Hey you in line 12, whats your tag say? Diane. You want to be my check-out girl? I dont want just anyone touching my food. You have to be a special checker-outer to meet my approval. Im thinking you could be the one. Lets see if you can pass the test.
Dont start the conveyor belt until I get all my items out of the cart. Wheres the fire, whats the rush? Gimme some time to show you what Im buying.
Do shuck the check-out separator towards the back. I dont want the stuff that the jerk behind me is buying touching my items.
Dont ask me paper or plastic. Ive just spent forty-five minutes walking around the store agonizing over which brands are right for me. I dont need to make any more decisions.
Dont do more than a triple scan. If the thing wont beep after three swipes, just type in the code. I hate to see you look like a monkey.
Do look at me when you zap the condoms. Thats right baby, I have sex.
Dont look at me when you zap the anal cream. Hey, I dont have sex there. I have a medical condition.
Call me.
Do ask what is this? Make me feel like a culinary expert when I say, thats cilantro.
Dont ask is this an apple? No, its a tomato. TO-MA-TO!
Dont squash my chips. Easy there big hands, I gotta eat those.
Do grab ahold of the cucumber. A firm hold.
Dont ask if Im buying that magazine. So what if I did the crossword while I was waiting? Im not gonna read that tabloid crap.
Dont ask cash or credit. You should be able to tell by now that Im gonna write a check.
Do help the retard finish bagging my stuff. I don't want the Draino in there with my bananas again. And for God's sake, wipe his chin.
Good job. You pass the test. Now tell me what I owe so I can get the fuck out of here.
I liked it Posted: 2/7/2006by: Patrick I had more out lound laughs or chuckles on this than I have had when reading an article in a long time. Not classic, but definitely quality. Subtle Posted: 2/7/2006by: Southern Gent I liked this article b/c it was very subtle and unexpected. Very good job. People who pay with checks, stupid women, should be thrown out of the store after they apologize to everyone in the line behind them. People who are paying with food stamps are the worst! They aruge weather or not the tuna fish is on the food stamp list, but the don't mind buying 5 cartons of Virginia Slims. Hey Jeff Posted: 2/7/2006by: Bruiser Only broads pay with checks and it is spelled Drano, not Draino. Numbnuts. Funny Posted: 2/7/2006by: GRB I thought this was some funny shit...I don't know why everyone's baggin' on it (pun intended).
"Do grab ahold of the cucumber. A firm hold." Classic, though it could have been followed by, "Now grab that tube of anal cream..." Delphi Posted: 2/7/2006by: Soylent Green What do you think I was day dreaming about while in line? BTW, I too saw Wedding Crashers, but then I have know the REAL purpose of the lower back tat for many years... glen Posted: 2/7/2006by: glens a dick Glen , what the fuck did you wake up and find out someone moved your trailer while you slept. Look dick cheese find some where else to spew your queer thoughts. We all know you were thinking of shitting as soon as your ass was packed by an african mandinko with a 13 inck donger. face it go to gay pride web site and spew your shit as we dont want to read your shitty posts assbag Glen-da Posted: 2/7/2006by: Delphi owns you Dude, next time shit on your Dad's wood (again) and try a sit and spell.
Article was funny, but Soylent, chicks that have tats on their back are only to be used for rear entry target practice; lube with ajax Nice... Posted: 2/7/2006by: TJS "Do look at me when you zap the condoms. Thats right baby, I have sex."
That is gold!
Another criteria Posted: 2/7/2006by: Soylent Green I like it when the check out girls top is either really tight or has two or three buttons undone (at the top). It also helps if she has an ample amount of flesh trying to burst out of there... Low-rider pants with a hint of thong and/or tat also makes me scoot for that particular line.
Hell, I'm easy... be half way normal looking, smile at me, and pretend that you care I'm shopping at your store and I'm going to stand 5 deep in line for you!
BTW, this article was lame... I'm not going to say it blew or sucked or was shit (all true) because I did get a chuckle here and there. Better luck next time! totall shit Posted: 2/7/2006by: Glen Next time just shit on some ply wood and post it as your article. It would be far mor interesting.
