/14/2005 3:00:13 PM
Great article. Sounds like Texas high school football parents. I know....... I'm one of em.
ZACHDENIRO
MIKE POLK IS A GENIUS
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Posted: 9/14/2005 9:39:03 PM
PLEASE GIVE US MORE MIKE POLK!!!!
The Berg
BRILLIANT!
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Posted: 9/14/2005 10:18:46 PM
Another great article by Polk! Great picture of Bill Sr. in the trucker hat and full 'stache --- he looks like a cross between an extra from the trucker bar in "Breakdown" and Machine from "8MM".
john
Great
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Posted: 9/14/2005 10:44:01 PM
I am reading this article as I wear one of my 10+ practice shirts from Calvert Hall, god i hope my wife doesn't try to wash it again last time I slapped her around for "trying to get the stink out". That's right it's 8 years old and and still has my sweet smells soaked in it.
MORE MIKE POLK
Captain Dipshit
What I wouldn't give
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Posted: 9/15/2005 10:02:14 AM
If I could go do anything right now it would be to line up at tailback just one time agaisnt my old highschool team. Common I go 6'1" 275, I would destroy the LBs, it would be fucking awsome. By the way Polk thanks for reminding me that I peaked in highschool. Now excuse me as I go back to reading other TPP while not working and thinking about which stripped shirt I want to wear tomorrow at happy hour. Later Bitches...
Crying!
Good Stuff
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Posted: 9/15/2005 1:33:10 PM
"It got awfully 'dark' over there since last year, if you get my drift. And you know what that means; speed."
I nearly soiled my self.
big 33 game
ohio hs football fanatic
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Posted: 9/15/2005 4:26:30 PM
Hey bill you part of the North Royalton chain gang? ya know, you and a couple of the guys from the plant shoot over to the tavern after work. knock back a couple of cold ones maybe a pbr, talk about hs glory days then off to the locker room for coaches pre-game pep talk. then on to the sidelines to work the chains & dial down. me and my buddies have the same system, hit the town tavern then on to watch our beloved pymatuning valley lakers in good ol ashtabula county. maybe we'll see you in the playoffs, we got one of them black kids this year at running back so you better watch out
Rolf Bernishke
Wow!!!
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Posted: 9/15/2005 8:45:00 PM
Can you spell Pulitzer?
You said it all my brother...Can I have an amen?
Lubrock
I like Mike
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Posted: 9/17/2005 6:21:02 AM
As founder of the Polk-a-dots (Polks fan club) I got to thank the guy for hitting another one out of the park..er, I mean scoring a touchdown!
Scott S.
Nice
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Posted: 9/17/2005 8:15:42 PM
"I went over to the Raider house to try to talk some sense into Tom Raider, whom I do not know."
unbelieveable
Kim
HYSTERICAL
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Posted: 9/18/2005 2:41:54 PM
This one is absolutely hysterical. I laughed so hard tears came down. Keep up the good work.
sharky
Sigh. . .
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Posted: 9/19/2005 2:00:48 PM
Polk, great article, and I hope that you have no affiliation with this gay sounding Polk-a Dots fan club.
POKeMON
DAMN!!!
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Posted: 9/19/2005 3:31:27 PM
THIS IS THE GAYEST THING I HAVE EVER READ! UR GAY!!!
Lee
Perfect
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Posted: 9/19/2005 4:27:54 PM
This is the best sports column I've read in a LONG time.
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