In a somewhat unexpected development yesterday, the former left arm of Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen announced plans for a 29-state summer concert tour. The tour will mark his first in over two decades.
I heard that the Leppard was getting back out on the road this summer, and I guess it got the old juices flowing. I waited around for a call, but did they call me? Hell no, they didn't call me! Those fuckers havent called me in 22 years, the severed left arm remarked while twirling a drum stick between his fingers.
The arm and the band parted ways in 1984, citing a dispute over Rick, his mangled left arm, and an overturned Corvette Stingray.
I read all the papers, Drummer loses left arm in tragic car accident. I wasnt fucking lost man; it wasn't like he just couldn't find me. I was forced out! It should have been the right arm. That lazy slab of ham couldnt keep a simple 3/4. Go listen to Bringing on the Heartbreak, Photograph; thats all me baby - all me!
After the incident, Rick learned to play with the help of an electronic drum kit, while the severed left arm moved to Hollywood to try his chops at acting, eventually landing such roles as severed hand in the film Army of Darkness as well as left arm stunt double in the film Over the Top.
I was typecast, sure, but I did what I had to do to pay the bills. Not many people know this, but I was actually the prototype for the left handed Nintendo Power Glove."
dark days
The gaming company had planned to travel the left arm with their new product, but the glove fad ended seemingly before it began. "When no one bought that piece of shit, I took it pretty hard.
Shortly thereafter, the severed left arm fell into a world of drugs and prostitution, battling a severe heroin and sex addiction that would last the better part of the nineties. I had my hand in some pretty nasty places . . . Ill say that much, he whispered, shamefully holding his fingers up in the shocker formation.
When he found himself stricken in the hospital with knuckle herpes for a third time , the severed left arm reflected on his past and vowed to dedicate his future to the only thing he ever loved, Rock and Roll.
I harbored a lot of anger towards Rick and the guys, but I had to let it go. I decided it was high time to get off my elbow and make something of my life, so I started working hard, practicing everyday, and now Im back and ready to rock the summer concert circuit.
Hoping to benefit from the notoriety of his former band, the severed left arm and his new band Def Leprosy have booked over 15 flea markets and 14 bowling alley parking lots.
With plans of playing mostly material from his forthcoming album, The Sound of One Hand Clapping, the severed left arm also guarantees fans of his old work that they won't leave disappointed.
"That's the million dollar question everybody is asking, and yeah, Ill be playing a lot of the old shit. It will sound a little different since I can only hit one drum at a time, and also because I dont have the assistance of a head and a torso and all that shit.
When asked if there was any hesitancy towards getting back on the road, the severed left arm only mused, "Let's not be f-f-f-foolin anybody here, I can't afford any roadies. If I drop my drumstick, I'm pretty much fucked."
Burt Thaxton Loved It Posted: 5/3/2006by: Burt Thaxton Dude,
I was acutally a roadie for Def Leppard. Let me say that arm is better off without Rick Allen. I heard through the grapevine (ok, Phill Collen and me still talk) that former Xtreme frontman Gary Cherone is available for and intrested in the Def Leprosy. Of course, left arm would have to play "More than Words"........
Steve Clarke's dead corpse is also available on rhythm guitar. He's still got enough alcohol and coke in him to play. This thing is shaping up.
Burt Thaxton left arm stunt double Posted: 5/2/2006by: dale completely sluggish day on the phatphree, but this article saved it for me. some really great stuff in here. especially loved picturing the stubby arm auditioning for Over the Top. i was hesitant.. Posted: 5/2/2006by: deuce but this was really fucking funny... and the "get off my elbow" line was well done. nice work. oh my ripped jeans Posted: 5/2/2006by: steve perry This is the best thing I've read on here in a long time. Rock on severed left arm, rock on! Take a bottle....... Posted: 5/2/2006by: Provo shake it up!!
This was AWESOME!!! I absolutely loved it.....fuck VH1: Behind the Music and the high horse they rode in on.....King Kong aint got shit on you!!!
This was raw and gritty.....I felt I could really feel where the severed left arm was coming from.....good Power Glove reference and "The Sound of One Hand Clapping"....genius......
Good work.....(I am actually going to see Def Leppard and Journey this summer....I'll have to find tix for the Def Leprosy show though...thanks for the heads up)
